Relationships are never easy. Finding, sustaining, and even ending them takes tremendous work from both people involved. So, if you're looking for a romantic relationship or seeing someone that has you wondering if it is going anywhere, you might want to keep an eye out for signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
"I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you’re with them." This line from The Accidental Tourist rings true if you are wondering if your current guy is interested in a relationship. What are some of the most well-known signs he doesn't want a relationship with you? The type of man he is toward you is where you'll find the signs. The way he behaves and treats you will be your guide. Here are some signs he doesn't want a relationship with you that you can use to decide if you're going to try for a romantic relationship or keep it casual.
Social Signs He Doesn't Want a Relationship With You
When looking for potential signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, paying attention to his social cues and activities might provide insights. If he doesn't see you as part of his life and future, he probably isn't going to pull you into his social life nor spend time socializing with you, at least not in significant ways. So, look at these social warning signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
1. He Doesn’t Include You in His Friend Circle
Has he introduced you to his friends? If he hasn't and you've seen each other for a while, this might be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. If he sees you as part of his life, then it will make sense to introduce you to his friends. If he hasn't yet, has he mentioned doing so? Has he invited you to any group events with other couples? If you answer no to these questions, these are signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
2. He Shows No Interest in Meeting Your Family or Introducing You to His Family
It is a relationship rite of passage to meet each other's families. So unless he has no family to whom he is close, there should come a logical time during your relationship when he'll want to show you off to his family. On the other hand, if he hasn't yet extended an invitation to a family event or even coffee with a sibling, you might take that as one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
If you have, perhaps tentatively, brought up the subject of him meeting your own family, and he's downplayed it or outright refused, that could be another one of the big signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. Even if he doesn't want to bring his family into it for many reasons, if you ask him to meet your family and he says no, that is a bad sign.
3. He Only Sees You at His House or Yours
If you only spend time together at his house or yours, that could be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. Even though some people don't love going out in public too often, never wanting to do something with you around other people is a bit odd. Of course, it could just be that he's shy or introverted, but it can also be something else.
Signs he doesn't want a relationship with you often manifest as avoidance that could appear to be other things, so you'll want to figure out if there is a different underlying reason for wanting to stay in all the time. For example, does he go out with other people? If he frequently hangs out in public with other friends or family, this is probably one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
If he doesn't go out much, he may enjoy quiet time if he has a demanding day job, friends and family. These factors might drive him to crave quiet time at home with you. But, on the other hand, if he never seems to tire of his social calendar with others, then it is probably one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you after all.
4. He Still Has His Dating Profile Up
Many relationships begin through dating app match-ups. It is the modern-day version of singles nights and blind dates set up by your well-meaning auntie. Dating apps have many benefits, such as making it easier for shy or introverted people to get to know someone better before meeting in person. But they are also often used for casual hook-ups, not just by people looking for long-term relationships. Unfortunately, those people don't always make their intentions clear out of the gate.
If you've been spending time together for a while, even if you haven't quite reached the "are we exclusive?" conversational point, there should come a natural moment where you both stop looking at dating apps for other options. Obviously, without an agreed-upon commitment, you can't fault someone for continuing to see other people. Still, if you've either made your expectations clear or have been together for some time and you find out his profile is still up and active, that could be one of many bad signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
5. He Makes Time for Sex but Not for Hanging Out
How much time does he spend with you outside the bedroom? Does he seem only to make time to see you when he's horny? If he doesn't spend time with you outside of sex and only hangs out with you when he wants sex, those are substantial warning signs he doesn't want a relationship with you but only wants sex.
Another sign he doesn't want a relationship with you is if he only carries on a text or phone conversation with you when it is flirty or dirty. If he can't even have an honest conversation with you without bringing up sex, you might wonder if he's in it for just that and not a romantic relationship.
