Your Guide to Building Trust in Your Dating Life

Couple dating and flirting while taking a conversation and looking each other in a restaurant

Key Points

  • Dating means something different to everyone and encompasses various intentions, practices, and goals.

  • Trust is the belief that someone does right by you, sticks to their word, and meets your expectations. Trust looks unique for everyone and is hard to measure as it is a non-concrete feeling.

  • Every successful human relationship requires trust, especially dating, even if you are not committed to one another. 

  • Build trust authentically through practices of honesty, communication, security, and consistency.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship and is vital in romantic relationships. However, If trust is so important, why can everyone recall an instance when their trust has been broken? Trust is fragile and often misunderstood. Learn how to build and maintain trust in all of your relationships and prioritize it in your dating life.

To build trust in your new relationship, make an effort to always be honest, allow yourself to show vulnerability, and remain consistent in your actions. Different aspects of trust become more relevant as a relationship grows, but you should be honest and consistent even when you first start dating somebody new.

What Is Dating?

What do you assume of a relationship when someone says they’re dating another person? Are they boyfriend and girlfriend? Have they just started seeing each other? Do they casually go on dates, or are they committed to one another?

Dating is when individuals engage in romantic activities together and build an intimate relationship. This relationship may be gay or straight, monogamous or polyamorous, sexual or nonsexual, casual or serious. Dating is a somewhat grey area but typically a stepping stone toward a relationship.

Dating means something different to everyone. Your definition is influenced by your generation, family, society, and personal experiences. People often use the term “dating” in an open-ended way to decipher that they have an intimate or romantic relationship with someone.

Usually, dating refers to the period of a relationship where two people enjoy each other’s company but haven’t decided about their future quite yet. Enjoy the ambiguous time of this relationship without expectations of commitment, but don’t be scared to ask your boo what dating means to them.

The 3 Types of Dating

There are endless definitions of what dating means. Regardless of your interpretation, there are three main categories of dating practices.

Dating for Fun

If your main purpose in dating is to seek enjoyment or fun, you fall into this category. You spend time with someone for pure enjoyment with no strings attached and no commitment on the horizon. It is easier to let loose and have fun with someone when you aren’t trying to scope out a long-term partner.

You may have a regular boo that you enjoy dinner dates and sexy time with or perhaps you're a serial swiper on Tinder and spreading your time thin over several people. Having a goal to date for fun translates into various types of relationships.

Happy man and woman together

These relationships typically remain casual without feelings because there are no expectations of one another beyond having fun. Communicate to be on the same page about your dating intentions to reach full enjoyment and avoid hurt feelings.

Dating To See

You fall into this category if you are dating to see how you and your date hit it off, analyze your compatibility, then make a decision whether or not to move forward. These situations often start off fun and casual while steadily diving into a deeper connection.

These relationships typically move slowly and steadily — beginning with a few casual dates and eventually sharing your life goals, family plans, spiritual beliefs, and family background. Everyone moves at a different pace in this style of dating, so it is up to you and your boo to decide what terms you are on. 

Try these questions for a new relationship to see if you are on the same page, and get to know one another better.

These dates could evolve into a relationship, become a friend-with-benefits situation, or fizzle out after the third meet-up. Dating to see leaves an open end to the relationship and allows you to see what type of agreement best suits your connection with someone.

Dating To Decide

Dating to decide is dating to determine whether or not you want to make the ultimate commitment to someone. This category includes anyone that is in search of their lifelong partner, husband, or wife and is only dating to find them. An exclusive relationship is usually involved to test the waters of commitment to one another.

Couple cuddling on couch

This style of dating requires a lot of intention and communication. Some people reveal before the first date that they are dating to marry, which prevents wasted time with people uninterested in such a large commitment. These relationships move quickly, involving straightforward intentions and analysis. 

Individuals that are dating to decide know exactly what they want from a relationship and are ready to find the person they are dreaming of. They are ready to put themselves out there and settle down with a partner.

Labeling a Relationship

Everyone decides when and if they want to place a label on their relationship with someone. A label is usually added to a relationship after you have taken time to decide how you feel about one another and move forward with a commitment.

When you feel like the time is right to define what the relationship is, ask your partner if they would like to have this conversation. Adding a label complicates things if you’re not on the same page, so don’t force something that isn’t right. Mutually deciding to label your relationship feels secure and liberating as it signifies that your relationship is moving forward — be proud of the new definition with your boo.

A relationship label may be partners, boyfriend and girlfriend, significant other, or anything else that feels right for you and your boo. Expectations come along with a relationship label, so communicate with your partner about what you each expect as you move forward.

