Key Points
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Celebrity crushes are a normal social phenomenon, but when we obsess about them, we fall into the dangerous territory of celebrity "limerence."
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From Taylor Swift and Matty Healy to Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn, celebrity relationships become controversial for varying reasons.
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Believe it or not, fans and stans make celebrity couples more controversial than the celebrities themselves.
Before Independence Day 2023, Halloween (1978) actress and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards separated from her husband of 27 years, Mauricio Umansky. This dissolution of a relationship made headlines because the celebrity couple put their private lives on display for over twelve years.
Fans feel entitled to know intimate details of their favorite celebrities, but this entitlement is detrimental when people take their appreciation for a celebrity too far. Maybe you've heard horror stories about celebrity fandoms attacking others online for talking down their celebrity idol, from Taylor Swift's "Swifties" to Nicki Minaj's "Barbs" — and even the Game Grumps' "Lovelies" on YouTube.
Mental well-being, positive psychology, narcissism, and Stoic philosophy expert Dr. Sandip Roy builds on psychologist Dorothy Tennev's definition of "limerence" to discuss the psychology of and dangers behind celebrity limerence: It's "a state of mind characterized by obsessive thoughts and feelings about another person [that] can lead to intense emotions, including euphoria and despair, and can be difficult to control."
Roy notes that it's okay and common to have crushes on celebrities, but when that infatuation turns into an obsession that impacts your daily life, you fall into the territory of celebrity limerence. You analyze their every move and are quick to categorize their romantic relationships as "controversial."
While some of the relationships on this list are controversial in their own right, let's take a look at four controversial celebrity couples and how they came to be labeled as such.
Note: This article contains discussions of sexual assault, parental violence, and grooming.
Taylor Swift and Matty Healy
Ladies, don't we all fantasize about a romp with a handsome British man? And who can resist a girl with a sweet Southern twang?
Earlier this year, the "Shake It Off" singer and 1975 frontman caused a stir on Twitter when news broke of their supposed relationship. Due to the stark contrast in their public personas, musical styles, and the controversies that surrounded them individually, Swift and Healy's short-lived relationship captured the fascination of fans, critics, and tabloids alike.
Perhaps Publicity Pandering?
Due to Swift's lyrical relatability, her fanbase of Swifties often fights immensely to protect her image. As recently as June 22, 2023, Swifties sent Insider writer Chris Panella death threats, doxxed his family, and accused him of being a pedophile just because he criticized Swift's current Eras Tour. Swift works hard to maintain her reputation as the wholesome "girl next door," so it struck fans as odd that she, the pop superstar feminist, would go for the more enigmatic, formerly drug-abusing, rebellious image Healy embodies.
While some Swifties started distancing themselves from Swift after Healy made racist comments toward Ice Spice and joked about the alleged content of his porn preferences, her stans still go hard for their queen. Thanks to the phenomenon of celebrity limerence, Healy's fans have defended his problematic behavior as "ironic" and "satire" meant to cause a stir.
Early in her career, many criticized Swift for writing songs about her exes and using her relationships as inspiration for her music — criticism that, in and of itself, is rooted in misogyny. Swift has been accused of exploiting her personal life for commercial gain in the past, so some fans began to suspect that the clash of personalities between Swift and Healy was merely a publicity stunt to promote both artists' tours.
From Whirlwind to Left in the Dust
On April 8, 2023, news broke that Swift and actor Joe Alwyn had broken up after six years together. Less than a month later, speculation of Swift and Healy as an item started cropping up, and a source claimed they were "madly in love."
From Healy appearing at multiple stops on Swift's Eras Tour to reports of cohabitation and Healy living and writing music exclusively in America, fans got whiplash from how quickly the relationship progressed.
Then, at the beginning of June, the relationship fizzled out. The official word is that they were both too busy with respective tours to maintain a romantic relationship, but who knows?
Billie Eilish and Jesse Rutherford
Hoo boy. This relationship gives me the ick, and now I listen to Rutherford's music with a grain of salt. The lyrics "When I get back and I see my lil' pumpkin, I'ma smash" from Rutherford's "Rip O.F.F." hit differently.
When news broke of Eilish and Rutherford's romance, public outcry arose due to speculation of grooming on Rutherford's part. The 11-year age difference between the two already seemed sketch enough, but as details about their relationship began to surface, people scrutinized the couple more intensely.
The Age (Difference) of Love
Though the pair started dating when Eilish was 20, reports claimed that Rutherford had been a family friend of Eilish's since she was 15 or 16. Before they dated, Eilish even mentioned having an intense crush on Rutherford, so fans wondered if she'd been taken advantage of in the relationship.
