Having can take time and experimentation–from trying out new positions to investing in educating yourself–but the payoff is always worth it.
Step 1: Get Educated
Having may not happen overnight (although who knows, with the right person you might get so lucky). Before you can truly say you’ve given your all, you need to invest time into getting a education. And we’re not talking about the awkward class from middle school. Reading up about as an adult can be super hot and can have its rewards–like a deeper connection with your partner or a more explosive .
Learn About Your Partner’s Body
One of the first steps to mind blowing is learning about your partner’s body. Nothing is hotter than knowing your way around, and if you understand your partner’s anatomy, you’ll be able to help them achieve a better .
For instance, if your partner has a vagina, did you know that there are eleven possible types of to be achieved? What could be more blowing than experimenting with all eleven?
One of the most underrated and elusive types of vagina is the clitoral . A 2017 study found that nearly 37% of women absolutely need to and another 36% report that makes their orgasms better. Moreover, the clitoris is very individualistic, meaning that different types of stimulation work for different people. Another study surveyed women and found that different types of strokes work better for different people (i.e. up and down, side to side, circles, direct vs. indirect pressure).
Another type of is the G-spot (yes, it’s a real anatomical –a spongy spot located between the vaginal opening and cervix). The G-spot is described as deeply intense and is achieved by stimulating that spot with fingers, a penis, or a toy. There are even additional spots deeper inside the vagina to reach for, including the A-spot (on the anterior wall) and the O-spot (behind the cervix).
Other types of orgasms include the nipple (achieved by stimulating the nipples only), the blended (multiple types of orgasms at once), and even the “coregasm” (suddenly onset during tough exercise).
If your partner has a penis, there aren’t as many different types of to try for, but the one is still just as fun. The prostate is often referred to as the “male G-spot,” so if you’re into anal play, that could allow for a fun experiment. Another way to help your partner with a penis reach a more intense is through “edging,” the practice of stopping sexual activity right before you or your partner reaches . For penises, in particular, giving the head a quick squeeze can stop the dam from opening. Doing this repeatedly allows for a grand finale that’s worth the wait.
If you’re looking to learn about your partner’s individual body parts specifically, have them teach you! Getting the grand tour of what turns them on can be surprisingly sexy, and your new knowledge will make your future all the more blowing.
Learn About Your Own Body
While you’re on your education journey, don’t forget to learn a little about yourself. Taking time to explore your body by masturbating can show you what you like best, so you’ll be able to communicate that knowledge to future partners.
Aside from giving you more confidence in the bedroom, masturbation has other benefits, including releasing pent-up , improving sleep, and relieving menstrual cramps.
Mutual masturbation is a fun way to show off what you’ve learned. Masturbating alongside your partner is a learning experience that goes both ways, and you can try each other’s tricks during a future session (think of it as a pop quiz).
What’s blocking you and your partner from having might lie beneath the surface. This is why it’s worth considering reaching out to a . therapists can assess underlying relationship and issues, but also more immediate sexual concerns like premature ejaculation, inability to (anorgasmia), and difficulty with . Licensed psychologists, social workers, and physicians all may offer therapy, as well as therapists trained specifically to counsel on and relationship issues.
While a may not immediately seem like the sexiest solution, the payoffs in the bedroom result in blowing sex. Without subconscious blocks, and even just empowered by the knowledge of the root of the problem, you’re free to have a less inhibited . And you and your partner will feel a deeper emotional connection as a result of this shared experience.
Step 2: Experiment
Once you’ve studied up, the next step to having is a little experimentation. You may not even realize that you’re in a sexual rut just based on a lack of trying new things. There are infinite sexual positions to try with your partner, a myriad of high-tech hitting the market, and entire sexual genres you and your partner may be missing out on. Experimentation can bring fun and zest back to a relationship that’s felt stagnant, or could be a fun, consensual bonding experience with a new partner. There are a million ways to stray from your sexual norm to have mind blowing sex. It only takes a little research!
Try New Positions
Do you find yourself re-using the classics like missionary and doggy style over and over again? It may be time to switch it up with some more inventive . There are tons out there to learn about, the majority of which work for both straight and queer couples. Standing positions like ballet dancers offer more face-to-face connection, while more challenging positions like the wheelbarrow offer a great workout.
There are certain positions designed for deep , positions designed to encourage you to last longer, and positions that give either one partner or the other more control. You might even be interested in trying the Coital Alignment Technique, or C.A.T., a twist on missionary developed by researcher Edward Eichel. C.A.T. focuses on vertical movement rather than in-and-out thrusting, allowing for more . Sometimes referred to as “grinding the corn,” C.A.T. involves grinding the clitoris against a penis or dildo shaft during . This means that if your partner requires to reach , the missionary position will be twice as blowing once you incorporate this technique.
If you or your partner has a kink or more, it might be helpful to find aligning sexual positions. For instance, there are plenty of bondage-based that increase the feeling of between you and your partner or allow you to engage in fun role play.
Nowadays, there are a plethora of out there–way more variety than just the good old-fashioned vibrator. But vibrators themselves are a whole category–from vibrators designed specifically for to suction vibrators that simulate to vibrators used in unconventional ways like to stimulate a penis. Even dildos have expanded to a much wider variety, including some curved ones to reach the G-spot or prostate. There are plenty of toys for anal play, including anal beads, prostate massagers, butt plugs, and more. Sleeves, penis rings, and pumps are perfect for penis stimulation, while the Ben Wa ball can help vagina owners practice Kegels. (Ben Wa balls in particular have seen a recent surge of popularity after their appearance in Fifty Shades of Grey, but have actually been around for thousands of years.) If you and your partner are into impact play, you can even try a whip or paddle.
can even be fun for both parties at once. For instance, double-sided dildos are available for a mutual experience, provided you both have strong pelvic floors to keep the toy balanced. And lately, remote-controlled are all the rage. This means that even while you and your partner are apart, you can get each other off–even sneakily during the day out in public! Talk about blowing.
