What is a Tantra Massage?

Woman on massage table being massaged

Key Points

  • Tantric massage is a spiritual and physical practice that releases tension through your entire body and clears energy blockages.

  • Traditional tantra comes from Eastern Asia, but Western countries have taken on a less spiritual, more sexual version.

  • Give your partner a tantra massage to emotionally, spiritually, and physically connect in a new way.

  • The last part of this full-body massage ends with a genital massage without the intention of an orgasm.

  • Make what you want of the finish with an intense sexual finale or clean up and cuddle to cool down.

Tantra massage, also known as tantric massage, is a style of massage that traces its origins back to China and Southeast Asia. It's a type of energetic healing through bodywork, involving a massage from head to toe with everything in between. While this style of massage incorporates traditional physical massage techniques, it also involves physically massaging the external sexual organs, including the penis and the vulva. While there are sexual elements to tantric massage, it isn't explicitly sexual.

The emphasis of this massage technique is on breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness. It heals the recipient physically and spiritually by moving energy (called shakti) throughout their body to promote overall wellness and inner healing. Practitioners of the tantric arts leverage the power of the shakti to access the deepest layers of a person's energy and drive emotional and spiritual healing.

Much of the tantric experience available in the West is closer to what experts call neotantra, which focuses more on the sexual energy involved in tantric practice. Lingam massage, which focuses on the penis, and yoni massage, which focuses on the vulva, are not necessarily sexual but, in the Western context, are often elevated to a sexual practice. These practices are originally for clearing physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and sexual blockages.

Yoni and lingam massage are traditionally for healing purposes, especially by a professional. This is an excellent treatment for someone with sexual blockages, such as vaginismus. If you and your partner are experimenting with tantric massage techniques at home, it likely leads you to orgasm or other sexual acts.

Girl having massage and enjoying aroma therapy in spa

Principles of Tantra Massage

A proper tantra-style massage is a slow, sensual experience. Neither the masseuse nor the massaged rushes or worries about time — such distraction is incompatible with the headspace required to enjoy this experience. The giver and recipient must both have a clear understanding of their role. The giver must be willing to provide unreciprocated pleasure to their partner, and the receiver must be able to receive without feeling an obligation to return the experience. This mindset also works to heal any shame you experience surrounding sex.

Each party involved should be able to read body language and reactions to touch. Both parties should enter the tantric experience after a physical cleansing.

Apart from these basic principles, it’s also important to understand that tantric work focuses on how energy moves and flows through the body. The Tantric philosophy describes everything in existence as being part of one universal energy. In Tantra, thoughts, feelings, spirit, love, and sexuality are all on different frequencies. Tantric practices like massage, meditation, and even sex consciously manipulate energies in our bodies to clear energetic pathways and restore wholeness to the person.

A significant aspect of tantra is mindfulness. Being present in a moment and aware of the sensations and energies flowing through our body is fundamental to the tantra experience. During a tantra massage, a guide may ask you to focus on your breath or to breathe in specific patterns. This breathwork brings another level of relaxation and energetic release while accentuating the action of the masseuse to bring your breath and body together in harmony. This mindfulness helps one advance into another dimension of the tantric experience: an open heart.

Like many other philosophies, Tantra describes the origins of suffering as being in a struggle against what is. To achieve healing and mental wellness, one must clearly see what truly is and find a way of accepting it. Our human impulse is to label, categorize, and judge things, which inevitably leads to dissatisfaction when the real world fails to live up to the standards of our imagination. This dissonance creates psychic pain, which manifests as dissatisfaction, anger, or even despair.

When one seeks physical healing, or even simple physical pleasure, from a tantric experience, they begin to open the heart and accept what is instead of battling for what should be. When you shatter the illusions of what should be, you begin to release your ego. According to Tantric philosophy, personality is an illusion based on a lifetime of rewarding or punishing experiences that have shaped how humans interact with the world. When you begin to accept what is, you can shed inauthentic parts of yourself. This leads you to a state of bliss as you realize that your energy is one with the energy of the universe.

All that from a massage technique? Yes. Tantric massage is a holistic approach to wellness that involves not just the physical body, but the mind and soul. Don't worry if you’re not interested in a spiritual experience, you can enjoy the physical sensations and relaxing aura of a tantra massage without a spiritual connection if you’re uncomfortable with or uninterested in spiritual benefits.

Person enjoying a back massage. Professional massage

What Is a Tantra Massage Like?

A tantra-style massage is an intensely intimate experience, more so than traditional massage practices. When you go to get a tantra-style massage, you should expect to be nude. Your masseuse works on your entire body, so let go of notions of modesty or embarrassment. The masseuse uses warm oil and traditional massage techniques to stimulate and redirect your shakti energy. As this is happening, you may react in unexpected ways. It's not uncommon to experience different thoughts or emotions as energy blocks become loose and balance restored in your system.

