Key Points
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Dating tips help prepare you for a first date.
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Put your best foot forward on your first date, but don't lose yourself.
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Don't let dating tips dictate you; simply use them as supplements.
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Identify your deal breakers and make them known as soon as possible.
Dating is complicated for many people, so reading dating tips is a common way to find guidance. Dating tips aren't hard to come by but are challenging to keep track of, and many contradict each other or prove themselves unhelpful when applied to a real-life situation.
To know what dating tips are relevant to you, you need to understand yourself and what sort of guidance you need. Snagging a date doesn’t require a complete personality change — just a little polish and an increased awareness of how you come across to others.
Top 10 Dating Tips for Men
This section assumes that the man in question is heterosexual, but most of the tips here apply to gay women, people who aren't men, or who are man-adjacent. Read this section if you're into women and want to know how to date better.
1. Pick Public
One mistake many people make when planning a date — especially the first few — is the location. It may have been common in high school, particularly if you grew up in an area with many viewpoints, to take your date to watch the stars. It's romantic and cozy, but you must remember that women are very cautious. This is doubly true if you're setting up a date with someone you don't know well or have never met.
Many women take an offer to go somewhere secluded as a warning sign or simply not worth the risk. Other accidentally creepy suggestions include hiking, your house, and the abandoned alley behind your local closed-down Walmart.
Good places to choose are where lots of people will be. Restaurants, coffee shops, and town squares are the classics, but public parks and bookstores are also fun. Cater your suggestions to the interests your date has expressed, and feel free to step back and allow her to make her own as well.
2. Watch the Body Language
People occasionally post online videos that are parodies of real-life experiences. You may have seen one where someone re-enacts an awkward first date or makes fun of how men decide to go in for a kiss at strange moments in conversation.
Without fail, the comment sections under these sorts of videos are full of women saying, "Oh, this is so true!" and "I hate when they do that," and men saying, "Please, someone tell me how to avoid this." The men's comments very rarely have any replies.
This is unfortunate, primarily because avoiding an awkward first date is pretty tricky, but avoiding an uncomfortable and unpleasant one is easy. It comes down to being aware of how your date is acting.
If you're watching a movie with a woman and she keeps nervously glancing at you out of the corner of her eye, or she turns, sees you watching, and then very quickly looks away, that isn’t an invitation to move closer or try to kiss her. If she's turned toward you, her movements are open, and if she's making eye contact with you, you can consider proceeding.
Pay attention to her body language to see if it seems nervous or closed off, if she avoids eye contact, or if her knees point away. While you don’t need to assume she isn't interested — she could just be having first-date jitters — you should be more cautious and considerate.
Remember that a whispered "Can I kiss you?" goes a long way. It shows that you care about her comfort and consent, and it gives her an out if she wants one.
At the end of the day, your job isn’t to trick your date into intimacy, and your actions need to be respectful and always allow her to say no.
3. Dress Nice
One thing that many men don't seem to possess is a concept of date-appropriate attire. If you show up to a date dressed to the nines, it's odd to feel like the man greeting you just threw on the closest clean shirt and called it a day. It almost immediately establishes a strange hierarchy — someone here is trying harder to impress the other.
Wear clothes that represent the kind of person that you are. That means if you're not a pressed pants and button-ups sort of guy, don't wear pressed pants and a button-up. However, don't just wear cargo shorts and a T-shirt, either.
Think about the kind of image you're trying to create. If anything, wear a pair of jeans and choose a nice jacket or sweater. A little cologne communicates that you put in some effort.
Women genuinely notice these things. Some people aren't all that interested in their clothing — and you don't have to be — but know that your date is paying attention to everything about you. Wear something you feel confident and attractive in, and acting that way will be easier.
4. Utilize Your Lady Friends
Never be shy about turning to the women in your life for advice. No two women are the same, but women talk amongst each other. Hopefully, you have a few female friends whom you can ask for tips, and they'll likely be happy to help.
5. Don't Assume the Worst
Many people make the mistake of tapping out at the first sign of trouble. Of course, this doesn't mean you should ignore red flags or keep pressing after she clarifies that she isn't interested. This tip applies more to that little voice in your head that tells you that she found you boring or that you were too forward, awkward, or enthusiastic.