It didn't help that the couple poked fun at backlash toward their age gap by dressing up as a baby and an old man for Halloween 2022.
Private Times at Ridgemont High
With Rutherford's history of drug abuse, he tends to stay out of the spotlight, and fans also worried that he'd negatively influence Eilish. Eilish has a heavy social media presence, but Rutherford's more private approach to fame further turned fans off from the relationship.
Though they broke up in May 2023, news of the couple faded into obscurity and I didn't even know it had happened until writing this article. Even her breakup with Mother, May I Sleep With Danger remake actor Matthew Tyler Vorce received more attention than her dissolution from Rutherford.
Mainly because of Rutherford's keenness for privacy, not much can be said about the former controversial couple, but boy did they stir the pot when they first started dating.
Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles
Another celebrity couple plagued by age difference-related scrutiny, people had a lot to say about Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde becoming an item. This couple's beginnings and ends were highly publicized, and they're probably the messiest couple on this list.
Furious Fans
You can't throw a stone without hitting someone who's heard of Harry Styles. Selling out shows even after going solo, Styles' fanbase grew immensely and vocally. Any time he entered a new relationship, a small corner of his fans viciously cyber-attacked his partner.
Styles even went on record admitting he has to brief his potential partners about some of his harshly critical fans before they get into a relationship.
Divorces, Step-Children, and BTS Bafoonery
If their 10-year age gap wasn't enough — which it wasn't — Wilde drew criticism for seemingly getting together with Styles just a few months after her seven-year engagement to Jason Sudeikis ended.
By the time paparazzi snapped photos of Styles and Wilde holding hands at a wedding, a source claimed they'd already been seeing each other for "a few weeks." This comment led some to believe Wilde had cheated on the father of her children with Styles.
Further messiness ensued when Sudeikis' lawyer presented Wilde with custody papers in April 2022 during the press conference for her then-upcoming film Don't Worry Darling. Yikes.
Sudeikis claimed he didn't know about the timing, but unaffiliated family law attorney David Glass refuted the validity of his statement, stating that he always let a client know when he'd serve custody papers.
Fast forward to December 2021.
Wilde began slowly introducing Styles to her children with Sudeikis and even started spending time with Styles' mom.
The couple became so serious that engagement rumors floated around, and Wilde even cast Styles in Don't Worry Darling. Trouble rose on set, though, as Florence Pugh — who initially expressed excitement at working with Wilde — refused to promote the movie and sparked rumors that bad blood rose between her and Wilde.
Not only did Pugh express her disappointment that the movie's marketing focused more on her sex scenes with Styles, she also commented on Wilde's lack of professionalism with Styles on set. Throw in Shia Lebouf and a recording of Wilde shit-talking Pugh, and the drama surrounding Don't Worry Darling eclipsed the drama in the film.
Wilde and Styles broke up in November of last year. Tabloids claim Wilde still "yearns" for Styles, but the "Watermelon Sugar" singer has no interest in rekindling their romance. Harries rejoice!
Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn
Let's get into the most controversial and highly discussed couple on this list: Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn. This relationship began long before my time, but this couple has made headlines for decades, especially with the release of Allen's ex Mia Farrow's HBO documentary Allen v. Farrow.
Power Dynamics and Parental Betrayals
For those not in the know, Allen and Previn began their relationship as step-father and adopted step-daughter.
Let that sink in for a second.
When Allen met Farrow in 1979 at 43 and 34, respectively, 10-year-old Soon-Yi was one of Farrow's seven adopted children with her ex-husband. Previn reports that Allen initially wanted nothing to do with her or her adopted siblings, and she claimed the feeling was mutual.
When Previn broke her ankle in 1986, Allen showed her kindness which began their torrid affair. Soon, the two attended Knicks games together and warmed up to each other.
The world shook, however, when Allen revealed he and Previn began their sexual relationship in 1991 when she was a freshman in college. Decades later, Farrow admits in her documentary that she found nude photos of Soon-Yi on Allen's desk in 1992. At this point, Soon-Yi was 21 and the man was in his late fifties.
Farrow and Allen were already going through a rocky separation, but Allen's sexual interest in Soon-Yi served as a betrayal to Farrow. Not only that, his relationship with Soon-Yi and the alleged assault of Farrow's adopted daughter Dylan, also in 1992, suggests a power imbalance that Allen relished.
