Sex Is Sex- Isn’t it?

Merriam Webster defines intercourse as “the sexual, physical contact between people or groups of people in which at minimum one person’s genitalia is involved.” It further explains this exchange or communion of communicating feelings to one another. However, today’s sex-phobic translation is penis-in-vagina (PIV; yeah, that’s hot, right? No.), altogether omitting the best of sex; foreplay! Most women can’t truly prep for sex without it. Sex is communication, of sorts, in which all parties involved deserve an orgasm! And, with that, does this exclude the components to having good sex? What about, oral sex, anal sex, sex toys and digital intercourse, outercourse, aren’t they all forms of sex? Who’s to say that all or none of these aren’t sex? Truly, sex is so personal! That’s why real sex is so hard to define. What real sex means to one person can be completely the opposite to another.

Real Sex Is Real Sex to Everyone

A real face-to-face encounter can be the most apparent setting of real sex, but is cybersex real sex? There are certainly the emotional, social aspects of cyber-sex. Also, there are real dangers, too. The danger of cybersex is the revenge photo leaks that make it so damning. So, if you’re considering sending nudes and almost nudes, please reconsider.

As for most sexually active people, there are so many preferences and different sexualities that it’s hard to keep track of everything. A physical encounter with two lesbians is going to, obviously, not have penis-in-vagina sex. However, using a trusty sex toy, they very well could simulate a heterosexual sex act. Especially when you add into the mix the transgender and the non-binary individuals, the “real” sex definition is altered a bit. It can’t be just PIV. There’s much more than the definition of sex that gets left out for straight women and men.

What Real Sex Consists of For Real People

Whether you identify as straight, bisexual, pansexual, or even abstinent with an occasional romp in the outercourse field, sex should feel about the same. For one, sex should always feel good, and you should have a partner to which you can express discomfort to find what’s best for both of you. With good sex and an orgasm for all parties involved, we release our dopamine and oxytocin, leading to pair bonding. The more frequent good sex is within the pair, the stronger the bond. It’s so scientific and beautiful. Oxytocin is also the love hormone that makes birthing children and caring for them possible. It’s the official hormone of love. Dopamine is the happy hormone that helps with your mood and wellbeing. So, it’s an orgasmic match made in heaven!

Communication, Mutual Respect, and Consent for Real Good Sex

Also, there’s a factor of communication that you should be comfortable enough with your partner(s) to have the room to say no. The fact of the matter is that two people aren’t always going to want sex simultaneously. It’s physically impossible. So, in turn, you should always extend the same respect. There are many factors, like your physical condition, especially with having any chronic illnesses. There are times when you’re too stressed to even think about sexual intercourse, too. Then, there are the days you’ve had in which you fantasize about sleep rather than foreplay. And that’s ok! You should never be subject to coercion, emotional or physical abuse, or sexual assault in any relationship. No matter who you are, man or woman, it happens to most people, and in the chance of violence, call the police and get out of there. When the relationship is deep in sexual abuse or abuse, know that you don’t deserve the abuse, and it’ll only worsen, so make a plan and get somewhere safe. The police in the US know the symbol of abuse (open hand made into a four, then the rest of the fingers close over the thumb from the four, as if counting) and will help you. Sex and love shouldn’t hurt!

Intercourse, Outercourse In Real Sex

Aside from the abuse that’s common today in America, consent with every person, every time is critical. Consensual sex is the best sex! Real sex is not painful sex, especially with vaginal and anal sex.

Vaginal Sex: What’s to Know

Let’s start with vaginal sex, then. So, we all know the old-fashioned PIV sex or heterosexual sexual intercourse. Each sexual experience should contain consent from both partners and start with some foreplay. A woman needs sexual arousal before any vaginal sex. That can be a sensual massage or even kissing. You can kiss her in all her known erogenous zones, like her back, neck, inner thighs, and tummy. Then, still, give the attention a woman needs and deserves with oral sex. Please use a dental dam to practice safe sex if this is a first-time partner. If a woman is allergic to latex, you can improvise with a thin nitrile glove. Just cut out a piece of the glove into a small square and place it over her labia. Some women may not need much foreplay, especially in a budding relationship, or, if she feels vulnerable and self-conscious, she may need more. Sexual desire comes on slowly at times and instantly at others. It is why consent is so important.