6. He Doesn’t Reply When You Call or Text Him
Making a little time each day, even on busy days, to text or call the person you love is one of the simplest and most endearing ways to show you care. If you find that you are the only one making these gestures, and they often go unreciprocated, that could be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
Do you often call and leave messages that are not returned? Is he content to go days on end without calling or texting with you unless it is time to meet up again? Even the busiest person can spare five minutes a day to talk to someone and will want that interaction each day when you're apart if they spend any time thinking about you. This can be an area of concern if the non-responsiveness is chronic.
Time-Related Signs He Doesn't Want a Relationship With You
7. He Tells You He Misses You but Rarely Makes Time to See You
If you find that he tells you he misses you when you call or text between dates but rarely makes the time to spend with you, that could be another of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. It is easy to tell someone you miss them via a text or phone call. If you start to suspect that is only lip service and not how he feels, you should consider if he misses being with you, or does he only "miss" you when he's bored and has nothing else to do?
8. He Is Always Busy but Not With You
Does the guy you're seeing stay super busy socially but never with you? This one encompasses so many other bad signs but is essential on its own as well. If the guy you're seeing can make time to see his mother every two weeks and hangs out with his bros every weekend but can't seem to squeeze in some quality time with you each week, then you're probably not going to form a successful relationship with this one.
9. He Won’t Make Plans in Advance
When your guy only wants to do things at the moment and never makes plans with you, that might be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. It can be frustrating when the person you love won't commit to long-term plans. However, if this happens a lot, it could start to feel like he only chooses to spend time with you when all of his other options are exhausted.
10. He Doesn’t Respect Your Time Outside of Time Spent With Him
If the man you're seeing doesn't seem to respect your schedule and time, it may be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. If he repeatedly forgets when you've told him you're busy and interrupts what you're doing, it could cause concern. When he knows you are out with friends, does he suddenly have all the time in the world to text and call? If he never commits when you try to set up a time to get together, that might also be a red flag.
11. He Is Unreliable
Does the guy you see consistently forget to do the things he says he'll do? Does he ever forget that you've made plans and makes other plans and then decides your plans are the skippable ones? These may all be signs that he doesn't want a relationship with you. If he wanted to be committed to you, he'd be eager about upcoming plans with you and wouldn't often double-book. And if he did double-book himself, he'd cancel the other plans if he considered you a top priority in his life.
Indirect Signs He Doesn't Want a Relationship With You
Not all signs he doesn't want a relationship with you are about actions. Some are about the things he doesn't do for or with you. Here are some more indirect signs suggesting he doesn't want a relationship with you.
12. He Has a History of Short Term Relationships
If the man you're seeing has a vast history of nothing but short-term past relationships or flings, that could be cause for concern if you are looking to form a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean people can't change, and he isn't currently looking for something more long-term and with you. However, chronic inability to commit is one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you unless he tells you otherwise.
13. He Avoids Discussing Relationships
Have you tried to discuss the direction of your relationship with the guy you see, only to be met with reluctance? If your guy won't discuss your relationship at all, that is one of the bad signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. Even if he feels it is a bit soon for a commitment, if a guy wants a future with you and you've been hanging out for an extended period, he should be willing to discuss it. If he doesn't want to do that, it could cause concern.
14. He Shows No Interest in Things That Excite You
Everyone has passions in their life. And when something is exciting to you, you want to share that with your partner. If the man in your life seems bored when you share your passions or even outright tells you he's not interested in the things that excite you, that should set off some warning bells. It might be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
15. He Doesn’t Make You a Priority in His Life
When someone is genuinely interested in forming a meaningful relationship with you, they will make you a priority in their own life. They will prioritize spending time with you over other people. They will prioritize your needs, often over their own but not to the point of neglecting themselves. If you never see this tendency in your man, it could be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
16. He Never Mentions You or the Relationship When Talking of His Future
When you are hanging out with your guy, talk of his future will inevitably come up, the same as it will with your own. But, when he talks about his future, does he ever include you in it? Does he indicate that he sees you in his future, whether short-term or long-term?