Be aware of how you act, but leave it up to her to express disapproval. Don't shoot yourself in the foot over something that, more likely than not, isn't even a problem. Your job on a date is to be a slightly polished version of yourself, not to become a completely different person or to suppress interests and mannerisms that are integral to who you are.
6. Don't Assume a Nightcap
Never assume that the night will end in bed when you go out on a date. Take precautions if it does by washing and tidying yourself up, but remember that the woman you're going out with doesn't owe you anything.
If anything, it's better to assume that she won't go home with you, and that way, if she does, it's an excellent bonus to what was already a fun night.
Being too presumptuous or acting as if she owes you her body as an "exchange" for dinner — assuming you paid — is an immediate turn-off for everyone.
7. Who Pays?
Navigating the payment dilemma in the 2020s feels like it gets more complicated every year. The rule of thumb on a date is to at least pretend you want to pay. It may come down to whoever is more adamant.
Many women like a "gentleman," and who says no to free dinner? If you want to impress, insist on paying. Don't assume that you have to pay, and don't act like you're paying just because you're the man. Simply offer, and you can react however you wish if she resists.
Don't concede immediately, though. It's this silly little social dance people do. Offer to pay at least twice before backing off. This communicates sincerity and allows you to avoid the awkwardness in case her first "No, no, I've got it." was out of politeness and not a genuine intention to pick up the bill.
Feel free to acknowledge — to yourself — that this is stupid but do it anyway. Many social customs are ridiculous, but humans love making up pointless behavioral rules. Participate in society; go with the flow!
8. Don't Be a Braggart
It's okay to show excitement about your expensive car and be proud of yourself for your achievements. It's imperative, though, to remember that this isn’t a job interview, and this isn’t the time to talk about all your accomplishments, incredible people skills, or the fact that you're an empath.
If you have any cool or unique skills, or the conversation has naturally shifted to exciting things you've done, it's free game. Otherwise, avoid bragging as much as you can.
9. Conversational Ping-Pong
Dates are just as much about getting to know a new person as they are about presenting yourself to them.
As a man, you may take up more room in the conversation than you realize. You may be completely unaware of how loud you are or how much you talk. This is your moment to flex your listening skills.
When your date asks you a question, ask the same one back after you've answered. Ask leading questions. If she's starting a story, don't interject with one of your own; allow her to finish. Heck, even ask her questions to really show you were listening.
Ensure you're actually listening instead of just waiting for when it'll be your turn to talk. If you're generally uninterested in what she's saying, consider if you're there for the right reasons. Also, consider the possibility that you might find her incredibly dull, which is fine.
10. Be Clear With Your Intentions
Establish your intentions before the date even starts. What are you hoping to get out of this? Companionship? Someone to complain to? A one-night stand, a friend with benefits, a relationship?
Have a conversation with your date about what you want, find out what they want, and make sure that your goals are either the same or adjacent so that no one wastes their time or gets their hopes up for no reason.
Top 10 Dating Tips for Women
Like the above section, this section assumes that the reader is a heterosexual woman. Still, anyone attracted to men will find something of value here, so read on if you want to know how to better your dating life when it comes to the snips, snails, and puppy dog tails in all of us.
1. Tricks Are for Kids
Much of the modern dating scene comprises young adults still stuck in a high school mindset. Waiting double the time your person of interest took to respond before messaging back is stupid, and pretending to show disinterest to reel them in wastes everyone's time.
You're an adult, and the people you're dating have places to be. They have jobs, bills, and taxes and don't have time to wait for you to coyly bat your eyelashes at them from across the room.
Take control of your narrative.
Yes, some men will get scared away. However, you don't want to pursue someone adverse to receiving interest.
This isn't to say that you should be creepy or overbearing in your courtship, but if you want to text them, text them. If you want to meet up, ask them out.
2. Be Mindful of Your Practices
The tactics you use to attract people directly affect the types of people that you'll attract. If your strategy is to reject people over and over because you enjoy the pursuit, you’re guaranteeing that whomever you end up with is someone who has no issue with overstepping clear boundaries. On the flip side, anyone with self-respect will be long gone.
