The INFJ and INTJ are two of the rarest personality types in the classification system described by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs. Evidence suggests that each of these personality types makes up about 2% of the population. Their reclusive nature means your chances of bumping into an INTJ or INFJ at a party or a gathering are slim. As such, an INFJ INTJ relationship is as rare as a unicorn. Both of these personalities are described by the Myers-Briggs type inventory (MBTI) as being introverted, thoughtful, and analytical.
Some of you might read this description and think, “These guys sound like nerds.” And you might not be wrong! But the INFJ and INTJ will wear epithets like “nerd” or “bookworm” as badges of honor. And while you might not think of a bookish person as being a great lover, the fact is that INFJ relationships especially are marked by a deep, almost spiritual bond between partners and a desire to please in the bedroom. When a relationship between an INFJ and an INTJ begins to spark, it’s sure to ignite a lifelong flame of passion between the two lovers. An INFJ INTJ relationship is a melding of two remarkable personalities. They can both be stubborn, tenacious, and thoughtful. INFJ relationships can be challenged by their mysterious nature, and INTJ bluntness can injure INFJ’s feelings. Is there any hope for an INFJ INTJ relationship?
The INFJ is also known as the Advocate. These personalities have been gifted with a deep sense of idealism and integrity, and INFJ relationships are held to the same high standards as the rest of INFJ’s world. Advocates are known to be very versatile people. They may go from passionately speaking about a vital subject in a business meeting to being soft-spoken and approachable in mere moments. They are marked with an idealistic streak and often feel bothered by the world’s injustices, which can drive Advocates into helping professions. While these feelings often drive outstanding achievements or positive behavior, they can also predispose INFJ personalities to cynicism, burnout, and a sense of disappointment in the world around them when it fails to live up to their ideals. INFJ relationships can also suffer if a partner doesn’t live up to expectations. George Carlin once said that “Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist,” and he could well have been talking about Advocates when he made that remark.
The INFJ’s quest for meaning often characterizes INFJ relationships. Advocates take the process of selecting their partners very seriously. They are not looking for a hookup or someone with who they share a surface-level connection. They are looking for a deep, sincere, and almost mystical or spiritual connection with their partner. INFJ relationships are warm, honest, and caring. The almost superhuman ability of Advocates to pick up on subtle cues keeps INFJ relationships grounded in reality; they are very perceptive and good at picking up changes in their partners’ emotional state.
So far, the INFJ sounds almost perfect: brooding, sensitive, passionate, yet gentle. Is it possible that someone could be this perfect? Of course not! INFJ relationships are pretty awesome, but they are prone to their fair share of troubles. INFJ’s have a reputation for being hard to know, as they only share their true self with a few chosen individuals. INFJ relationships can be damaged by their perfectionism and their reluctance to open up. Their mood can be challenging to read sometimes, and they can bristle or become uncomfortable when questioned. INFJ’s often struggle with self-care, which can thicken their mood. As introverts, they need time alone; yet as feeling personalities, they have difficulty saying no to others. This is a significant obstacle in INFJ relationships, as not everybody is receptive to a partner’s need for alone time. This conflict naturally sets up the INFJ for emotional exhaustion, which is detrimental to INFJ relationships.
INFJ relationships are extraordinarily intimate. One of the critical characteristics of the INFJ personality is their desire to connect with others on a deeper level. INFJ’s often seek an almost spiritual connection with their partners. They place a high value on honesty and authenticity and dislike pretentiousness and inauthentic gestures. INFJ relationships require sincerity and maturity to thrive. If your partner is an INFJ, they’ll like sincere gestures of appreciation: instead of roses or a new tie, get them something related to their current interests and hobbies. Celebrate them for who they are, and don’t ask them to change. Advocates don’t want to change to make you happy. They want you to like them how they already are.
Since INFJ relationships place such a premium on authenticity and intimacy, it makes sense that people with this personality type do not like dead-end relationships. The Advocate wants to grow as a person, and they want their partner to do the same. INFJ relationships thrive when there is a path to future mutual growth.
Since they are attuned to the emotions of others, INFJ’s often have a hard time saying no and disappointing other people. In a conflict, or even in planning a simple trip or event together, the INFJ might give in out of fear of disappointing their partner. In conflict, INFJ tends to act on emotional impulses or needs rather than rational ones. This fear of disappointing others can cause a direct conflict with INFJ’s introversion and can cause them to abandon self-care for the needs of others. This is a recipe for burnout, which can be deadly to INFJ relationships.
