Marriage is a binding contract that secures you and your wife together forever. You enter into it thinking that you’ll live happily ever after. You know you’ll have your ups and downs—all couples do—but you think you’ll weather them together, coming out stronger and wiser. However, that’s not always the case. Sometimes the marital bond weakens, and your wife succumbs to the temptation to cheat. It wouldn’t be all that uncommon—recent surveys suggest that 13 percent of women cheat on their partners, so you’re not alone if you find your wife cheating.
How do you know the truth without actually catching your wife in the act? You don’t. But maybe you feel that you’ll find your wife cheating. You can’t put your finger on it, but something is off. If you feel this way, listen to your gut and watch for these seven signs. You won’t know for sure until you catch your wife cheating, but if you notice her acting suspiciously, you can start preparing yourself for the worst. The most important thing to remember is that you have options.
What If I Find My Wife Cheating?
Before you do anything, take a deep breath. Relationships evolve, and if you don’t take care to nurture yours, you may begin to grow apart. Distance doesn’t always mean that you’ll find your wife cheating, so don’t jump to conclusions. Consider your behaviors and identify if there are changes that could be causing your wife to pull away.
If, after that exercise, you still think you’ll catch your wife cheating, then start to look at her behaviors. Has she made adjustments to her appearance, behaviors, or communication patterns? What about a new need for privacy or a sudden change in your sex life? Maybe she’s started to shower you or herself with gifts. All of these are actions that can indicate a cheating wife.
Take care to observe her behaviors, and once you feel ready, you can confront her about what you found. However, without proof, she may not admit to an affair—or she may not think she’s cheating if she’s just found a new emotional confidant. If you want to salvage the relationship, suggest going to couples therapy. It’s a safe space where you can discuss your issues with an impartial mediator.
You have options if you find your wife cheating. Yes, it’s an emotionally devastating betrayal, but you don’t have to be broken down by infidelity, nor should you seek revenge. Cheating isn’t a quid pro quo—you won’t even out the scales if you return her unfaithful behavior. Whether you decide to divorce or stick it out, no one can tell you what’s right for you and your relationship. You get to choose how to react if you catch your wife cheating.
Look Out for Cheating Behaviors
Once you’ve been with your wife for a long time, you know a lot about her. You understand her likes, patterns, and the quickest ways to drive her crazy. At first, changes in her behaviors may be subtle. She changed her hair color or started wearing makeup when she goes out. These behaviors compound over time, and soon you suspect you may find your wife cheating.
Here are seven cheating behaviors to look for if you think she’s having an affair. You may not catch your wife cheating, but you can work to identify what’s changing in your relationship and work toward a resolution, whatever that looks like for you and your wife.
Changes in Appearance
You both took great care of your appearance at the beginning of your relationship. You always dressed nicely to impress her. She always did her hair and makeup, looking fabulous for a night on the town. Once you get married, though, you become more comfortable. You naturally start to take less care of your appearance because you are secure in the relationship.
If you’ve reached this point of comfort, but you notice your wife starting to change her looks, it may cause concern. Maybe she’s started to pay close attention to her appearance in new ways. She cut and dyed her hair or styled it. Perhaps she’s wearing makeup or taking great care to get ready before she leaves for the day. She could have started to buy new things, trying to be trendy in ways she hasn’t for years. Your wife could start wearing sexy lingerie and undergarments.
Changes like this don’t always mean you’ll find your wife cheating. She could just be going through a mid-life crisis. However, unexplained changes are something to note and remember for later. If she’s not motivated to look good for you at home, she may be trying to look good for someone else when she leaves.
Change in Behavior
If suddenly your partner is yelling at you and you did nothing wrong, you may find your wife cheating. Maybe she’s yelling to make herself feel better, shifting the blame and justifying to herself that she cheated because you never listened or you couldn’t do anything right.
Your wife may also become distant or even indifferent to you. Maybe she’s stopped saying “I love you” or kissing you goodnight. Again, her pulling away has to do with her feelings of guilt. She knows she shouldn’t be cheating on you, but her lover is filling some emotional void inside her. She can’t stop her behavior. So instead of owning responsibility and putting an end to it, your wife chooses to pull into herself. She doesn’t realize this is a clear sign you may find your wife cheating.
Your wife may not think you’ll notice her behavior changing, especially if you’ve been growing apart for years. If you confront her, she’ll likely lash out and try to gaslight you into believing nothing is wrong. Listen to her, but take it with a grain of salt. Until you have actual proof, you can’t know if you’ll find your wife cheating or if she doesn’t like the person she’s become and is trying to fix it.
Shifts in Communication
Communication is essential to healthy relationships. It’s how you maintain connection despite the business of the day. If your communication starts to suffer, it will have trickle effects throughout your relationship, and you may find your wife cheating. If your wife stops talking to you altogether, that likely means she’s talking to someone else. It could be a family member, a friend, or a lover. Someone else is her sounding board, and she’ll continue to drift from you and the relationship.
Communication patterns change over time, so you must take time and attention to foster strong communication with yourself and your spouse. The more open and honest you can be about issues, even stressful ones, the better off you’ll be. If your wife feels like you’re not listening or dismissing her concerns as trivial, she will seek someone who will listen. If you only yell at her, she’ll feel worthless and seek someone who makes her feel valued. Cheating is often a cause and effect with how your partner perceives you’re treating them, and it starts with communication.
Another sign you may find your wife cheating is she can’t meet your eyes. She looks away or over your shoulder instead of looking at you while talking. If she looks to the right before answering a question, she could be lying. These are all subtle signs that she’s feeling guilty. But she could be hiding something other than infidelity, so don’t automatically assume you’ll catch your wife cheating.