The big question lurking in many minds is: Does this kind of massage involve our genitals? That’s entirely up to you. If you’re getting a tantric massage from a professional masseuse, they will respect your boundaries and obtain consent before touching your genitals. A practitioner of the tantric arts practices with the goal of healing, not orgasm. Some people experience a feeling described as a full-body orgasm as they release energies and melt into satisfying physical sensations.

Sexual stimulation isn't the primary goal, although some people achieve orgasm during a tantra session. Massages of the genitals generally begin with the masseuse stimulating erogenous zones, often with feedback from the recipient. A professional yoni massage involves gentle stimulation of the inner portions of the vulva and vagina. Likewise, a professional lingam massage involves manipulation and massage of the testicle, perineum, and penile shaft. Some lingam practitioners offer prostate massage, which many men find quite pleasurable.

If you’re practicing this massage style with your sexual or romantic partner, lingam and yoni massage practices are likely on the menu. Remember, unlike a traditional sexual experience, the objective of lingam and yoni massage is not orgasm; it’s to help your partner achieve better energy flow and access inner healing.

How Do You Give a Tantra-Style Massage?

To perform a tantric massage with your partner, find a quiet, comfortable space and set a relaxing mood. Put on some tantra massage music (there are plenty of options on Spotify), light some candles, and speak in a soft voice. Leave your phone in the other room, turn off the TV, and eliminate any other distractions.


The recipient of the massage should be nude. While your partner doesn't need to be nude, many couples enjoy being nude together during this experience. Assume a comfortable position sitting cross-legged on the bed, face each other and start eye gazing. Eye gazing is making steady, intentional eye contact where you gaze deep within one another's soul. Hold hands if you wish. Take five deep breaths together, then engage in eye gazing for as long as you like — at least five minutes. This often feels silly at first, but after the first few moments, you melt into the experience.

Begin the Massage

After your moment of connection, the recipient lays down, face down, and it's time for the massage. Pro-tip for comfort: roll a towel up, then twist it into a donut shape to cradle the face and create a makeshift massage table. Many people enjoy starting with a scalp massage as it's sensitive and rarely touched. Next, rub a natural massage oil into your hands to warm it up and lubricate your hands. Begin massaging their neck, ears, and upper back, gradually moving down to the lower back.

Go slowly, taking your time and enjoying the process. If you have a hard time focusing or implementing mindfulness, try narrating your motions in your head. Openly communicate with your partner. They can provide verbal feedback about what feels good, what needs work, and where they feel the need for physical attention and touch. Openness and honesty are essential.

After you finish the back side of the body, ask your partner to roll onto their back, stomach up. Now it's time to massage the front side of the body, including the chest, stomach, and limbs. If your partner is female, perform a breast massage. A proper tantric breast massage helps stimulate blood flow to the breasts, drains lymphatic fluids, and improves the musculature that supports the breasts. A proper tantric breast massage can even improve prolactin secretion.

Breast Massage

To massage the breasts, begin by warming the oil in your hands. Start at the collar bones, using the tips of your fingers to make tiny circles on your partner’s skin. You can even make gentle taps to simulate gentle rainfall. Now, place your palms on top of the breasts, with the nipple in the center of your palm. Hold that position, breathing deeply with your partner, and then gently squeeze, moving the right breast clockwise and the left counterclockwise. Continue this motion, gently, for several seconds. Move your hands to the side of the breast, then back to the center over the nipples. Move the tips of your fingers in a large, slow circle over the surface of the breast. Repeat the process, changing the direction of your motion, before moving down to massage their stomach, abdomen, and legs.


The next focus is on massaging your partner's inner thighs. This should be gentle and sensual, intended to generate healing and stimulate their energies. Move into the pubic region and begin massaging their genital area. This is an excellent time to communicate — talk with your partner about what feels especially good and focus on that. If there’s a place, motion, or sensation that they find arousing, then you should massage that area to enhance their experience.

man receiving massage

Genital Massage: Yoni and Lingam

Now it's time to move to your partner's genitals. To really master the art of genital massage and bring your partner a new kind of pleasure, massage the area without the intention of sexual pleasure. Rather, apply the same principle you do to the rest of the body via massage — releasing tension and relaxing tissues. As the massage progresses, you can turn it into a sexual experience if you both wish.

To play a bit extra here and experience new levels of orgasms, implement edging. If your partner feels they're close to an orgasm, they can signal you to retract your stimulation. After a moment to breathe and relax, come back in to massage them again. When they're finally ready to lean into the orgasm, it's far more intense.