The INTJ personality type is sometimes called the Mastermind or the Architect. Like the Advocate, people who have the Architect personality type are introverted and thoughtful. However, INTJ’s lack the emotional sensitivity of INFJ’s. Where an Advocate reads another person’s emotional cues and responds to them, usually to make them happy, an INTJ is unbothered by the emotional states of others. The INTJ would much rather be correct than popular, and they would also much rather skip over social niceties such as small talk. This can lead to a perception that INTJ’s are emotionally stunted or closed off, which can be an issue in relationships. INTJ’s are not known to be particularly romantic, which sets them up for conflict if they are in a relationship with a romantic person.
While the INTJ is not a master of romance, they are capable of many other things. Quick-witted, dry, and often sarcastic, INTJ’s distinctive sense of humor sets them apart from the crowd. They are adept at finding rational pathways and analyzing situations to determine the optimal outcome. Their strategic thinking leads them to be successful at most anything they try, which is convenient for them as INTJ’s place a high value on achievement in life. This MBTI type only comprises about 2% of the population, so they’re not easy to find in the wild. They often work with computers or numbers, where their rational and logical thinking is a huge asset.
Is an INFJ INTJ Relationship Viable?
As two of the most cerebral MBTI types, the Advocate and the Architect are well-suited for one another. While they have some differences, especially in terms of emotional processing, these two personality types make a fine pairing; they are the peanut butter and jelly of personality.
An INFJ INTJ relationship is likely to begin with a conversation. The INFJ is likely to find the INTJ’s thoughtful nature appealing, and while many people might find the brisk nature of the INTJ to be a turn-off, the INFJ is good at reading emotion and shares INTJ’s dislike of the mundane. Both the Advocate and the Architect like to discuss ideas, and they often find their complementary natures to be perfect for exploring ideas from different angles. INFJ values the humanistic aspects of problems, while INTJ is more interested in the technical details. This provides both members of the INFJ INTJ relationship with stimulating new opinions that open up new thought channels. In other words, an INFJ INTJ relationship is highly viable.
INFJ INTJ Relationship – Communication
As the kids would say, INFJ is good at giving a friendly vibe check. Rather than checking or discussing vibes, INTJ is probably avoiding the conversation or steering it to something more concrete. This is the core difference between the parties in an INFJ INTJ relationship.
In an INFJ INTJ relationship, the INFJ will be the one who keeps the relationship emotionally stable. INTJ’s are not skilled at the art of romance and often struggle to understand the emotional needs of others. This is a prime area for conflict with INFJ, who needs emotional validation. The tendency of the INTJ to criticize can also become unbearable to the INFJ, who is often very sensitive to criticism. Couple this with INFJ’s tendency to burn out when their ideals aren’t met, and you can see how some INFJ INTJ relationships are doomed.
But there is hope! For an INFJ INTJ relationship to succeed, the INFJ must be willing to be direct about their emotional needs. INTJ has little patience for subtleties and hints. If you would like them to bring you flowers, you’ll need to tell them so directly, but you can expect them to wonder why you’d want dead plants instead of something useful. They’re not quite as emotionless as Mr. Spock, but it might seem that way sometimes. This can pose a big challenge in an INFJ INTJ relationship, as an INFJ may need more validation or emotional availability than INTJ can spare.
Despite these differences, an INFJ INTJ relationship can be massively successful. Both the Advocate and the Architect seek a deep, meaningful connection and find superficial relationships to be intolerable. Both of these types also find deep, intellectual conversations to be very stimulating. Long and winding conversations about things like philosophy, science, and technology will fuel the bond in an INFJ INTJ relationship.
INFJ INTJ Relationship – Money
After communication, money is one of the biggest issues in any relationship, and an INFJ INTJ relationship is no exception. Neither the INTJ nor the INFJ has any special attachment to money, and both tend to view it as more of a means to an end. Money can facilitate their search for personal growth or their quest to find meaning. It also provides security and stability, but it is not something that will define the existence of the INTJ or the INFJ. Both personalities are far more likely to spend money on things that help them grow: you’ll find an INFJ or INTJ spending their savings on travel, learning, or their new hobby instead of the latest fashions or gizmos.