If you take an open and honest approach to your dating life, you'll find yourself in open and honest relationships. The person you date is someone you'll be spending a lot of time with, so being aware of the kind of atmosphere you're creating is essential.
This includes the "What are we doing here?" conversation on the first or second date. It always pays to ensure you're both on the same page about your relationship's future.
3. Meet His Friends
Everyone acts differently with people they're trying to impress, so if you're trying to get a feel for who this guy is, hang out with him while he's around his friends. Find out what kind of people he spends time with, and watch how he interacts with them.
Friends are a huge aspect of a person's life, and how they talk to and treat them says a lot about what kind of person they are. Pay close attention to those little details; they'll be important later.
4. Listen to Your Gut
Intuition is essential; your brain is incredibly good at pattern recognition. If you're on a first date and start to get a bizarre feeling about the guy you're talking to, chances are you've unconsciously noticed something important.
Pay attention to these signals. They could save your life or at least make it significantly better through a process of elimination.
5. Avoid Entitlement
Adjacent to the credit card conundrum, the gentleman/lady dynamic has become increasingly harder to navigate. Some women like having doors held open for them; others find it condescending. Some men enjoy the feeling of paying for their date's meal, while others prefer to take a more equal approach.
Posts crowing about how they'll leave a date if their meal isn't paid for or if they aren't treated like a "proper queen" have been circulating online forums and social media sites since the 2000s. People like to feel appreciated and admired; part of that is because they need constant reminders that they’re special.
Don't do this.
Don't act like you deserve a steady stream of free meals simply because you exist. You’re a catch, of course, but you’re not entitled to an expensive dinner just for agreeing to go to one. Social etiquette doesn’t revolve around you, and it's important to remember that.
6. Stick to Your Ideals
Most people have a little checklist of the things that they would consider to be deal breakers. Some of these are more of what one might call vapid if they focus on income and hair color more than actual substance. These deal breakers are fair but shouldn’t be at the forefront of your mind when planning a date.
It comes down to the personality traits and lifestyle choices that make or break a relationship. Remember the specific things that would make a relationship impossible for you.
This could mean political affiliation, how they treat the serving staff, and how they refer to people they view as inferior. Maybe it’s someone who's messy, childish, or incapable of emotional intimacy. These are traits that are important to how a relationship will pan out. Little tells like this are clues to how they would be as a significant other.
7. Be Careful What You Share
Dates are great ways to get to know each other better, but they’re also alone time with a stranger. It's crucial to meet up in open, public spaces, and it's also important to watch what you say during the first stage of dating as you feel each other out.
Being open and honest is essential, but don't share details that could help a date become a stalker. Avoid information about your workplace, house, and places you often frequent. Talk about yourself and your life, but leave addresses and locations out.
Most dates won’t stalk you after things don't work out, but it's always better to be safe than sorry.
8. Balance Comfort With Fashion
When you're going on a date, dress to impress, but if you make the mistake of prioritizing how you look over how you feel, you’ll regret it pretty quickly. How you act is directly related to how comfortable you are, including all the places your clothing pinches you or makes it challenging to sit down. You don't want to sit there wishing you hadn't worn leather pants.
This doesn't mean, of course, that you need to show up in sweatpants. When picking out your clothes for a date, they’re still expected to be nice.
When you're standing there trying to decide between the most flattering but uncomfortable dress you have and one that isn't as form-fitting but doesn't make you regret everything as soon as you put it on, consider going with the second option. It'll make your date much less torturous if you aren't waiting for it to end so you can go home and change.
9. Don't Compromise Who You Are
When you're going on a date with someone, especially the first few times, there's a certain expectation that you won't entirely be yourself. Part of this is because you're likely pretty nervous, and the other part is because you're trying to impress this new person; as a result, you're trying to show them the best bits of yourself.
People, of course, are more than just their best bits.
It's okay if the way you present yourself at first isn't the whole story. That'll happen anyway. It happens every time you meet someone new. However, if the version of you that your date meets is unrecognizable to your friends or family members, you've gone a little too far.
Don't pretend to like or dislike things you usually don't or present your opinions as something other than what they are. Don't fabricate stories to try and impress your date. If the date works out, it'll inevitably come back to bite you later.
