Two’s company, but three’s a crowd.
This adage might hold for some relationships –or even some facets of a relationship — but not for all. Particularly regarding sex, you may think three’s a darn good time. What is a threesome? How old is the concept? How do you find the best positions for a threesome? Check out the answers to all these questions below.
What is a Threesome?
A threesome, according to Merriam-Webster, is “a sexual encounter involving three people.” Don’t confuse a threesome with a ménage à trois, which is more specific. A ménage à trois is three particular people in either a domestic (polyamorous) committed relationship or in a dedicated pair and have one other person they exclusively have sex with.
Think of a threesome as the casual, less committed cousin of the ménage à trois.
Threesomes Throughout History
Threesomes are not a new fad. If you want to know how far back threesomes date, look at art throughout history to find examples dating back as far as 900 C.E.
The temples of Khajuraho, located in India, are the earliest known example of threesomes and group sex in art. The temples reached notoriety for the erotic sculptures they housed. Sometimes called the “’Kama Sutra in Stone,” these sculptures depict many acts of sexual activity — including threesomes and orgies.
This is a bit of a misnomer, as the Kama Sutra does not include multi-partner positions, although it discusses non-monogamous sexual relations in the prose sections. Given how modern western society views the Kama Sutra as the most comprehensive written guide to sex, the misnomer is understandable.
Fast forward to 2022. “A man desiring a threesome is almost expected,” according to Noni Ayana, a sexuality educator, in a discussion with Medical Daily. She posits that society encourages men to explore their sexuality fully and that sex with more than one partner is a neutral part of that exploration. Ayana makes no mention of women and their sexuality, however.
In a 2016 study involving 274 participants (202 women and 72 men) who took an online survey, 64 percent reported having some interest in a threesome experience. Additionally, 24 percent of men and eight percent of women indicated having experience with threesome activity.
Unsurprisingly, male participants showed more significant interest than females when asked about their desire to try a threesome. Women historically have not felt as comfortable openly exploring their sexuality.
The answers to the study questions show that although interest in threesomes was not exceptionally high, the attitudes and perceptions of the participants indicated there was no stigma or judgment toward those who chose to participate in threesomes.
Safety and Risks in Threesomes
Physical Health Risks
As with any sexual activity, there are risks to your health and safety when you engage in threesomes. The stakes might be higher than one-on-one sex, depending on the positions and movements performed during the threesome.
You are probably well versed in the risks of sexually transmitted diseases already. Adding another person to the equation will increase your likelihood of contracting a disease or transmitting one if you are infected already. Condoms are still the best defense against fluid-transfer-related sexually transmitted diseases, so be sure that all male participants wear one during penetration (and for oral sex, if you want).
Make sure to replace condoms each time someone changes partners for penetrative sex. If not changed each time, the man performing the penetration could inadvertently transfer fluids from the person he just penetrated to the next person.
Another option for barrier protection during penetration is a female condom. It works like a standard condom, except you insert it in the vagina instead of placing it on the penis. In FMF or other configurations involving two females and one male, using female condoms on all females means that the male can move from female to female and back again without transferring fluid.
Bear in mind that the traditional male condom is more effective at preventing pregnancy and spreading disease than any other barrier protection. It works even better when used with different types of protection.
You should consider a dental dam if oral sex is on the menu for your threesome. Dental dams are thin sheets of either latex or polyurethane placed over the vagina, clitoris, or anus. To be most effective, replace the dental dam for each change in a partner, regardless of giving or receiving, to be most effective.
Mental Health Risks
If you or you and your partner are considering threesomes, you should be aware of the emotional and mental risks.
In general, threesomes happen when two people already in a relationship decide to bring in a third party for some bedroom shenanigans.
Regardless of who initiates the conversation about adding another person to the bed, all parties must want to do it and be comfortable with each other. There is much risk to a committed relationship and your mental well-being if one of you agrees to a threesome only to appease the other person.
Ground rules set in advance and frequent discussion about how well things are going will help. You should also remember that adding a third person, even if you feel it is “just physical,” will not fix a bad relationship. Make sure your relationship is healthy and stable first.
Always keep in mind that any third party is a person, too. They might have different expectations, and you should discuss that openly with each other.
Finally, keep an eye on emotional involvement. Even if all parties intend to keep things casual, sex often leads to catching feelings. If emotional connections cause strife between parties, it can put a mental burden on all of you. It could even ruin relationships.
Threesome Sex Positions
You now know the risks associated with engaging in threesome sexual activity. Once you’ve discussed with the other parties and all have agreed on the rules and given consent, you can move to the fun part of the threesomes. Positions!
Finding the best positions for your threesomes will depend on many factors. The physical aptitude of those involved, the likes and dislikes of each party, and the make-up of the trio are all crucial factors in finding the best threesome sex positions.
The most common type of threesome is a male and two females, with primary attention being provided to the male. You probably already have many such positions in mind, given this commonality.
If you are considering a different type of threesome, here are the best positions for each style. Note that the person receiving primary attention in the sexual act will be the middle letter in the title of the threesome position. For example, the above type is an FMF threesome.
Best FFM/MFF Threesome Positions
In these types of threesomes, there are two females and one male, much like in the more common FMF type, but one of the females is the primary focus of the tryst instead of the male.
Doggy Train and Doggy Deluxe Positions
These FFM threesome positions are a fun take on an old favorite. The middle (focused) female will be on her hands and knees, with the male penetrating her from behind in the doggy train position. The second female will also get on her hands and knees, kneeling in front of the focused female. The focused female can then enjoy the other female orally while being penetrated.
