How to Have Mind Blowing Sex

Having mind blowing sex can take time and experimentation–from trying out new positions to investing in educating yourself–but the payoff is always worth it.

Step 1: Get Educated

Having mind blowing sex may not happen overnight (although who knows, with the right person you might get so lucky). Before you can truly say you’ve given great sex your all, you need to invest time into getting a sex education. And we’re not talking about the awkward class from middle school. Reading up about sex as an adult can be super hot and can have its rewards–like a deeper connection with your partner or a more explosive orgasm.

Learn About Your Partner’s Body

One of the first steps to mind blowing sex is learning about your partner’s body. Nothing is hotter than knowing your way around, and if you understand your partner’s anatomy, you’ll be able to help them achieve a better orgasm.

For instance, if your partner has a vagina, did you know that there are eleven possible types of orgasm to be achieved? What could be more mind blowing than experimenting with all eleven?

One of the most underrated and elusive types of vagina orgasm is the clitoral orgasm. A 2017 study found that nearly 37% of women absolutely need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and another 36% report that clitoral stimulation makes their orgasms better. Moreover, the clitoris is very individualistic, meaning that different types of stimulation work for different people. Another study surveyed women and found that different types of strokes work better for different people (i.e. up and down, side to side, circles, direct vs. indirect pressure).

Another type of orgasm is the G-spot orgasm (yes, it’s a real anatomical thing–a spongy spot located between the vaginal opening and cervix). The G-spot orgasm is described as deeply intense and is achieved by stimulating that spot with fingers, a penis, or a toy. There are even additional spots deeper inside the vagina to reach for, including the A-spot (on the anterior wall) and the O-spot (behind the cervix).

Other types of orgasms include the nipple orgasm (achieved by stimulating the nipples only), the blended orgasm (multiple types of orgasms at once), and even the “coregasm” (suddenly onset during tough exercise).

If your partner has a penis, there aren’t as many different types of orgasm to try for, but the one is still just as fun. The prostate is often referred to as the “male G-spot,” so if you’re into anal play, that could allow for a fun experiment. Another way to help your partner with a penis reach a more intense orgasm is through “edging,” the practice of stopping sexual activity right before you or your partner reaches orgasm. For penises, in particular, giving the head a quick squeeze can stop the dam from opening. Doing this repeatedly allows for a grand finale that’s worth the wait.

If you’re looking to learn about your partner’s individual body parts specifically, have them teach you! Getting the grand tour of what turns them on can be surprisingly sexy, and your new knowledge will make your future sex life all the more mind blowing.

Learn About Your Own Body

While you’re on your sex education journey, don’t forget to learn a little about yourself. Taking time to explore your body by masturbating can show you what you like best, so you’ll be able to communicate that knowledge to future partners.

Aside from giving you more confidence in the bedroom, masturbation has other benefits, including releasing pent-up sexual tension, improving sleep, and relieving menstrual cramps.

Mutual masturbation is a fun way to show off what you’ve learned. Masturbating alongside your partner is a learning experience that goes both ways, and you can try each other’s tricks during a future session (think of it as a pop quiz).

Try Sex Therapy

What’s blocking you and your partner from having mind blowing sex might lie beneath the surface. This is why it’s worth considering reaching out to a sex therapist. Sex therapists can assess underlying relationship and intimacy issues, but also more immediate sexual concerns like premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm (anorgasmia), and difficulty with arousal. Licensed psychologists, social workers, and physicians all may offer sex therapy, as well as therapists trained specifically to counsel on sex and relationship issues.

While a sex therapist may not immediately seem like the sexiest solution, the payoffs in the bedroom result in mind blowing sex. Without subconscious blocks, and even just empowered by the knowledge of the root of the problem, you’re free to have a less inhibited sexual experience. And you and your partner will feel a deeper emotional connection as a result of this shared experience.

