Finding a suitable life partner, while something most people desire, is no walk in the park. The highly romanticized Disney classics (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White) make finding a partner and falling in love seem easy.
Not everyone is as lucky as Tom Holland and Zendaya, going from co-stars to friends to eventually lovers. The week of July 16, 2023, Harper's Bazaar published an article chronicling how their relationship started and what led to where it currently is.
That's why it's important to have an accurate pulse on the person you want to make your life partner (or already have). California-based clinical psychologist Randi Gunther echoes this sentiment, stating, "It's best to find out crucial information about a potential partner before becoming invested in the outcome."
Unsure about where to start? Consider the following five qualities.
Note: Though physical attraction and characteristics are important, this article doesn't focus on those. After all, there's much more to consider when it comes to life partnerships.
Capacity for Empathy
Empathy is a term thrown around a lot in 2023. You're constantly hearing or being told to "be more empathetic." What is empathy?
Without being wordy, it's the ability and willingness (can't have one without the other) to put yourself in the shoes of another person, trying to imagine how they feel in a specific situation.
For example, your significant other, a high-performer who's usually jovial, comes home from work one evening irate and emotionally undone. After some probing, they vent at length about the workplace politics that overshadow their work and accomplishments.
An empathetic partner understands the importance of trying to see things from their lover's vantage point. They feel what you feel, see what you've seen, and experience what you went through, all to make sure any weight on your chest is removed.
Without empathy, understanding one another is virtually impossible. Prioritize finding an empathetic partner. Otherwise, you run the risk of ending up with someone who isn't compassionate, considerate, or kind.
Chivalry
No matter how romantic your entanglement or how deeply in love you are with your significant other, all relationships are transactional, meaning they're based on giving and receiving.
The healthiest relationships are built on balanced reciprocity, similar to a see-saw. Instead of one end going up and staying there, both partners work in tandem to create equilibrium, ensuring ugly emotions like bitterness, disdain, or resentment have no chance to fester.
Taking things a step further, the best partners don't take anomalies personally. For example, if you're used to taking care of kids while your other half does dishes and cleans the kitchen — but they suddenly fall ill — there is no "keeping score" of the extra work. You do it because you understand chivalry requires sacrifice, and sometimes that's contextually based.
Humor
Humor is such a versatile skill to possess. It helps you see the rays of sunshine when things get gloomy or heavy. It relieves tension in yourself and your partner. It makes you both feel better.
It's true that there's a time and place for everything, meaning not all situations call for humor. It isn't advisable to try to deliver a tight five at someone's funeral. Still, that doesn't take away from what making people laugh does.
At the end of the day, when relationships become strained, humor is a great tool to transform tense interactions into light-hearted moments. Letting loose together can bring you closer as well.
Resilience
Resilience exists in so many forms. It's showing up daily in your partner's life. It's committing to talking (or fighting) rather than throwing in the towel. It's doing the really hard, unpleasant personal and mutual work necessary to allow your union to thrive.
Every relationship, no matter how solid the foundation, is bound to experience challenges and setbacks. Your response to these moments determines how resilient you are, which in turn influences the strength of your partnership.
Allowing trials and tribulations to break your spirit, sour your resolve, or destroy your tenacity are a few things the truly resilient never let take place. They understand the value of time and energy and direct theirs in productive directions that yield positive results.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is the willingness to open up about your truest self, usually in ways that feel uncomfortable. Why? Because those moments force you to set aside your pride or desire to appear even-keel all the time and be real in a very raw way.
The information divulged (concerns, feelings, insecurities, etc.) could destroy you if used with malevolent intent. That's why it's important to find someone who gives and expects vulnerability. The hardest part is pushing past the discomfort. Once you do that, everything is downhill from there. You learn to trust your partner more in the process.
Not sure where to start? Try a conversation starter game to find ways to open up to each other.
The Magic Five
It's crazy to think that in the United States alone, there are over 330 million people. Any one of those people, excluding family, close friends, and exes, can end up becoming your forever person.
With so many options, choice paralysis is all but guaranteed (if you struggle to figure out what to watch on your favorite streaming platform, you probably fall into this category). That's why knowing where to turn for guidance matters.
By now, you have five outstanding, timeless, universal qualities to look for in a partner — or see if your current lover possesses. While this list isn't all-inclusive, it is a great starting place for anyone wanting to find an authentic connection.
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