A variation on the doggy train is the doggy deluxe position. All parts remain the same as the doggy train, except the second female lies down on her back so the focused female can lean in between her thighs to perform oral sex.
You can experiment so easily with doggy-style variations. Nearly any take on this position for two people is changeable to add a third person to the fun. See if you can come up with your own take on doggy-style MFF threesomes.
Tag Team Threesome Position
For this FFM threesome position, the focused female will lie on her back. The male will position himself between her legs for penetration. The second female will then straddle the focused female’s face.
There is room for adaptability in this position. If the focused female lies with her hips at the edge of the bed, the male can stand instead of being on his knees. This will provide more room for the females to explore each other’s bodies. The second female could face away from the male, but everyone might find it more fun if she faces the man so he can watch her enjoyment.
If the second female leans forward, she could also stimulate the focused female’s clitoris. The male would have access to touch both females in this slightly modified tag team position.
Modified 69 Position
Modified 69ing is a versatile tool when it comes to threesomes. The classic 69 position has the female on top of the male, straddling his face and lying across his body so her mouth can reach his penis. For an FFM or MFF situation, this is modifiable in several ways to include another woman and to keep the focus primarily on the first female.
One approach is to have the second female lie down on the bed, and the focused female straddles her face and lies along her body so she can lick her. Meantime, the male will penetrate the focused female from behind. This position takes a bit of careful maneuvering else the second female risks a surprise slap to the face from the man.
Another 69 modification, sometimes called “the triangle,” involves everyone lying on their sides, mouth to crotch, in a triangle position. Though this one isn’t so much a female focus as it is an evenly focused position, it could be enjoyable as all participants will get equal oral pleasure while providing the same to another participant.
Best MFM Threesome Positions
With MFM threesomes, the focus is still on the lady, with two guys involved instead of one guy and one girl.
The Eiffel Tower Threesome Position
The sole female in this formation begins by getting on their hands and knees in the middle of the bed. One of the male participants places himself in classic doggy-style positioning behind the female. The other male will place himself on his knees just in front of the female so she can give him oral.
How does such a simple position, considered a variation on the doggy train position, wind up with an exciting name like “Eiffel Tower?” It all depends on the last, albeit optional, part. Once the two males are in position, they give each other a high five, forming the tower.
This is either insulting or amusing, depending on your perspective. If all three people are equally engaged in the threesome and comfortably having a good time, the gesture is purely for a bit of levity during the deed. After that, the gents’ hands are free to roam either to the female or to each other. Provided the tower doesn’t fall due to lack of structural support, of course.
Double Penetration Threesome Position
Are you not feeling in the mood for oral sex? If the female involved enjoys both vaginal and anal sex, she might find both at the same time even more fun than choosing.
The easiest way to perform double penetration is for one male to lie on his back. The female will straddle him, leaning forward across his torso once he’s inside her vagina. Once secured, the second male will slip in behind her and simultaneously anally penetrate her.
This setup provides maximum pleasure for the lady involved. If she can also stimulate her clitoris, her orgasms could be out of this world.
Best MMF Threesome Positions
What are the best threesome sex positions when there are two guys and one girl, but the focus will be on one of the guys? Many of the above positions would also work for this, but there are a few positions that cater to MMF you can explore.
The Train Threesome Position
This is another position that caters to penetration over oral sex. In the train position, the focused male lies on the bed on his side. The female will lie on her side before him, positioning herself so he can penetrate her from behind. This is sometimes called the belt position.
Trying vaginal or anal penetration with the female in this position gives more variety.
The second male gets into position behind the focused male so he can perform anal penetration at the same time.
If you’re looking to try a threesome but avoid too much intimacy, this one might be a bit too personal. It can be an intimate position with complete body contact and multiple penetrations. But it can also be enjoyable for the focused male, who gets to both give and receive.
Man in the Middle Threesome Position
The man in the middle position might be ideal for a man who likes being penetrated and giving oral.
The focused man places himself on his hands and knees. The solo female lies before him so he can perform oral sex on her. The other male performs anal penetration on the focused male from behind. This could be considered a modified doggy train as it is very similar but with two males and one female.
Final Thoughts
Motivations for wanting threesome sex are as varied as the possible positions. You could have an adventurous spirit and enjoy experimenting in the bedroom. You could be a bit bored with your current sex life and want to try a threesome to jazz things up a bit. You could even be on the fence about the threesome but have a partner who wants to try it out, and you’re game to give it a go.
Some of the best positions for specific mixes of participants are in this article, but these are only the tip of a very kinky iceberg. If you’ve already gone so far as to plan a threesome, why limit yourself to just these positions? Ask the participants what they have tried before or always wanted to try. Do a few more internet searches. Modify positions you’ve already tried with a single partner to include another.
What are the limitations of threesome positions? Your imagination, the physical capabilities of all participants, and the ability to try fail and try again. If one position doesn’t work, try another one. You’ll find ones that work for your group with time and patience.
A good sense of humor wouldn’t hurt, either. It looks and feels awkward to try a new position at times. Finding humor in awkward moments will only heighten the pleasure of all participants and alleviate nervousness.
If you worry about the stigma associated with group sex, including threesomes, consider these thoughts.
First, what you do in your bedroom is your business alone. You don’t have to share this activity outside of the people you include in any threesomes.
Second, times are changing. Open-mindedness about non-monogamous sexual activity is improving. Women are still held to a harsher standard than men, but it is improving over time.
Finally, by keeping a healthy sense of humor and a willingness to adapt, you will realize your fantasies of fun and kinky threesome sex are more than attainable. They are satisfying, safe, and fun.
Three can be company, after all.