Sex Toys We Love
Think Outside the Box
There are a million ways to reach and help your partner do the same. Try having long-distance via the phone or one of the aforementioned remote-controlled vibrators or cock rings. Try a new type of or incorporate a toy that stimulates you in a new place. is all about surprising yourself and your partner, so have a conversation about indulging each other in your wildest fantasies or engaging in roleplay. Sexual fantasies are extremely common–some simply elevate the steaminess in the bedroom when you talk about them with your partner, and others may be more practical than you might think to carry out in real life. Discovering new sensations and kinks will only strengthen your bond with your partner and teach you more about yourself. And the challenge of that discovery itself can be super hot!
Step 3: Change Your Mindset
Our final tip on is to expand your sexual mindset. Now that you’ve educated yourself and tried some new things in the bedroom, it may be time to try some even bigger additions to have mind blowing sex. There are so many different methods and sexual philosophies out there for the taking in this day and age. It’s worth learning about and trying out these new types of together with your partner, or doing the studying on your own and coming home for a fun, consensual surprise. Since we’ve learned that one of the keys to is trying new things, why not try new things on a grander scale?
Tantric is a practice derived from Hinduism and Buddhism. Also called yogic , the practice is not unlike yoga in that it is meant to be a physical, spiritual experience to work towards enlightenment. Tantric is slow and meditative–meant to last much longer than regular . And the end goal is not always , but simply an exploration of one another’s bodies.
Tantric may require some spiritual preparation, like breathwork or stretching. You also might want to prepare your external space by setting up some mood lighting or turning on some music. It’s important to look inward and reflect in order to drop into that meditative mindset.
Tantric involves a lot of foreplay, which might include massages, cuddling, taking a shower together, or even . This is all building up to slow, prolonged (which is optional–tantra is a practice that doesn’t have to center around the itself). Classic tantric positions include spooning or sitting “yab-yum” (one partner cross-legged, the other with their legs wrapped around the first partner’s back).
You and your partner may be interested in partaking in a tantric workshop or retreat. These are led by tantric practitioners, known as Tantrikas. These classes can be highly rewarding, as they provide quality time with your partner and give you a deeper understanding of the spiritual side of . Rumor has it that some practitioners of tantric can have full-body orgasms that last for hours.
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Try a Class or Workshop
Tantric isn’t the only type of with a devoted workshop you and/or your partner can attend. It might be worth doing some research to find other classes in your area. Some of these might include Impact Play 101, a blowjob seminar, “Wrestling for Lovers,” lap dancing, or even a class on how to obtain the perfect dick pic. There are even more practical classes like Anal and Hygiene or a lesson on cleaning your if you’re into that.
If you research and find there aren’t many classes local to your area, or you’re simply too shy to go to one in person, not to fret. Online platform O.School offers live-streamed classes from educators, coaches, and doctors as well as other educational materials on different methods of .
classes and workshops, whether online or IRL, can arm you with some steamy information, or, even better, make for a hot date for you and your partner. Give them a chance and you just might find something new that you and/or your partner love(s).
Switch It Up
Once you’ve learned about all these new types and techniques, you’ll have a whole arsenal to work with. It’s time to try out your new findings, and try them out again and again at consensually unexpected times. With your new portfolio, it’ll be easy to prevent yourself from getting stuck in a rut. There’s always something new and exciting for you and your partner to try, and if all else fails, go back to school for another degree!
You might even want to take a leaf out of the tantric book and explore some romance and foreplay techniques. Sometimes turning up the heat before the fun’s even begun can make all the more intimate. Try touching or massaging some non-genital erogenous zones. These are spots where we’re not used to being touched that often have a lot of nerve endings, meaning touching them can be an exciting turn-on. Some examples include the inner wrists, the nape of the neck, the butt, the scalp, the back of the knee, the earlobes, and the feet. Sometimes, starts before you and your partner have even reached the bedroom.
What are the most ?
Some of the best for promoting include the aforementioned C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique), the free as air position (lying face-up on top of each other during ), the Pinner position (face-down ), and the spoons position (spooning with ). For deeper , try flatiron (like Pinner but with your legs close together), cowgirl (“riding” the penis), seashell (legs spread wide), or sitting on your partner’s lap at the edge of the bed.
Sex Wedges We Love
Where can I find a ?
therapy may be offered at therapy or counseling practices near you. Try searching the referral directory offered by AASECT (the American Association of Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). You can also seek virtual online with a licensed therapist, through websites like BetterHelp and TalkSpace.
Where can I find classes in my area?
classes are offered at a variety of places, including toy stores like Chest with locations nationwide. Tantrikas can also be found hosting tantric workshops and retreats across the country, many of which are advertised on Facebook. You can even search for classes in your city on CourseHorse. And if all else fails, online learning platforms like O.School or Sexfulness are always worth a shot. Private Cyndi Darnell, even offer courses therapists, like New York-based .
Any kind of can be as long as both parties are consenting and having fun. We hope you and your partner will try some of these tips to expand your sexual horizons and experience frequent !