Remember who you are, and be a slightly better version of that.
10. Stay Out of Your Head
It's easy to psych yourself out when preparing for a date. Things can backfire in many different ways, but that's true about almost every situation you've ever experienced.
Worrying about something that's ultimately unpreventable isn't going to do you any favors, so remember that no matter what, you’ll be okay.
Early Stages: How Not To Mess it Up
Once you've locked yourself down with a significant other, you might think you're finally good. Unfortunately, this isn't totally correct. Be happy about your new relationship, but also be careful.
Crossing the Starting Line (Before They Say Go)
Once you're in a relationship, you may feel the urge to forge ahead. You seem to have found the perfect person for you; why not start planning your lives together?
Hold off on that. Starting to talk about kids or marriage, or even moving in or buying a house when you've only just begun your journey together, is hugely off-putting. Some view it as a giant red flag and immediate grounds to break up.
Settling down is a huge commitment, and people don't tend to be ready for that in the very early stages of a relationship. A move like this also indicates an inability to plan ahead or think critically since these life changes are costly and will drastically change your day-to-day life.
Play it safe –especially if you're excited — and keep your grand plans to yourself, at least for a bit longer.
Hindsight Is Key
Many relationship mistakes are avoidable if people reflect on previous failures and ask themselves what they can learn. Were you not communicative enough, or were you too clingy? Did you ask for more from your partner than they could give you?
Rehashing your past relationships and looking for places where you could have done something differently is a great way to ensure that your new relationship will be even better than the last one.
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Establishing what you're looking for and what you aren't helps eliminate people who are simply wrong for you. Don't be afraid to express what you need from your partner, whether that's attention or a little quality time. Allowing your relationship to develop, not on your terms, is a recipe for failure.
Dating coach Persia Lawson says, "Be brave enough to put your boundaries up and say: [T]his is what I need, and what I desire."
Once you have established what you expect from the relationship, it's up to your partner to honor that, and it's completely okay for them to choose not to. If they’re unable or unwilling to give you what you need in a relationship, they’re not the right person for you, and you should find that out sooner rather than later.
Available, Not Codependent
When you start a new relationship, a common temptation is to spend as much time with them as possible. This isn’t unusual: Up to 96% of people are codependent or exhibit traits of it.
Codependency isn’t an officially diagnosable state without specific criteria, but it’s a mindset that can severely impact your ability to form healthy relationships.
Neglecting your friends and hobbies outside of your relationship is dangerous. It could render you without a support system, leaving you stranded in a potentially abusive situation or alone if the relationship ends.
Spending time with your partner is essential, but not to the detriment of your personal life. Keep things balanced; you need people in your corner — even if it's just to complain when you and your partner argue.
Dating With a Deal Breaker
Deal breakers are the most prominent signs of incompatibility and the easiest way to filter out potential relationships. The key is to know how to use them to your advantage instead of allowing them to further shrink your dating pool.
For example, if you don't like or want children, don't try and convince yourself you can make it work. You can't, and you know that you can't. You’ll only make life significantly harder for yourself — and your partner and their kid(s) — if you attempt to work past your dislike of something that is a massive part of your significant other's life.
This also applies to having a dislike or allergy to pets. Unfortunately, some relationships don't work out because of something uncontrollable.
Preemptive Damage Control
Though it isn't recommended to vet someone when you're on a date, interviewing them to make sure they check every one of your boxes — boxes are restrictive, and they're never going to do you any favors — is a bad idea.
However, it would be best to be clear about your deal breakers. If they have pets and you hate pets, let them know you’re incompatible. If they mention wanting kids someday, tell them you're uninterested and won't change.
If you would rather avoid this talk and meet people through dating apps, mention these issues in your profile. If you meet people through friends, make sure that your friends know what your deal breakers are so that they can avoid them.
Find the Right Partner
Ensure you treat your dates respectfully, offering them enough space to feel comfortable and an out if needed. Show your true self, but a slightly polished version; dates want to see the real you, but maybe not everything all at once. Protect your boundaries, respect theirs, and be clear about your intentions.
Now that you're properly prepped for your first date, you can start your dating life on the right foot. Know who you are, know what you're worth, and don't accept anything less.
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