Life is beautiful, especially when you can share it with someone. A romantic relationship can be a source of great joy and happiness in our lives, and often can to marriage, the ultimate success of any relationship. However, not every relationship is destined for success. Breakups can happen at any time and can be very hard to cope with emotionally. After all, the ones we love the deepest have the most power to hurt us. Unpleasant as it may be, we all eventually need to learn how to get over a breakup.
Why do we break up?
The most common reason for a breakup is a lack of communication. Communication is the key to success in every relationship. Couples usually get together because of mutual likes and dislikes. They enjoy each other’s company and love to spend time together. If, however, the couple is not able to communicate about what is important to each individual, it’s a matter of time until misunderstandings, miscommunications, and hurt feelings result. These can lead to unhappiness and, eventually, a parting of ways.
Signs of a breakup
Sometimes a breakup comes out of the blue. One partner may abruptly decide that they are done and leave the relationship. But there are often red flags of pending trouble. Frequent arguments are one bad sign. When even a simple conversation becomes a fight, your relationship is in danger. It is critical to be able to communicate honestly without fighting or becoming angry. You may also find yourselves growing apart, spending more time away from one another, or simply not wanting to hang out and be together. You might find yourself daydreaming more than normal about a new relationship or about not being in your current relationship. These are all signs of danger.
After a breakup
When you need to know how to get over a breakup, the first step is to recognize how it has affected you. Early reactions usually include sadness, despair, and pain. Your mood and needs might vacillate between extremes. Your appetite may change: you might find yourself binge-eating comfort foods or not being hungry as much. You will almost certainly feel lonely after losing your partner. You might find yourself losing interest in things you once loved. You may even suddenly find yourself listening to more breakup songs, like Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way. On a more serious note, breakups are highly emotional and highly stressful and can cause physiological damage to your body. It’s not uncommon for a breakup to trigger a descent into depression.
Coping with a breakup
In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it might seem impossible to cope. It’s normal to feel hurt and even possibly overwhelmed. For some, reading about relationships and analyzing the breakup might help. For others, a new passion or hobby like physical fitness might help you cope with the loss and move on with your life. Another popular method of coping with breakups is by listening to breakup songs.
Music is a triumph of humanity. Almost every culture has its own kind of music, and music can help us think, feel, and even cope in the wake of a breakup. There are plenty of songs that have been written about breakups or that have helped people cope with the feelings and emotions caused by a breakup. “Melancholy” by The Weekend was written after a painful breakup. Roxette talks about her feelings of pain after a relationship in her song Must Have Been Love. Taylor Swift, whose love-life has been the subject of much popular speculation, has penned several breakup songs, including the famous “We are never ever getting back together,” which provides a liberating take on breakups. Are you a victim of infidelity? Carrie Underwood’s “Before he cheats” is a great tune to sing along to — just don’t do what the song’s protagonist does.
Accept the truth
After a breakup, it is important to accept the truth. As much as it hurts, your relationship is over. Your life is changing. A relationship that you probably had hopes and dreams for has come to an end. It is critical to accept this reality. Continuing to pine after a lost or departed lover is unproductive. You may want to talk to a counselor about how to accept your new reality and move on.
Give yourself some space.
To avoid slipping into depression, you must give yourself space. It might be tempting to contact your ex, but that is not likely to be constructive. It is best to cut the cord and remove them from your life as much as you can. If you encounter one another, be polite but don’t slip back into your role in the relationship: you are independent now. Take some space and time to be by yourself and think about what should come next for you.
You are the most important person in your life, and this is a time to remember this and pamper yourself. Improve your lifestyle. Bring about some changes in your surroundings. This could be something as small as moving your furniture around or as big as getting yourself a pet. Cleanse your space of items that remind you of your ex. The changed ambiance will help you move along.
Don’t avoid socialization
Taking time to yourself is important, but humans are social creatures. After a period to collect yourself, you should go out with friends. You might consider meeting new friends, taking up a new activity, or socializing with your family. It’s important to balance your need for space to mourn with your need for social interaction.
Take a vacation
Taking a vacation, even a miniature vacation or a staycation, can help improve your state of mind. Hit the road in your car or book a week in the mountains. A new, fresh place can provide you with a new, fresh perspective on life. When alone in a new place, you will be astonished at how your mind works around impossible situations.
Don’t use alcohol or drugs
When you are thinking about how to get over a breakup, you might feel the pull of the bottle or the pipe. Mind-altering substances do have a way of removing us from our body and pain. However, this is not a healthy or appropriate coping mechanism. Numbing the emotional pain with chemicals is not a good strategy for coping with loss. Alcohol and drugs can become addictive and impair your judgment. They can even lead to consequences with your employer or problems with the law. If you are feeling the need to drink or use drugs, you should seek professional help from a mental health counselor. There is no shame in taking care of yourself properly!
Keep yourself busy
Keeping busy is a great way to cope. Meditation is a wonderful way to find inner peace and process your emotions and worries. Exercise is a great way to burn off stress and stay healthy. Reading books, watching favorite movies or TV shows, playing a new video game, and blasting a breakup song are all good ways to stay busy and keep yourself from dwelling on the loss.
Don’t get yourself involved in a relationship immediately after
Rebound relationships are never a good idea. After a breakup, you are emotionally vulnerable and seeking connection. You may find yourself powerfully attracted to a new mate or flirting with someone at the bar. You might even find you have a sudden suitor who is pursuing you. But a relationship in the wake of a breakup is likely to suffer. You may still be processing complex feelings and emotions about your ex, projecting your desires for your ex onto your new partner, or dating someone for revenge or convenience. You may even date someone your ex would disapprove of as an act of subliminal revenge. Whatever the circumstances, it is not a good idea to launch yourself into a new relationship. Be with yourself for a time, take care of your own needs, figure out how to define yourself without a partner. Only then can you enter a new and healthy relationship.
Breakups are difficult no matter how tough you are. Even the most macho man or the strongest woman will feel pain after the ending of a relationship. And that’s okay. When you love someone, and they leave, it is hard to understand what happened. Relationships are a huge part of our life, and a sudden and dramatic alteration in our relationship is going to affect almost every part of our life. But a breakup isn’t the end of the world. Taking some time to yourself, leaning on close friends and family, blasting some breakup songs, getting a change of scenery, or even picking up new hobbies and interests are all constructive ways to cope with an unpleasant reality. Breakups happen, but just because they broke up with you doesn’t have to mean they broke you.