Shifts in Technology Use
Our smartphones are essential to our daily lives, so take note of your wife’s habits. Is she always on the phone? Does it seem like she’s constantly texting others but rarely talks to you? Does she clam up and become secretive if you ask what’s going on? Or maybe she takes her phone with her everywhere and has changed her passwords, so you no longer have access like you used to.
These are suspicious behaviors, but you may have a hard time tracking down proof of any wrongdoing. You can check browser history or text log to catch your wife cheating, but she may have cleared them. Maybe she’s using a different texting app to hide her communications. A cheating partner is creative, especially if you’re the breadwinner. She may want to have her cake and eat it too, for as long as she can.
Social media use is another thing to keep an eye on. We live on social media, and if there’s a shift in your wife’s posting patterns, it may indicate something is up. Maybe she’s started overcompensating, posting pictures of you and your family to show how happy you are. Or it could be the opposite. Maybe she’s stopped posting about you altogether or started to delete pictures. You may catch your wife cheating if she’s curating her social media to appear single.
Remember, most of what you see on the internet is smoke and mirrors. It’s all an illusion to curate a persona of what you want the world to see. If she’s changed her persona, you may find your wife cheating. Not all people live and die by social media, so she may not have a strong presence.
All this is to say that technology can help you catch your wife cheating differently. You need to know where to look.
Sudden Change in Sex Life
Intimacy is up there, with communication as the most crucial part of your relationship. If you notice sudden changes in your sex life, it may indicate you’ll find your wife cheating. She may lose interest in sex altogether, pulling away from you in favor of her new partner. She will feel guilty that she’s letting multiple men touch her, and she’ll want to limit the sexual interactions to one person.
On the other hand, your wife may become voracious in bed. She can’t get enough of you and will be interested in trying new tricks. You’ll be doing it so often that you’ll feel like you’re back in the first blush of your relationship. There will almost be a desperate edge to your lovemaking as she tries to work off the guilt in bed with you.
Whatever the sudden change in intimacy is, if you suspect you’ll find your wife cheating, it’s essential to get tested for STDs. She may or may not be using protection during her affair, and she can bring something home to you. If you test positive, that’s one way to catch your wife cheating.
If you have discussed any new lack of intimacy with your wife, changes could be her way of trying to work on your relationship. It doesn’t always have to mean that you’ll find your wife cheating.
A cheating wife will spend more time with friends than with you. Girls’ nights out become more and more frequent. She won’t text you throughout the night, or she’ll get home late. If you ask how her night is, she doesn’t go into detail. There are no pictures to show for it, or she’s not in any of the photos that her friends post. Maybe she’ll say she’s made a new friend, but every time she visits the “friend,” she comes home and immediately showers. These suspicious behaviors can indicate you may find your wife cheating.
It doesn’t always have to be her friends that she uses to hide being unfaithful. She may start to blame it on work, and her schedule will change. She’ll begin working long hours, blaming her long absences on projects. However, she’ll give vague answers if you ask her about the projects. She’ll name only women if you ask who she’s working with on the project. At the same time, maybe she’s started to dress up for work in new ways or bring food for her friends.
These schedule changes can indicate you’ll find your wife cheating. They are convenient ways to cover her infidelity with little question. After all, you can’t complain she’s spending too much time with her friends or at work without sounding selfish. She’ll come up with a related story to justify her behaviors if you do.
Change in Spending Patterns
The last behavior that indicates you may find your wife cheating is any significant changes in your finances. Is she spending more and more money on frivolous things? Maybe she has started to shower you with gifts to show she’s thinking of you. Perhaps she bought herself an entirely new wardrobe or is bribing your children with toys. Changes in spending patterns can indicate that she’s feeling guilty and trying to make up for it. She’s buying gifts to distract from the issues at hand.
Perhaps money is missing from your account without anything to show for it. You discover that your wife is taking out cash or transferring it to another account, but she doesn’t have a good reason when you ask about it. It could be that your cheating wife has started an emergency fund if you kick her out. She’ll start preparing for different scenarios should she get caught, and spending patterns can provide insight into what she’s planning.
Does It Make a Difference if It’s an Emotional Affair vs. Physical Intimacy?
There are two types of affairs, and both can be equally damaging to your relationship. Your wife can have a physical affair that involves a sexual relationship outside the marriage. She can also have an emotional affair where there is no physical contact. However, a solid emotional connection develops based on deep emotional intimacy often reserved for partners. These are both types of marital infidelity.
Women are more likely to have an emotional affair than a physical one. They seek emotional validation for their feelings over their physical needs, and sometimes this can be more damaging than a one-night stand. Consider your options if you find your wife cheating in either way. The type of affair may determine if you can move on together following cheating allegations. You have to be prepared to forgive and let the past go.
Should You Consider Couples Therapy?
After you catch your wife cheating, it can be difficult to trust each other. There are a lot of residual emotions that can be hard to work through on your own, so you may want to consider couples therapy. Couples therapy is a safe space where you can discuss relationship issues with a fair and impartial mediator. Nothing is off the table, so you can air out whatever issues you may have.
A cheating wife may explain her reasonings, and you can share what it will take for you to move on. You can move forward from a cheating scandal as a couple if you’re both willing to truly forgive each other and work on your relationship. You must be able to let go of the past. It cannot come up in arguments long after the fact.
It’s up to you if you can forgive a cheating wife and rebuild the trust that you lost in your partner and your relationship. There is no correct answer, but remember, you can’t even begin the work until you know the truth. Keeping an eye on these seven signs can help you find out if your wife is cheating on you. Once you’re aware of the situation, you can begin to process it in the best ways for you.