Five Stages of Dating

There are five basic stages to measure the progression of a romantic relationship, yet each relationship takes its own unique timeline.

Attraction

Attraction is the first stage of a relationship where you notice a cutie at the gym, start flirting with your barista or begin chatting on a dating app. This stage is full of flirting, fun, and sweet puppy love. Referred to as the honeymoon phase, this exciting part of a relationship lasts the first few weeks — maybe longer if you’re extra lucky. Enjoy the fun and adventurous aspects of this stage and remain your authentic self to have a proper basis for the blossoming relationship.

Reality

The rush of your new relationship wears off as you transition into reality. Aspects of this person which you brushed off or were blind to before begin to get on your nerves. You are no longer colorblind to their red flags. You are likely a bit attached to the person at this point but need to decide how compatible you truly are to go beyond the attraction phase or see if the sun has set on your fling. This stage typically lasts around six months.

Commitment

After reality has set in and you see each other with a clearer vision, you begin to build a deeper connection and continue toward a commitment. The commitment stage comes when you have noticed each other’s flaws and chosen to accept each other as you are. More vulnerability is shown, and you can begin to trust each other with more serious matters. You start to envision a future together, feel secure in the relationship, and accept each other as your authentic selves.

Intimacy

Couples let their guard down and get cozy in their commitment as they advance to the intimacy stage. Your connection is deeply rooted in the past year of growing closer physically, mentally, and emotionally. As intimacy increases, you learn the deepest parts of your partner and build a strong foundation of trust.

Man and women laying in bed

Engagement

The final stage of dating transitions into a lifetime commitment — engagement. Your worlds twirl together harmoniously, and you make the mutual decision to spend your lives together. Don’t live in the illusion that a final commitment makes a relationship smooth sailing though, it still requires lots of work from both people to fulfill one another and maintain the relationship. Appreciate your partner’s full commitment to you and be proud of the life you share.

What Is Trust?

Trust is the belief that someone acts in your best interest, whether you're physically present or not. It is difficult to put your finger on the feeling of trust but it usually comes as security and confidence that someone does right by you. Everyone has unique expectations in a relationship, so communicate with your partner about what you each want.

Trust is a vital part of all relationships, especially romantic relationships. It is based on honesty and consistency in how someone acts and how they treat you. Your own experiences also contribute largely to how much you are able to trust others.

According to Dr. Paul Thagard, a philosopher and cognitive scientist, “Behaviors and verbal expressions are certainly evidence for trust — for example, when someone treats you well and says nice things to you — but these behaviors are merely evidence for the internal mental state of trust that causes them, not the trust itself. Trusting people may involve estimations of probabilities of how they will behave, but people usually trust others without any understanding of probability or any precise predictions about their behaviors.”

There is no measure for trust as it is an abstract feeling rather than something concrete to see. Trust is not usually absolute but rather depends on certain situations. Just because you trust your partner to buy the right groceries, safely drive your car, or paint the living room doesn’t mean you trust them to remain loyal to you. Circumstances in which you do trust someone are built from their consistency to fulfill your expectations. 

Pillars of Trust

Trust is built with the foundation of honesty, faithfulness, security, and communication. Focus on each of the pillars to understand how they affect the unique trust of your relationship. Even though trust is immeasurable, use this knowledge to appreciate the trust you already have and to work on instilling it even further. 

Honesty

Honesty is arguably the most important aspect of any relationship. Although you do not need to divulge every last detail, you should always communicate with your partner truthfully. Do not distort the truth, keep secrets, or try to manipulate their perception of a situation.

Dishonesty is guaranteed to foster distrust in a relationship, which is difficult to fix. Catching someone in a lie or uncovering a secret leaves a scar on the relationship and even the individual’s ability to trust other people. 

Always tell your partner the truth and expect the same in return as you build trust in your relationship. Be an open book about who you are and offer them a safe space to do the same. Honesty is not just telling the truth when asked, but being transparent about good, bad, and ugly parts of yourself with your partner.

Faithfulness

Faithfulness to your partner is a basic pillar of trust. This includes faithfulness in your sex life, honoring your partner's dreams, being present when your partner needs you, upholding a good name for them, and any other promises you make in the relationship.

Woman looks at man's phone

Staying diligent on the journey of your relationship is a key element to faithfulness. Remain faithful to the vows and promises you have made to one another and the commitment to be together. Be faithful to your partner especially in their times of need whether they are ill, going through a hard time at work, struggling with mental health, or dealing with a sick parent.

Keep your partner's secrets safe, never talk down on them or dampen their reputation, and follow through on your word regarding their wants and needs. Even small glimmers of faithfulness throughout your relationship add up hugely in terms of the built trust.