Step 2: Experiment

Once you’ve studied up, the next step to having mind blowing sex is a little experimentation. You may not even realize that you’re in a sexual rut just based on a lack of trying new things. There are infinite sexual positions to try with your partner, a myriad of high-tech sex toys hitting the market, and entire sexual genres you and your partner may be missing out on. Experimentation can bring fun and zest back to a relationship that’s felt stagnant, or could be a fun, consensual bonding experience with a new partner. There are a million ways to stray from your sexual norm to have mind blowing sex. It only takes a little research!

Try New Positions

Do you find yourself re-using the classics like missionary and doggy style over and over again? It may be time to switch it up with some more inventive sex positions. There are tons out there to learn about, the majority of which work for both straight and queer couples. Standing positions like ballet dancers offer more face-to-face connection, while more challenging positions like the wheelbarrow offer a great workout.

There are certain positions designed for deep penetration, positions designed to encourage you to last longer, and positions that give either one partner or the other more control. You might even be interested in trying the Coital Alignment Technique, or C.A.T., a twist on missionary developed by sex researcher Edward Eichel. C.A.T. focuses on vertical movement rather than in-and-out thrusting, allowing for more clitoral stimulation. Sometimes referred to as “grinding the corn,” C.A.T. involves grinding the clitoris against a penis or dildo shaft during penetration. This means that if your partner requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, the missionary position will be twice as mind blowing once you incorporate this technique.

If you or your partner has a kink or more, it might be helpful to find aligning sexual positions. For instance, there are plenty of bondage-based sex positions that increase the feeling of intimacy between you and your partner or allow you to engage in fun role play.

Sex Wedges

Try Sex Toys

Nowadays, there are a plethora of sex toys out there–way more variety than just the good old-fashioned vibrator. But vibrators themselves are a whole category–from vibrators designed specifically for clitoral stimulation to suction vibrators that simulate oral sex to vibrators used in unconventional ways like to stimulate a penis. Even dildos have expanded to a much wider variety, including some curved ones to reach the G-spot or prostate. There are plenty of toys for anal play, including anal beads, prostate massagers, butt plugs, and more. Sleeves, penis rings, and pumps are perfect for penis stimulation, while the Ben Wa ball can help vagina owners practice Kegels. (Ben Wa balls in particular have seen a recent surge of popularity after their appearance in Fifty Shades of Grey, but have actually been around for thousands of years.) If you and your partner are into impact play, you can even try a whip or paddle.

Sex toys can even be fun for both parties at once. For instance, double-sided dildos are available for a mutual experience, provided you both have strong pelvic floors to keep the toy balanced. And lately, remote-controlled sex toys are all the rage. This means that even while you and your partner are apart, you can get each other off–even sneakily during the day out in public! Talk about mind blowing.

Sex Toys We Love

Think Outside the Box

There are a million ways to reach orgasm and help your partner do the same. Try having long-distance sex via the phone or one of the aforementioned remote-controlled vibrators or cock rings. Try a new type of sex or incorporate a toy that stimulates you in a new place. Mind blowing sex is all about surprising yourself and your partner, so have a conversation about indulging each other in your wildest fantasies or engaging in roleplay. Sexual fantasies are extremely common–some simply elevate the steaminess in the bedroom when you talk about them with your partner, and others may be more practical than you might think to carry out in real life. Discovering new sensations and kinks will only strengthen your bond with your partner and teach you more about yourself. And the challenge of that discovery itself can be super hot!

Step 3: Change Your Mindset

Our final tip on how to have mind blowing sex is to expand your sexual mindset. Now that you’ve educated yourself and tried some new things in the bedroom, it may be time to try some even bigger additions to have mind blowing sex. There are so many different sex methods and sexual philosophies out there for the taking in this day and age. It’s worth learning about and trying out these new types of sex together with your partner, or doing the studying on your own and coming home for a fun, consensual surprise. Since we’ve learned that one of the keys to better sex is trying new things, why not try new things on a grander scale?

Try Tantric Sex

Tantric sex is a practice derived from Hinduism and Buddhism. Also called yogic sex, the practice is not unlike yoga in that it is meant to be a physical, spiritual experience to work towards enlightenment. Tantric sex is slow and meditative–meant to last much longer than regular sex. And the end goal is not always orgasm, but simply an exploration of one another’s bodies.

