Pros and Cons of an INFJ INFJ Relationship

Couple hugging each other

So you just found out you're an INFJ personality type. You are deeply intuitive, introverted, and self-reflective. You are an advocate. You have the privilege of sharing a personality type with Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and even Lady Gaga. Now you may find yourself searching for your perfect personality-type match. What happens if you fall for another INFJ? What is an INFJ INFJ personality combination like? You've come to the right place to find out.

The INFJ INFJ Relationship

Thoughtful and passionate INFJs make for great relationship partners. They seek out relationships that are deep, meaningful, and constantly growing. Due to their serious nature and depth of feeling, INFJs don't hang out in the shallow waters when it comes to relationships – it's more like diving headfirst into the deep end. They are only quick to jump, however, when they're falling for the right person. As advocates, their strong integrity and sincerity will help them find Mr. or Ms. Right. Once this special person is found, the INFJ takes them deeper and strives to strengthen the relationship. But what happens if an INFJ falls for another INFJ? Is an INFJ INFJ relationship a good combination? Read on to find out. Happy couple at public park in autumn

INFJs as Humanitarians

An INFJ INFJ relationship has the potential to make radical changes in the world, like stopping climate change or ending world hunger. But if the INFJ INFJ relationship humanitarian goals are not aligned, perhaps each member would find more success working alone. Many humanitarian superstars have the INFJ personality type, including Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and MLK. INFJs are world changers. They are scientists and philosophers, including Carl Jung, Noam Chomsky, and Plato. What happens if each partner in an INFJ INFJ relationship is fighting for the same cause? Miracles. What happens if each partner in an INFJ INFJ relationship is fighting for an opposing cause? Absolute disaster. As mentioned previously, an INFJ person has strong integrity and a drive to do good in the world. If INFJ INFJ relationship members are not on the same page regarding their goals to better the world, they may do more good being apart. But if the INFJ INFJ relationship is on the same page, they may spur each other on and join forces to make a significant change in the world, perhaps even as big as Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, or MLK. Lady Gaga is a world changer, too. Can't forget to add her to the list!

INFJs as Introverts

INFJs tend to be introverted. They feel recharged when they spend time alone rather than when they spend time around other people. Their "social batteries" run out swiftly, and they crave time to themselves. What does this look like for an INFJ INFJ relationship? Lots of 1:1 time. This can be incredibly positive for the INFJ INFJ relationship or lead to potential problems. In an INFJ INFJ relationship, you may prefer to snuggle up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and binge-watch Love is Blind on Netflix rather than go out to a restaurant with a group of friends. While lots of alone time is great for bonding, too much alone time can cause some problems. The introverted INFJ may lose interest in spending time with people outside of their relationship. Research shows that introverts tend to be less motivated to enter into social situations. So, the INFJ INFJ relationship has the potential to become socially isolated. Even further, one or both partners in an INFJ INFJ relationship may begin to need space from one another. Seriously, how are you supposed to save the world if you can't lock yourself in a quiet room with your computer and get stuff done?

