Infidelity is one of the most traumatic relationship experiences one goes through in life. When someone cheats on you, it sucks. It kills the relationship and damages our memories of that relationship. We start to ask ourselves if anything we experienced with the other person was ever real. How long were they lying? Why did they cheat? Am I the problem? The questions are endless, and sometimes we never get answers. It hurts our self-esteem. It’s not a position anyone ever wants to be. Unfortunately, unfaithfulness does happen, and it happens at least once to about 40% of Americans in romantic relationships. Although men typically cheat more often than women, the percentage of women who cheat has grown in recent years. While the reasons vary, the hurt and anger of the person cheated on stays the same. If you’re suspicious that your significant other might be cheating, here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse to catch them in the act.
1. What Do You Consider Cheating?
Most people in relationships would agree that having sex with someone who isn’t your significant other counts as cheating. Sexual infidelity is a pretty apparent reason for ending a relationship with your partner. But, cheating on your spouse or partner doesn’t have to be simply physical or sexual. Cheating can also be emotional, meaning having feelings for someone else without physically acting on it. Statistics show that women find emotional infidelity more hurtful than men, who find physical cheating more hurtful. Therefore, one of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse is what do they consider cheating? Your boyfriend or husband may be able to tell you with a straight face that he isn’t cheating on you with his co-worker simply because he hasn’t had sex with her. Yet. Except, he may fail to mention the endless late-night text messages, the daily lunch break dates together, innocent coffee meetups because, you know, they’re “just friends.” Emotional infidelity is just as hurtful to a relationship as sexual infidelity. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t consider emotional infidelity actual infidelity, it could be a red flag. Finding out what your spouse considers cheating should be the first of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
2. My Friend’s Boyfriend Cheated on Her. Do You Think She Should Forgive Him?
Next up on our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse is what your partner thinks of another cheating spouse. Casually bringing up cheating in a relationship that’s not your own can be a great way to tell if your spouse is being unfaithful to you. Please pay attention to their initial reaction to your question, including their body language. Do they fidget when you bring the question up? Does their voice change octave levels when they answer you? Do they say too much or too little? These can all be body language signs that they’re lying or uncomfortable with your question. Next, please pay attention to their answers. If they side with the cheating partner by making excuses for him or explaining that “People make mistakes,” this could be their way of excusing their guilt for cheating on you. They may be saying that they would want you to forgive them if you ever caught them cheating. Of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this could be the first red flag something is amiss.
3. Why Can’t I Go With You?
If you’ve noticed that your spouse has been going out with “friends” a lot recently yet never extends the invite to you, they may not be going out with “friends” at all. Hanging out with “friends” at unusual hours more often could be code for cheating. It is especially true if this is outside of their normal behavior. Next time they say they’re going out to meet friends, grill them. Ask if you can go with them. Say you’re bored and want to get out of the house. Tell them you miss them and want to hang out with them more. If they say no, ask them why. “Why can’t I go with you?” One of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse should tell you everything you need to know. If they make up a hundred excuses for it being so important they go alone, something’s up. After all, you two used to do everything together. Why would your spouse suddenly prefer to go out solo? Could it be he’s trying to avoid being seen with you in public for fear his side piece will see you two together? Are they going off to meet this person right now? Of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, asking them why they don’t want you around anymore may feel the most hurtful.
4. Can I See Your Phone Real Quick?
Ah, no list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse would be complete without asking your partner to check their phone. Phones have become central to our everyday lives. We store all of our information on our emails, social media, text messages, pictures, and more. Any evidence of extramarital affairs between your spouse and another person is on their phone. How your spouse reacts to you asking to see their phone will be the ultimate sign of infidelity. Instead of asking them in an accusatorial manner (for example, demanding to see their phone to prove they’re not cheating on you), make up an excuse for why you need to use their phone. Purposely leave your phone behind while you’re both out, then pretend you need to check something on the web with their phone. If they freak out, get angry with you for asking, or make bizarre excuses for why they can’t lend you their phone, it’s because they have something to hide. Defensiveness and anger are common signs of infidelity. They stem from the cheating partner’s guilt for what they’re doing mixed with their anger towards you for seemingly keeping them from being with the other person.
5. Why Aren’t You Paying Attention to Me Like Before?
If your partner is a cheater, their behavior towards you may change. The sweet, random texts they used to send you throughout the day may suddenly stop appearing. They may become more indifferent towards you and what you have to say. You may feel as if they are avoiding you, especially when you initiate emotional intimacy. They won’t pay you as much attention as before because now they’re giving that attention to someone else. “Why aren’t you paying attention to me like before?” is on our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse because it’s an honest and straightforward question. They know they’re behaving differently towards you, and they likely feel remorse. This guilt may translate to anger when you confront them about it. They may accuse you of being dramatic and deny that they’ve been ignoring you. They may make the excuse that they’ve been busy and haven’t meant to put you lower on their priority list. While it’s true that people do, indeed, get busy, someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you will take the time to see you. Therefore, asking them about their new behavior is one of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. How they react to you calling them out is indicative of their adultery.