In an INFJ INTJ relationship, the INTJ is better suited to invest money for growth. INFJ’s tend to view the world through their altruistic or idealistic lens, whereas INTJ’s view the world in a more detached and rational way. An INFJ might pour their savings into investments associated with their values; they may invest in green energy or an index fund for a developing nation because such an investment aligns with their ideals. This is a valid investment strategy, but if growing your money as much as possible is the goal, the INTJ should be in charge of investing; their more rational and analytical nature will help them find suitable investments and grow the family fortune.
INFJ INTJ Relationship – Sex
Sex isn’t everything (not in a healthy relationship, anyway), but it is an important component of any romantic relationship. Navigating the complexities of human sexuality is tricky for many people. Those in an INFJ INTJ relationship are no exception.
So, how is the sex life between the two introverted bookworms in an INFJ INTJ relationship? INTJ’s have a complex relationship with sex. They tend to function on two extremes: some INTJ’s view sex as a perfunctory part of a relationship, a physical act designed to achieve specific outcomes like pregnancy or orgasm, or as something scheduled for Thursday night. This is part of INTJ’s relentless rationality in action: rather than embracing the unpredictable nature of human sexuality, they define and control it. Sounds…fun? The best-case scenario is to find an INTJ who views sex as a way to connect with their partners on a deep level. INTJ may not be emotionally expressive, but they aren’t emotionless. When INTJ views sex as a way to bond, they will take their time with their partner and go all-out. This side of the Architect wants to make some truly intense, meaningful, deeply connected whoopie with their partner.
Sex in INFJ relationships can also be tricky. The INFJ likes to keep their secrets and has a hard time letting others in. This extends to sex: it is hard for the Advocate to get to the point where they are comfortable enough with a partner to be vulnerable in the unique ways sex makes us vulnerable. However, once an INFJ decides to cross that line, they are a gifted lover. INFJ’s are very giving people who thrive on making others feel good, which extends to their activities in the bedroom.
In an ideal INFJ INTJ relationship, the sex will probably be intense, satisfying, and passionate. INFJ and INTJ both value a deep emotional connection, and once they discover that good sex leads to great bonding, there will be no stopping them. They may seem bookish or nerdy on the outside, but an INFJ INTJ relationship in the bedroom can get pretty wild — the Architect might find themselves designing structural supports for the new swing!
INFJ INTJ Relationship – Parenting
With things being so spicy in the INFJ INTJ bedroom, it’s almost inevitable that an INFJ INTJ relationship will eventually include children. Parenthood poses some predictable challenges for the INTJ in particular. INTJ’s are very self-contained, self-controlled, and self-reliant. They also value these traits in other people, which is rather unfortunate for the kids as children are generally none of these things. Not only that, but Architects often have a hard time showing their children affection in traditional ways.
It’s not all bad news, though. INTJ’s are good at teaching their children about the world and instilling self-reliance in their children, and will often seek out opportunities to teach their children the skills they need to be independent. They also like to teach their children problem-solving skills, which helps build kids’ confidence!
When it comes to their children, INFJ relationships are just as warm and affectionate as one might expect. The Advocate wants their children to grow, succeed, and become someone unique and independent. As with so many things in parenthood, this independence and individuality can be a mixed blessing. INFJ is sensitive to criticism, and when their kids enter adolescence and begin to rebel or choose their values, the INFJ might feel hurt or wounded. This is amplified by the INFJ’s strong sense of idealism; when a child rejects a deeply held ideal, it can seem like they are rejecting the INFJ parent. Despite these few issues, an INFJ INTJ relationship is likely to produce well-adjusted children.
INFJ INTJ Relationship – The Verdict
The INFJ INTJ relationship is a meeting of the minds. Both of these cerebral personalities place a high value on authenticity in a relationship. They don’t want a one-night stand or a surface-level connection, rather, the INFJ INTJ relationship relies on an almost otherworldly connection between two people. In an INFJ INTJ relationship, there will almost certainly be conflict. Different ideas about money, different sexual expressions, and different levels of emotional need will create some degree of trouble for this pair. However, both partners’ emphasis on honesty and authenticity will help an INFJ INTJ relationship succeed. INFJ relationships are marked by an insightfulness and passion that lets the INFJ suss out and meet the emotional needs of their partners. INTJ relationships thrive when the INTJ is allowed to shine in their natural environment, and INFJ will be happy to provide the circumstances needed for INTJ to grow and develop. All things considered, an INFJ INTJ relationship can thrive, blossom, and even last a lifetime.