INFJ Communication

Communication in an INFJ INFJ relationship is marked by great listening skills and a sincere understanding of the thoughts, feelings, goals, and desires of one another. Let me set the scene for you. You and your friends are at your favorite cafe, sitting around your designated table, sipping Pumpkin Spice (yes, it is that time of year again). Your friend who was recently ghosted by the man of her dreams is sharing her heartache. She is talking a mile a minute, and everyone is interrupting to get their two cents in and encourage her. However, your one mysterious friend is sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed quizzically, observing their friends speak. His brow is furrowed while he is tracking their lips and their body language. To those speaking, it may seem as though he is tuned out. But then, out of the blue, he drops the most inspirational thing you've heard since Bo Burnham's "Inside" skit. You may blurt out, "Who the hell invited Buddha?" Your fly-on-the-wall friend isn't Buddha, he's an INFJ.  INFJs may come across as quiet and disengaged, but really they are listening. They are taking in a plethora of communication cues, both verbal and nonverbal, before deciding on what they want to say. And when they do speak, it's something magical. It seems to hush the rest of the room and leave people thinking, "Why didn't I think of that?" Can you imagine, then, how conversations may go between INFJs? Now is your cue to mentally picture Lady Gaga and Mother Teresa chatting it up in a mystical garden. As introverts, INFJs are not likely to dive into a conversation with people they've never met. In other words, they hate small talk. However, when given a chance to connect with someone on a deeper level, they are thrilled to be hanging out. What does this mean for an INFJ INFJ relationship? The first encounter of INFJ INFJ relationship members may be an awkward one. Each person may be thinking, "If we have to talk about the weather or what I did over the weekend, I'm going to lose it." For this reason, small talk will be brief and non-lively. However, suppose the conversation begins to take off. In that case, the INFJ INFJ relationship members will shortly begin climbing the ladder to the diving board in the deep section of the swimming pool, metaphorically, of course. Their conversation may swiftly progress from "this weekend I went grocery shopping" to "my deepest regret in life is…" You fill in the blank. To summarize, the INFJ INFJ relationship conversational skills can lead to a level of depth that is incomparable to other personality matches.  But how do INFJ INFJ relationship members communicate once they're in a committed relationship with one another? Because INFJs are amazing listeners, they can be very supportive of their partners. Sometimes having someone simply listen to our problems is enough for them to melt away. An INFJ INFJ relationship pair will listen to one another thoroughly and thus understand one another deeply. Young happy black couple outdoors

INFJs as Intuitive

If something is even slightly off in an INFJ INFJ relationship, you can bet each partner will be aware of it. Intuition is defined as knowledge about a situation or person that arises from the subconscious, from hidden cues. It's that gut feeling we all have felt before but often tend to turn a blind eye to. INFJs, however, with their strong integrity, are excellent at acknowledging their intuitive hunches and acting accordingly. In other words, when the relationship is going downhill, they know whether the problems are worth investing energy into or when it's time to get gone.  The high intuition in an INFJ INFJ relationship also makes for excellent communication. The INFJ INFJ relationship members will know how to read one another, how to pick up on if they've had a bad day, if they are in need of a Starbucks run, or a long hug. Better yet, they may be able to sense the internal introverted scream of discomfort at a crowded office holiday party. Just a single glance, and the INFJ partner will know it's time to make up an excuse for their departure and hit the road.  INFJs are active participants in the workings of their internal worlds. They are very in tune with their emotions. Additionally, they can be very in tune with the emotions of others and can intuitively determine how someone may be feeling and what they may be thinking. The INFJ intuition may be coined as "Introverted Intuition," a product of exceptional listening skills that comes with introversion and the ability to read a room that comes with intuition. "Introverted Intuition" also allows INFJ couples to dream about the future, imagining how their lives together will look like and how they can address certain barriers. Am I saying INFJs possess psychic abilities and can read the minds of their friends and coworkers? No. But be aware, in an INFJ INFJ relationship, intuition may result in a lack of privacy for each party. Your INFJ partner will know you, I mean really know you, enough to pick up on very subtle signs of what you're thinking and how you're feeling. This can be beneficial to a relationship and encourage communication, or it can cross some healthy boundaries. 

INFJs as Lovers

As highly passionate and deeply sensitive, you can bet the love-making between members in an INFJ INFJ relationship is nothing short of fireworks. However, in order to ignite these fireworks, the INFJ INFJ relationship partners must understand the complexity of one another's desires. INFJs are complex people. Although they read others very well, they themselves are hard to read. In an INFJ INFJ relationship, you may find it hard to figure out what your partner wants, especially in bed. INFJs are strong listeners but share little about themselves. Perhaps in the INFJ INFJ relationship, each member has to use their intuition to tune in to the wants of their partner. If you break the code of your INFJ lover's desires, you've hit the intimacy jackpot.  How can you increase intimacy in an INFJ INFJ relationship? Form a strong connection with your partner. As stated previously, INFJs crave deep a connection but they don't get to a deep level with just anyone. You'll have to earn your spot, and when you do, expect your intimacy to soar. Casual sex is not likely to be part of an INFJ INFJ relationship. Rather, when a strong connection has been formed, meaningful encounters in the bedroom will be the norm. With the INFJs search for meaning, you can be sure that the search for their true love is one they don't take lightly. They are not likely to settle until they've found "the one." If you are an INFJ and you're holding out for "the one," the world applauds you. Sticking to your values and being patient are not qualities found in all of the personality types and truly are unique to you as an INFJ. Refusing to settle may save you from a world of heartbreak. However, be careful that you don't have your head too high in the clouds. Your expectations may become unrealistic. Perhaps there are numerous people in the world who may be a good match for you. That being said, the INFJ INFJ relationship may fall trap to dissatisfaction. One or both members may question the relationship and wonder, "Is he/she really the one?" If the INFJ INFJ relationship pair finds themselves in this position, their honesty and impeccable listening skills may be enough to save them. 