Tantric sex may require some spiritual preparation, like breathwork or stretching. You also might want to prepare your external space by setting up some mood lighting or turning on some music. It’s important to look inward and reflect in order to drop into that meditative mindset.

Tantric sex involves a lot of foreplay, which might include massages, cuddling, taking a shower together, or even oral sex. This is all building up to slow, prolonged penetration (which is optional–tantra is a practice that doesn’t have to center around the sex itself). Classic tantric positions include spooning or sitting “yab-yum” (one partner cross-legged, the other with their legs wrapped around the first partner’s back).

You and your partner may be interested in partaking in a tantric sex workshop or retreat. These are led by tantric sex practitioners, known as Tantrikas. These classes can be highly rewarding, as they provide quality time with your partner and give you a deeper understanding of the spiritual side of sex. Rumor has it that some practitioners of tantric sex can have full-body orgasms that last for hours.

Yoga Balls We Love

Try a Class or Workshop

Tantric sex isn’t the only type of sex with a devoted workshop you and/or your partner can attend. It might be worth doing some research to find other sex classes in your area. Some of these might include Impact Play 101, a blowjob seminar, “Wrestling for Lovers,” lap dancing, or even a class on how to obtain the perfect dick pic. There are even more practical classes like Anal Pleasure and Hygiene or a lesson on cleaning your sex toys if you’re into that.

If you research and find there aren’t many sex classes local to your area, or you’re simply too shy to go to one in person, not to fret. Online platform O.School offers live-streamed classes from sex educators, coaches, and doctors as well as other educational materials on different methods of pleasure.

Sex classes and workshops, whether online or IRL, can arm you with some steamy information, or, even better, make for a hot date for you and your partner. Give them a chance and you just might find something new that you and/or your partner love(s).

Switch It Up

Once you’ve learned about all these new sex types and techniques, you’ll have a whole arsenal to work with. It’s time to try out your new findings, and try them out again and again at consensually unexpected times. With your new sex portfolio, it’ll be easy to prevent yourself from getting stuck in a rut. There’s always something new and exciting for you and your partner to try, and if all else fails, go back to sex school for another degree!

You might even want to take a leaf out of the tantric sex book and explore some romance and foreplay techniques. Sometimes turning up the heat before the fun’s even begun can make sex all the more intimate. Try touching or massaging some non-genital erogenous zones. These are spots where we’re not used to being touched that often have a lot of nerve endings, meaning touching them can be an exciting turn-on. Some examples include the inner wrists, the nape of the neck, the butt, the scalp, the back of the knee, the earlobes, and the feet. Sometimes, mind blowing sex starts before you and your partner have even reached the bedroom.

What are the most mind blowing sex positions?

Some of the best sex positions for promoting orgasm include the aforementioned C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique), the free as air position (lying face-up on top of each other during penetration), the Pinner position (face-down penetration), and the spoons position (spooning with penetration). For deeper penetration, try flatiron (like Pinner but with your legs close together), cowgirl (“riding” the penis), seashell (legs spread wide), or sitting on your partner’s lap at the edge of the bed.

Sex Wedges We Love

Where can I find a sex therapist?

Sex therapy may be offered at therapy or counseling practices near you. Try searching the referral directory offered by AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). You can also seek virtual sex therapy online with a licensed therapist, through websites like BetterHelp and TalkSpace.

Where can I find sex classes in my area?

Sex classes are offered at a variety of places, including sex toy stores like Pleasure Chest with locations nationwide. Tantrikas can also be found hosting tantric sex workshops and retreats across the country, many of which are advertised on Facebook. You can even search for sex classes in your city on CourseHorse. And if all else fails, online learning platforms like O.School or Sexfulness are always worth a shot. Private sex therapists, like New York-based Cyndi Darnell, even offer intimacy courses.

Any kind of sex can be mind blowing sex as long as both parties are consenting and having fun. We hope you and your partner will try some of these tips to expand your sexual horizons and experience frequent mind blowing sex!