6. Would You Delete Your Social Media for Me?
While social media continues to be a centerpiece in most people’s lives, most people would agree that it’s not worth losing a relationship over. Social media gives us endless opportunities to connect with people worldwide. It includes cute co-workers that your spouse swears are nothing but friends. The transparency of social media allows us to know who follows who and who “likes” who’s pictures. If your significant other frequently stalks the social media pages of their half-naked “friends,” one of the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse is whether they would delete their social media for you. Sure, this might seem like a big ask. Many of our lives center around social media. We use it to connect with friends and family and stay on top of current events. But if your spouse’s social media activity makes you feel insecure, they should want to reassure you that they only have eyes for you. In contrast, taking a break from social media for a little while to spend more time with their partner should be no difficult feat at all. Unless, of course, they’re communicating or texting with someone via social media that they don’t want you to know.
7. Ask Their Friends Questions About Them
While this is technically not a question for your spouse, it’s included in our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse because a question about them may be just as helpful. Pay a visit to your spouse’s closest friends. You know, the “friends” they are supposedly spending so much more time with lately. While your spouse could be keeping their affair a secret from even their best friends, it’s not likely. It’s more likely that their friends know what’s going on and will try to cover for them. It could be an excellent chance to catch your spouse in a lie. You could pretend that your spouse told you they went out with them to a specific place the other night. If their friends go along with it, you’ll know they’re covering for your spouse. You should be able to tell just by how your spouse’s friends act around you. If they seem nervous or avoidant, it may be because they feel genuine remorse for knowing what they know. If you want to make them sweat, keep asking them more questions. Catch your unfaithful spouse in their lies by making their friends rat them out. If anything, you’ll have fun watching your spouse’s buddies stammer, searching for the correct answer. If you’re lucky, you may even get a full-blown guilty confession out of them.
8. Is There Anything You Want To Tell Me?
Sometimes, you must pretend you know more than you do to catch a person in a lie. Prying the truth out of your partner is included in our 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse because of how simple yet effective it can be. Someone guilty will show visible signs of fear when you confront them. Fear is in the eyes, according to body language experts. When someone fears being caught in a lie, their eyes will become shifty or unable to stay focused on one place. They’ll have a hard time looking directly at you when they answer you. Your spouse may be looking up, down, sideways, or anywhere but at you. Please pay close attention to how they answer your question. If they think you know what they’ve been up to, they may try to find out how much you know. It may mean they answer you slowly or choose their words carefully. It could be a sign they’re testing your knowledge. They may try to avoid answering you by changing the subject or even storming off in a huff. If you’re lucky, the guilt will consume them, and they’ll confess. But it may take another question on our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse if they’re a veteran liar.
9. How Honest Would You Say You Are?
When you’re getting down to the last of your wits with your partner’s infidelity, it’s time to prime them. Priming is the term for a psychological technique in which you influence someone’s thoughts or behavior in a certain way by speaking with specific wording. In doing so, you can convince your partner to be more cooperative and honest with you. By asking, “how honest would you say you are?” you’re priming them for telling you the truth about your next question. Most people want to believe they’re honest, especially with their partners. They’ll likely try to convince you and themselves that they’re always honest. It will implore them to keep their word on honesty when you ask them the final question on our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. Just be aware that some people are very skilled liars. Simply priming them to tell the truth, doesn’t necessarily mean they will.
10. Are You Cheating on Me?
The last question on our list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse is only for the bold and those willing to hear the truth. When you’re sick of guessing and ready to move on with your life, regardless of the answer, ask them upfront, “Are you cheating on me?” Watch for signs of guilt, fear, or shame. Are they fidgeting? Are they speechless? Are they angry? These may be signs they’re guilty and in denial. Check for other body language signs of lying, like shifting eyes or repeating the question back to you. Denial is, of course, how they’d react if they were innocent, but their body language may give them away if they’re not. Subsequently, be prepared for their confession of infidelity if they’re guilty of cheating and tell you the truth. While it may be what you asked for, a part of you might not be ready to hear it. The truth is brutal to hear, but it’s the truth that sets you free. When you’ve gotten your answer from them, whether that be a confession or blatant denial, you’re free to move on. Surviving infidelity is no easy task, but it’s better than allowing unfaithful spouses to take you for a fool. Nobody puts Baby in a corner, and your cheating spouse is no Patrick Swazey. Get yourself out of that corner and dance over their groveling tears of wanting you back.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Moving on from a relationship isn’t easy, no matter how badly the other person treated you. Sometimes people are not suitable for one another. Infidelity is a clear sign that something wasn’t working in your relationship. Even if you were to find out that your partner didn’t cheat, you must ask yourself why you were so suspicious of them in the first place. You have trust issues that you should address if you continue your relationship with them. Rebuilding trust with your husband or wife will take time. These 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse are some of the more common attitudes and behaviors of cheating partners. Every relationship is different, and every person is different. If their answers to our 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse align with this article, it’s not necessarily indicative of their unfaithfulness. However, they may be red flags in your relationship. Keep these 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse in the back of your mind when approaching any new relationship. They may help you dodge a (lying, cheating) bullet.