INFJs as Parents

As you can imagine, INFJs make great parents. They are quick to listen, patient beyond measure, and raise their children to be mini world-changers, just as they are. I mean, imagine being raised by Mother Teresa or freaking Lady Gaga? You're bound to be extraordinary. But what would parenthood look like in an INFJ INFJ relationship? INFJs want to raise their children to be good people, to be independent, and to be advocates. INFJs as co-parents have the potential to be extraordinary. They are likely to be loving and sincere parents. They listen to their children. They fight for their children. They know their children deeply. A child with INFJ parents has hit the jackpot for love and patience.   INFJs, as world-changers, tend to have pretty high expectations for themselves, and it's only natural for them to have high expectations for their children as well. The INFJ values integrity and honesty and expects their children to uphold these values as well. To an extent, pushing your children to be the best they can be is a no-brainer in the metaphorical textbook "how to be a good parent." However, if taken too far, their children may feel as though they are highly critical of them or judgemental of their choices. Now imagine feeling this pressure double-fold if your parents are in an INFJ INFJ relationship. This can be pretty troublesome to a child and may lead to rebellion or acting out. When a child is not doing well, this can put a strain on a relationship. In order to co-parent effectively, INFJs should check one another to make sure they are not putting too much pressure on their child. Happy couple at public park in autumn

Before You Go, A Quick Recap

INFJs as Humanitarians

Pro: When on the same page, INFJ partnerships have the potential to be world changers. Con: When on different pages, world-changing is best done alone.

INFJs as Introverts

Pro: INFJ couples will have lots of 1:1 quality time together. Board games, movie nights, and TV dinners galore. Con: INFJ introversion can lead to too much quality time with one another. Over time, one or both partners may need their space. They may not be getting enough social time outside the relationship, either. 

INFJ Communication Skills

Pro: INFJ partners will exhibit excellent listening. They will develop a deep understanding of one another's wants, feelings, thoughts, and goals. Con: With their introverted nature, it can be tricky getting past the "small-talk phase." Initial communication may feel awkward or forced.

INFJs as Intuitive

Pro: Due to their intuition, INFJs will be In-tune with one another's thoughts and feelings. Con: Because they can read each other well, INFJs may feel as though they lack personal boundaries in their relationship.

INFJs as Lovers

Pro: INFJs will have a steamy and deep connection, as well as intimate love-making. Con: INFJs will likely have a lack of casual sex. Depending on who you are, you may consider this a con. Their love lives are likely to be all or nothing.

INFJs as Parents

Pro: INFJs are likely to be loving and caring parents. They will create mini world-changers, just as they themselves strive to change the world.  Con: Because of their high expectations for their children, they may become too critical of their children. A child that is under pressure may begin to act out. This has the potential to create tension in the relationship in the INFJ relationship. 


The INFJ INFJ relationship pairing is one of the most unique there is. This pairing comes with many pros and cons, just as all personality type pairings do. It's key to remember that as an INFJ, your experience with your INFJ partner is entirely unique. No blog post can determine the quality of your relationship. However, this information may be helpful for you in understanding your relationship and navigating its waters. Committing to another human can be a scary thing. Luckily, by understanding your personality type and the personality type of the person you're interested in, you will be able to connect more intentionally and more deeply, something that you, as INFJ, desire.

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