INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships – A Question of Compatibility
The number of people who are unmarried or not in a committed relationship has increased dramatically over the past 30 years. Because of this rising trend, relationship science has searched for answers to explain why more and more people are not committing to each other. Often, it seems, two people don’t get along with each other due to personality conflicts and differences in goals and interests. Couples often lament, “He/she is a great person. But we just don’t see eye to eye on anything!” Usually, if there isn’t common ground on much of anything either partner holds dear, then the relationship starts to spiral in a downward succession. Let’s take a look at issues that pop up between a couple in which each person is the opposite of the other. We will discover if INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships work only if the couple is paired with a like-minded partner or if two very different people are compatible.
Meet Our Couple
Sue is quiet and reserved. She loves to read, watch movies with her cat on Saturday nights, and paint beautiful scenes of places she’s never been. She is passionate about helping people and animals and wants to save the Earth from the dangers of climate change and pollution. At work, Sue was not known to join lunch meetups or get drinks at the local pub down the street at quitting time. And she secretly hopes that her company’s work-from-home policy never changes.
Tom is outgoing and is not afraid to try something new. He welcomes challenging projects with open arms and is the team leader in his department at work. Tom finds it very easy to talk to – well, anyone – this guy has the “gift of gab.” He regularly goes out with friends and doesn’t remember the last time that his weekend schedule wasn’t full of social calls. But Tom is not just fun and games and parties. He is a member of a community coalition to assist the homeless with food, counseling, and job training.
Sue is an INFP, and Tom is an ENFJ. Surprisingly most INFP relationships partner well with others unlike themselves. It is the same for ENFJ relationships.
You may be asking: what is an INFP? Introversion Intuition, Feeling, and Perception, abbreviated INFP, is one of 16 personality profiles or types identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. INFP persons are described as being idealists or mediators. They are creative, not very outgoing, and are driven by their values and passions. INFPs search for their place in the world, a quest (so to speak), for their purpose in life. They are driven by a need to help others or make the world a better place. They evaluate their talents and skills and use this information to discover how they can make a difference in the life of animals, children, or the environment. This personality searches for INFP relationships where a partner will share feelings and listen to their innermost thoughts.
Those in INFP relationships like interactions with smaller groups of people. They often like being alone, but this is not necessarily a dominant characteristic. And, INFP should not be considered shy. Simply put, large, loud social situations drain their energy. Their introversion makes smaller, intimate gatherings more preferable.
The “N” in INFP stands for intuition, and those with this personality type use their emotions when making decisions. INFP relationships “trust their gut,” and objectivity is not a primary concern. INFP relationships like to keep options open, and personal values have high standing when a significant decision is made.
INFP Relationships – Strengths and Weaknesses
Remember Sue? Sue has many admirable qualities and strengths. She is a loyal employee and a devoted friend, and has worked for the same employer for 14 years. Other higher-paying jobs have presented themselves in the past, but Sue still likes her career. However, her boss isn’t comfortable with the prospect of relocating to another city or even having a long commute. INFP relationships consider major changes carefully. Sue is fond of her neighborhood and the close relationships she’s developed at the coffee shop, library, and market. She has long-lasting friendships and is always available to listen when a friend needs her. Her desire for committed and loyal INFP relationships is strong. She works well on her own and prides herself on being able to see the “big picture,” whether it’s a project to manage or a personal decision to make.
But, the “Sue” in INFP relationships is difficult to “get to know,” and feelings are easily hurt. She’s very idealistic, and if someone else doesn’t see the merit in one of her ideas or goals, this is upsetting. In her world of big schemes and plans, the big picture doesn’t allow her to see or understand many of the small details that might be troublesome.
INFP relationships tend to be viewed very idealistically and sometimes unrealistically. Dreaming of romantic interludes is not a bad thing. But, Sue sometimes gets caught up in thinking about what she thinks the relationship should be and not the reality of what is currently transpiring between her and her partner. The world of an INFP is filled with stories, fantasy, hopes. Again, it’s not a bad thing, but those in INFP relationships don’t often share these feelings with their partner. Sue may want to see her lover as strong, confident, and successful but also wants to see a sensitive side and more expressions of affection and caring. If these needs are not communicated, the relationship could end up in conflict.