People on Twitter rushed to cry out about an alleged power imbalance between Billie Eilish and Jesse Rutherford, but Allen's relationships with his adopted daughter (Farrow) and step-daughter (Previn) suggest that Allen took advantage of the trust that came with his fatherly role and flexed the power he had over the young women in his family.
When Morality Flies Out the Window
1992 was a disgustingly busy year for Allen and Previn. Where Allen happily proclaimed the joy he felt in his relationship with Previn, she went on record to say that he was "never any kind of father figure," and that he didn't bother having any kind of relationship with her until Dylan Farrow was born.
Ex-wife Mia Farrow claimed he had no interest in being a father but warmed to the idea of adopting a "little blonde girl." Yikes. His past comments made it all the more tragic when Dylan accused him of sexual assault.
While Dylan fired accusations at Allen, Previn shot back with accusations of violence at her adopted mother. She made her distaste for Farrow clear and renounced Dylan's accusations. Though reports during Allen's 1993 custody battle seemed to prove he hadn't sexually assaulted Dylan, a child psychologist renounced his statements.
Allen went on to lose the custody battle of his three adopted children with Farrow and lost his appeal because acting Justice Elliott Wilk of the State Supreme Court stated that Allen was "self-absorbed, untrustworthy and insensitive."
Whether Allen committed such a heinous crime may be up for debate, but the judge's ruling and his then-secret relationship with Previn add merit to Justice Wilk's statement. Probably the grossest aspect of this whole relationship, however, is the fact that in 2015, Allen described his marriage to Previn as "paternal" and that she "deferred to him."
Such a distasteful comment further supports speculation of grooming.
Allen, 87, and Previn, 52, adopted two daughters in the 90s and are currently still together.
What Makes a Controversy?
While Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn's relationship exemplifies a controversial celebrity partnership due to serious allegations of grooming, violence, and sexual assault, other celebrity relationships often become "controversial" due to seemingly trivial things such as public personas, scrutiny of fans, and age gaps despite both parties being past the age of consent in the US.
When Image Outweighs the Person
In many cases, the phenomenon of celebrity limerence — characterized by obsessive thoughts and intense feelings about a celebrity — leads to the designation of "controversial." For Taylor Swift and Matty Healy, Swift's carefully crafted good-girl feminist image clashed with Healy's rebellious and at times anarchist facade.
Despite speculation about the authenticity of their relationship, fans under the spell of celebrity limerence continued to fiercely defend Swift's image by attacking anyone who spoke even a word of negativity towards her online, sometimes resulting in terrifying, real-world consequences. Similarly, crops of Healy's fans came to his defense when the media held his past problematic comments under a microscope.
When Age Gaps Receive Unwarranted Outcry
While the age gap between Billie Eilish and Jesse Rutherford felt uncomfortable, Eilish's fans lost their minds at the possibility of Rutherford grooming her — even though grooming usually happens after a minor comes of age. Eilish dated other men before embarking on her short-lived, contentious tryst with Rutherford.
Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles received the Eilish-Rutherford treatment because of their age gap, despite Styles being 27 at the start of his relationship with Wilde. Hardcore fans took it upon themselves to pick apart every aspect of their relationship, leading to rumors that Wilde's previous engagement ended due to a cheating scandal.
Throw in a very public divorce and custody battle, as well as on-set drama, and many found their messy relationship provocative in the worst ways.
When Obsession Outweighs Reason
For these three couples, fans feel entitled to personal information about their favorite celebs, opening the door to obsession and frightening intensity. Because of celebrity limerence and a dependence on social media, shallow and superficial "concerns" about celebrity love lives overshadow the darker, more serious problems of a relationship.
Though Woody Allen briefly became a target of the #MeToo movement, hardly anyone under 30 talks or even knows about what went down in his relationship with Soon-Yi Previn, Mia Farrow, and her other children. Seriously, check out Allen v. Farrow if you have a Max subscription.
Leaving the Microscope Behind
As the Hollywood machine pumps out new celebrities left and right, they're just people at the end of the day. It's normal to admire certain celebrities, but it's also crucial to respect their personal lives and boundaries.
Sure, it's harder for celebrities to keep their private lives private with paparazzi literally camping outside of their homes to get exclusive photos and info. This difficulty to maintain privacy, however, often stems from demand from fans who feel an unabashed sense of privilege in knowing all there is to know about their favorite celebs.
By respecting boundaries, we can move toward understanding the difference between admiration and obsession, thus avoiding the entrapment of celebrity limerence. When we recognize the dangers of celebrity limerence by maintaining healthy perspectives of our idols, we can appreciate them without crossing lines or making mountains out of molehills.
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