Security

Everyone craves emotional safety in a relationship for fulfillment and trust. This pillar of trust depends largely on everyone’s sense of self-esteem. Security is an abstract feeling like trust itself, so it is difficult to measure, but crucial to implement through your words and actions.

Security within a relationship refers to feeling secure that your partner won't spontaneously leave you, feeling safe to share your emotions, and knowing that you are loved in your relationship. An insecure individual often feels insecure in a relationship and needs regular reassurance of how their partner feels about them.

If you struggle with insecurities and have a hard time building trust in a relationship, consider speaking to a therapist. Having your own struggle with insecurity makes it difficult to foster a healthy relationship.

To offer security to your partner, maintain a safe space for them to share vulnerable feelings. Provide compassion and understanding for their insecurities or deepest thoughts. They want to feel safe to open up to you and know that you understand them for who they are. 

In order to build trust, you must provide emotional security and reassurance of how you feel about one another. This must be a constant thing.

Communication

Although actions speak louder than words, communicating your intentions, plans, thoughts, and feelings is vital in a relationship. Proper communication requires being open about how you feel, matching your words with your actions, and simple things like letting your significant other know you’ll be late for dinner.

Couple communicating

Lack of communication is a notorious thief of trust in relationships and remains a leading cause of failed marriages. Without communication, partners often feel confused or distrustful of the relationship. Be clear with your partner about what you expect and hold up your end of the bargain. Consistency and honesty in your communication builds trust over time.

Building Trust in a New Relationship

Trust is time-consuming to build but quick to degenerate. Trust is constantly evolving in a relationship and requires constant work from both parties to ensure its positive progression. Navigate your relationship mindfully to continue the growth of your trust and protect the reserve you already have.

Be Vulnerable

Opening up to your new boo about personal matters gives them a chance to understand you and see your vulnerable side. Be willing to open up to your partner according to the timeline of your relationship.

Gradually lower your defenses to your partner as your relationship progresses. Being together for a longer time and supporting each other through turmoil in your personal life deepens your connection and provides opportunities to be vulnerable with each other.

Stay True to Your Word

Always say what you mean and mean what you say to your partner. Whether you’re agreeing on what time to meet for dinner, calling them after work, or visiting their mother over the weekend, make sure to follow through on what you have planned.

Even if you make plans to bake cookies with your partner after work but decide you are too tired, it is important not to make a habit of canceling on them last minute. Things come up and everyone is entitled to cancel plans, but make sure you communicate changes and show some remorse. Minor white lies or canceled plans add up over time, so avoid making promises you can’t follow through on.

Give Them the Benefit of Doubt

You must be willing to give someone the chance to prove themselves to start building trust in a relationship. If your partner has let you down before it is difficult to believe them and even harder to believe their word moving forward. To rebuild this trust, you must take a risk by giving them the benefit of the doubt once again and stop checking up on everything they tell you.

Allowing your partner to make promises without doubting their follow-through allows them to show you they’ll do what they say. Take a chance on your newfound love by believing what they say unless they give you a reason to think otherwise.

Couple holding hands

Express Your Feelings

Expressing your feelings is important in a relationship. Communicate your feelings to your partner in small doses at the beginning to ensure they give you the space to be heard and provide the support you want. Be specific with what you need from your partner in these moments, whether that be advice, assistance, or just a sympathetic ear.

It’s common to have difficulty sharing emotions, especially with someone new. Take a risk by starting to communicate feelings in your relationship. Consider analyzing if you are emotionally available if this is an ongoing struggle for you.

Provide a safe space for your partner to express their feelings in return. Ask what they need when they are feeling emotional and do your best to cater to their needs. They may be different than your own so be sure to listen to what they want from you rather than guessing.

Over time you start sharing deeper emotions. This is the foundation of your intimacy and allows you to really trust each other.

Give and Receive

You must be willing to equally give and receive in a relationship. As you grow closer and life takes its course, there are times of imbalance when one person needs to lean on the other more. You must be willing to take on both roles and never keep track of who does more in a relationship.

Leaving more space for yourself to give prepares you for times of imbalance when your partner needs a little extra love, so you don’t feel neglected. Likewise, be willing to receive the support they offer you throughout the relationship. Denying your partner of comfort and love makes them feel rejected and teaches them to not treat you right.

Trust the Process

Trusting your partner and feeling secure in your relationship is an absolutely magical feeling. Regardless of what dating means to you and what type of dating you partake in, remain consistent in your word and be honest with your partner to build the level of trust necessary for your dynamic.

Effective communication requires time and work but is well worth the effort. Trust the process that comes along with building the foundation of your relationship and enjoy the journey.

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