Conflict is difficult in INFP relationships. Sue tries to repress or ignore issues that need to be dealt with. However, if one of her values is in question, she has no problem dealing with that head-on. Her idealism makes her want to believe the best about her partner but holding negative feelings inside leads to resentment and passive-aggressive behaviors that threaten any relationship.
Those in INFP relationships seek someone who is in many ways their opposite. ENFJ is an abbreviation for Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. ENFJs are termed protagonists and use their creativity for helping others and strive to always do the right thing, and an ENFJ won’t shy away from a difficult task. Because of this drive to help, many politicians, teachers, and business leaders fall into this personality category. This protagonist is not afraid to speak up and do the right thing and is quick to speak out when injustice is present. They are passionate and charismatic and find joy in helping others be their very best selves. They are excellent communicators and lead by example. A critical factor in ENFJ relationships is the need to help everyone be their personal best.
The “N” in this abbreviation also stands for intuition. ENFJs have a knack for discerning someone’s motivations, and this makes them very persuasive. When there is a disagreement, the ENFJ finds common ground, and when there are blocks or reluctance, this personality type finds a workaround. INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships differ in how intuition factors into their personality.
The “F” in ENFP is all about feelings – but feelings that are different from the INFP. These personality types concern themselves with feelings of affection and affirmation. They are “on top of the world” when they know they are helping others become the very best version of themselves. ENFJ relationships want to feel love and warmth from ENFJ relationships and feel the best way to achieve this is to help and please the ones they care about.
Individuals in ENFJ relationships become stressed if they feel they are not doing a good job or if they feel judged by friends, family, or others in the community. They like being told they are doing a good job! So positive affirmations are essential to this personality type.
ENFJ Relationships – Strengths and Weaknesses
Now, consider Tom. Toms’s strengths lie in his ability to be receptive and open to other’s ideas and viewpoints. He has strong opinions but is willing to consider others’ thoughts and value their input. Tom is charismatic and reliable, whether it’s a personal relationship, a community project, or a hobby. He’s passionate, determined, and always gives his best.
ENFJ relationships benefit from good communication, but Tom is frequently perceived as condescending when informing others about his opinions, causes, and beliefs. Tom also sees problems and situations as right or wrong, so he sometimes seems judgy. Persuasion is not his strong suit.
Because of this personality type’s effective communication and willingness to show affection, ENFJ relationships are defined by closeness and being “real.” Tom is supportive of his partner but sometimes smothering. He works with care to bring out the best in people, but he sometimes tries too hard. This is a turn-off in ENFJ relationships that are independent and satisfied with the status quo.
Dealing with conflict is sometimes tricky for ENFJ relationships. While Tom has strong views and opinions, if he thinks they will cause conflict with those he cares about, he will push the problem to the side and not deal with or solve the issue. Like INFP relationships, if the problem goes against his core principles, this sets up an even more explosive situation. Tom won’t deal with the problem, and he gets increasingly more angry and resentful over time. Eventually, it happens. The frustration and angst erupt, and Tom says things that he regrets terribly later.
Compatibility in INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships
So, back to Sue and Tom. Are INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships compatible? The short answer is YES; they are compatible. INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships can work. It’s their differences that make them stronger.
INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships find common ground on many important efforts-especially ones that involve helping others. Even when you resolve issues in different ways, having similar goals establishes meaningful and satisfying INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships. From this foundation, connections are strengthened, and this results in a compatible match.
If you are an INFP and your partner is an ENFJ, you’ll want to discover the best ways to improve and fortify your INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships in the areas of social obligations, communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution.
INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships – Social Gatherings
“Friend” INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships are great match-ups. INFP’s introversion meshes well with the extroverted feelings and behaviors of an ENFJ. For example, Sue often feels awkward or uncomfortable in a social setting. But, she can rely on Tom to start, carry and extend conversations. And, if she becomes overwhelmed and seeks a more quiet setting, Tom understands her feelings, and as a people pleaser, he’ll make sure she doesn’t get too uncomfortable. INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships complement each other.
INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships – Communication
It is understood that communication is complex for many people, and couples in INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships are no different. Sue and Tom find each other engaging, even stimulating, when conversing with each other. Both want to support a new shelter for homeless vets in their city. They have long talks and fine ideas on many aspects and positive impacts of the community project. But people in INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships are idealistic. This is a trait they share. This duo talks extensively about the big picture but can’t seem to hammer out the details on how or what they can or should contribute. This leads to the potential for misunderstandings and even hurt feelings. INFPs and ENFJs shouldn’t ever assume that both are like-minded on a plan of action or decision.
Partners in INFJ relationships don’t mind if an extrovert like Tom takes the lead. However, Tom needs to be cautious and not “put Sue in the corner.” Sue has input and appreciates being listened to. Also, to strengthen communication skills, this duo needs to remember that each has strong feelings. Therefore, Tom should give Sue time to think things through and then hear her out.
Modes of communication make a difference too. Tom, our extrovert, enjoys phone calls and face-to-face meetings. Sue, our introvert, appreciates an email or text. Recognizing each other’s preferences leads to better communication in INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships.
INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships – Intimacy
Intimacy is defined as friendship or closeness. But for couples, intimacy is a sexual act. So, are Tom and Sue compatible under the covers? Again, the answer is YES! INFP relationships in the sexual arena exist in two categories- casual and committed. Sue is okay with a no-strings-attached sexcapade as long as her partner is kind, considerate, and considerate. However, she prefers a committed relationship where she is not afraid to invest and develop feelings for her partner. Not surprisingly, ENFJs are skilled lovers. When they find someone they are attracted to, they will move mountains to see their partner content. ENFJs see sex as an affirmation of affection and ask if their lovers are happy and how they feel during the act. These traits are welcomed by those in INFP relationships. ENFJs view sex as an opportunity to show affection and satisfy their partner. INFP relationships value romance and creativity. This translates well in the bedroom. The ENFJ looks to meet the needs and even the fantasy of the INFP partner. Sue may dream of being swept off her feet and laid on a bed of rose petals, and Tom is sure to make it happen.
INFP Relationships ENFJ Relationships – Conflicts
Daily life brings all of us everyday conflicts. Remember Sue. She likes a quieter, slower environment since she is more reserved and flexible with plans, schedules, and deadlines. Tom is a go-getter, so disputes and disagreements arise occasionally. One may ask how INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships can work and or live together without constant friction. It can be done!
Both INFP and ENFJ personalities are both Feeling personalities. Both need to express their feelings openly while remaining empathetic to each other. As with most couples, heated discussions lead to words said that both soon regret. During serious discussions, Sue needs to express herself openly and fairly. With his desire to please, Tom should allow her the time required to process her feelings without interjecting his opinion or being judgemental. Valuing each other’s feelings and avoiding conflict are attributes of INFP and ENFJ relationships, so arguments can be minimal.
When working together, INFPs are more flexible while ENFJs provide energy to projects or tasks. This compatible combination allows Sue to keep Tom from going overboard. Tom’s charisma will enable him to take on responsibilities that Sue might find overstimulating. In fact, when tackling a task or project, Sue gets motivated by listening and being a helper to others. Quiet time to regroup allows her to process and make recommendations for smoother transitions and efficiency. Likewise, Tom is motivated by forming connections with other people. Recognizing these strengths in each other is powerful and leads to productivity, happiness, less stress, and less conflict.
INFP relationships and ENFJ relationships deal with change differently. A move, job change, or childbirth brings good and bad stress to any couple. Sue is more open to change because of her willingness to be flexible. Tom, is more of a planner, so significant life changes could be more stressful. Discussion on the positive aspects of the change, led by Sue, helps Tom plan and create new routines.
Partners in INFP and ENFJ relationships are both desperate to please. Conflict is stressful and worrisome for both. However, seeing the balance between both personality types and how Tom and Sue can use their different strengths to overcome challenges leads to a harmonious partnership.
INFP and ENFJ relationships are an exciting blend of introversion, extroversion, feelings, altruism, and intuition. This results in chemistry that endures the trials and challenges of life and results in a long-lasting, love-filled, and uplifting relationship.