It could mean many things if he doesn't, especially early in your relationship, but it could also be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. It all depends on how long you've seen each other and whether or not there are any other signs he doesn't want a relationship with you to worry about.
Toxic Signs He Doesn't Want a Relationship With You
The above signs are common and sometimes inadvertent signs he doesn't want a relationship with you; signs that he isn't ready or doesn't feel the same way about you. However, there can also be signs that cross into cruelty that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Be careful that his behavior doesn't cross into abuse. You should never tolerate a toxic relationship, regardless of how much you may love him.
17. He Often Seems Irritated Over Small Things
Does every little thing you do seem to irk him? If he often seems annoyed with you over the littlest of things and lets you know in some way that he is irritated, that could be one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. Although it is natural to experience minor annoyances with those we care for, it is not healthy for someone to constantly be upset with you. There can be no healthy relationship if he's unable to accept the smallest of inconveniences.
18. He Makes You Feel Guilty for Wanting More
People's ability and desire to commit vary. It varies from person to person and even from point to point within a person's life. You may grow more desirous of a long-term relationship before your guy does. That is ok, as long as he respects what you want and is clear on whether or not he'll ever be able to deliver that for you. If, however, any conversation you have with your guy about wanting more in the future results in him making you feel guilty in any way, that is one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
Of course, you need to be mindful of where he's at with the relationship, but guilt should never be used as a weapon to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. If he's weaponizing guilt, you should be worried. It could mean he is actively avoiding a relationship or that any future one would be a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships can take a tremendous toll on your mental health.
19. He Makes You Feel Like You Have to Be Careful Around Him
In a healthy relationship, both partners will balance each other's feelings while trying to stay open and honest with each other. Sometimes, it will be natural for you to challenge each other emotionally. That is healthy, but how he handles things when challenged can be quite telling.
If he consistently makes you feel you can never disagree, lest he becomes angry and lashes out, then that is one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't want the give-and-take that comes with such a commitment. He probably wants all the benefits of the relationship from you without all the work required of him to make it a successful relationship.
20. He Thinks Negging Is Flirting
What is negging? Negging is the adult version of schoolyard teasing and bra strap snapping. And it isn't acceptable in a healthy relationship. Even in the guise of teasing, constant insults and putdowns will eventually wear down a person's self-confidence. Being emotionally manipulated is about control, not about commitment and caring. This is one of the signs he doesn't want a relationship with you because he is simply trying to whittle down your self-esteem so that you think you are getting all that you deserve while he only gives the bare minimum to keep you around for his convenience and nothing more.
Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You and What to Do About It
Healthy relationships take work and commitment from both parties involved. No one should ever feel forced to be in one they don't want, but someone shouldn't string them along. If you think you're seeing big signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, you should start by asking yourself if he is the right person for you in the first place.
Women are conditioned from a young age that being in a relationship is a primary life goal. That can sometimes lead you to look for something that isn't there, even when you don't want to be in a relationship. Start by taking stock of where you are in your life, how you feel about the guy you're seeing, and ask yourself if a relationship is something you want.
To be in a successful relationship, you must find out if this guy will ever come around. It could be that it is too soon for him. But unless he can give you some obvious signs that he's open to it in the future, even if he isn't now, then you might want to cut your losses on the relationship and consider just being friends.
If you are both on the same page about not being in a relationship, a friends-with-benefits situation might be right. You can get the physical intimacy you crave while maintaining the independent woman status that you enjoy.
If you want a relationship status of committed with him, you'll need to bite the bullet and make him talk to you about it. If you see the signs above, tell him you are and how they make you feel. His reaction to this conversation might be just the thing to settle your doubts in either direction. You'll either come out of it knowing where you stand and where you could be in the future, or you'll find out if it is time to walk away.
If you want to find out more about yourself and your relationships, try taking some Cupid's Light quizzes for additional insights.