Yoni Massage

According to experts at Tantra Yoni Massage, "The yoni is a source of very powerful energy. When this energy can be released during the massage and spread over the body, you enter a state of higher vibration. This is experienced as a boost of life energy and this feeling is retained by some even 2-3 weeks after the massage. The yoni is structurally in the body of the woman herself and functions as a storehouse for emotions and traumas. This can lead to blockages and a range of common female health problems, such as having difficulty or not experiencing an orgasm…When blockages in and around the yoni are removed, you will regain more connection and feeling in your yoni. Step by step you learn to enjoy your body in its totality again."

Yoni massage focuses on the external vulva, with small, gentle, circular movements. Begin at the superior vagina, near the clitoris (if you haven't already, you should learn how to find the clitoris). The clitoris is very sensitive, so move in a gentle manner, with those small circular movements around the clitoral hood gradually circling inwards toward the clitoris. Imagine you’re pushing energy into the clitoris.

The clitoris isn’t the entire vagina — you should also massage the labia. This begins with a slow tracing of the contours of the labia before gently rubbing each lip, moving from the outer labia inwards. Then circle back toward the clitoris, using a gentle push and pull technique to massage the clitoris. Orgasm is not the goal of yoni massage, but it can sometimes accompany it. Many yoni massages also focus on massaging the inside of the vagina. Ask your partner before moving inside and exploring ways to massage the vaginal walls and G-spot.

Lingam Massage

The tantra experts at Tantra Yoni Massage say, "The main purpose of tantric lingam massage is to learn to control your sexual energy and use it to achieve a higher quality, more energetic life. The sexual energy, also called Ojas Shakti in Sanskrit, is the most powerful energy in the human body. Every individual is born with a sufficient amount of it. However, men lose this sexual energy with ejaculation. Through a lingam massage you learn to use this energy in yourself for spiritual and personal growth."

Practicing edging through your massage and avoiding an orgasm helps you to maintain your sexual energy and find new realms of pleasure.

Lingam massage begins with warm massage oil rubbed up and down the thighs of the recipient. Gently massage into the scrotum and the shaft of the penis and then rubbed into the area around the base of the penis, including the pubic bone and the perineum. Next, begin massaging the shaft. Vary your grip from hard to light, and vary the strokes from straight up and down to a twisting motion.

Begin moving your hand all the way to the head of the penis, going from root to shaft and back. You can use both hands to apply a variety of twists, rubs, and circles to the penis. Rather than giving your partner a hand job, think of really massaging the muscles of the penis. Remember, an orgasm isn't the goal here.

Best Oils for Tantra Massages

No massage is complete without a proper massage oil. Pick one of these top oils for tantra massage to give your partner a smooth, relaxing experience from head to toe.

Passion Sensual Massage Oil

Enjoy an all-natural, tropical-scented massage oil for couples. Passion Sensual Massage Oil is gentle on the skin, makes your skin super soft, glides beautifully, and doesn't leave a residue. A little bit of this oil goes a long way, but it comes in a convenient pump in case you need a bit more. Remember that massage oil isn't lube though!

Passion Sensual Massage Oil
$16.97 ($2.00 / Fl Oz)

by Brookethorne Naturals

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09/27/2023 07:08 am GMT

IQ Natural Edible Massage Oil

Treat your partner to a delicious massage with IQ Natural Edible Massage Oil. This oil is perfect for sexy massages as it smells amazing, glides on smooth, and is totally edible. The oil provides a relaxing sensation during your massage and it entices you to put your mouth on your partner. The soothing vanilla scent and taste add relaxing elements to your sensual couples' massage.

Edible Massage Oil for Couples
$14.38 ($1.63 / Fl Oz)

by IQ Natural 

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09/27/2023 06:31 am GMT

  1. Sensual Lavender Massage Oil
  2. Sensual Lavender Massage Oil
    $17.95 ($2.04 / Fl Oz)

    by Cosmetasa

    Buy on Amazon

    We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

    09/27/2023 07:05 am GMT
  3. Edible Massage Oil for Couples
  4. Edible Massage Oil for Couples
    $14.38 ($1.63 / Fl Oz)

    by IQ Natural 

    Buy on Amazon

    We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

    09/27/2023 06:31 am GMT
  5. Passion Sensual Massage Oil
  6. Passion Sensual Massage Oil
    $16.97 ($2.00 / Fl Oz)

    by Brookethorne Naturals

    Buy on Amazon

    We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

    09/27/2023 07:08 am GMT

Ending the Massage

There are two ways to end a tantra-style massage: a cuddly cooldown period or an orgasm. As the massage draws to a close, use your fingertips to gently trace across your partner's skin, drawing small circles or outlines of their muscles or bony points. Let them re-center their energy and open their eyes, readjusting to the sensation of being in their body at this moment and gradually acclimating as their energy settles. A full-body tantric massage is an experience of wholeness and healing, and when done with your partner, it’s an intensely unifying and connecting experience.

For more information on giving sensual massages and connecting with your partner, subscribe to Cupid's Light.

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