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Anal Sex: Is it Real Sex?

Anal sex can be a touchy thing to approach, so tread carefully. To those who already enjoy anal sex or anal play, please be cautious about the cleanliness of the romp. A related article states that a woman will not get off on anal sex alone. According to the report, the woman needs clitoral stimulation to enjoy not only anal sex but vaginal sex, too. However, we’re going to debunk this myth altogether. The anus is a total erogenous zone all by itself. It’s jam-packed with nerves, so if you don’t use plenty of lube and let her guide the penis in, it can totally backfire! There are so many ways to bring the woman’s anus into things like foreplay, outercourse, and sexual intercourse. Always get a resounding “hell yes!” Don’t just do it. Some women will oblige for the man’s happiness, and obliging is not consent. Besides, a woman may want to prep herself beforehand with anal douching or a good old-fashioned pep-talk. Be sure to use plenty of water-based lube and don’t switch from ana sex to vaginal sex, that’s just asking for an infection. Vaginal sex to anal sex is okay but once the penis is inside her anus, that’s it. Even if you’ve seen it in porn, it’s unhygienic. Speaking of porn, let’s talk about that for a bit.

What Real Sex Isn’t

Here in the digital age in which everyone is exposed to the internet at a very young age, porn has somehow become sexual education to the millennials. It’s teaching the worst ways to treat a woman, how to spread disease, and the most uncomfortable positions in which to perform a sex act.

We already touched on sexual assault, and physical and emotional abuse, but there are many things that will leave a young person with the impression that certain behaviors are acceptable when it comes to sexual satisfaction. A whole lot of porn videos make it seem like the woman doesn’t matter much, if at all. If you want to have a good sexual experience, you’ll want to ensure that everyone is enjoying it. Again, complying isn’t consent.

Fake Sex Is Not Real Sex

Another porn thing the women do is fake moaning, or they have ZERO reaction or look like it hurts. First of all, if a porn star looks like it hurts, it does. In fact, women in porn are way more likely to endure painful sex to get paid, but you don’t have to!

Then, when the reaction is lacking, the reaction is too much! While it’s fine for the purposes of acting and emphasizing that she’s having a good time, it’s not real. If you naturally make noise while having sex, that’s just fine! Everyone’s different and different things make for different reactions. However, there’s a distinct difference between natural moaning, which isn’t the same as the groaning and screaming heard in most porn videos. The loud screams in real sex should be a warning that something is wrong; it’s not attractive either. In fact, the natural noises that a woman may make while climaxing or having an orgasm are totally different from the constant climax and the overdone screams and moans in porn videos. Please don’t be fooled into thinking it’s even a real thing. If you’re a young person and sexually inexperienced, don’t try to learn what to do from porn! If anything, take notes on what not to do. No, but seriously, go to a trustworthy friend or family member with all burning sex-ed questions.

Bad Decisions Porn Makes for Poor, Real Sex Experiences

Spreading misleading information with porn, especially if you’re looking at it for anything except for entertainment, be informed that there’s no educational value in watching porn

STI/STDs and Unwanted Pregnancies

A very minuscule amount of the videos are teaching good sex habits. It’s incredibly rare that a porn star is wearing a condom and pulling out isn’t going to protect you from an unwanted pregnancy! And we know you know that an unwanted pregnancy is just as bad, if not worse, than an unwanted sexually transmitted infection or disease. An STI differs from an STD in that usually an infection can be treated once, but a disease is treated for the rest of your life and will follow you through every relationship you’ll ever have. You’ll need to be upfront and honest about your disease with every partner which leaves you vulnerable to sharing your private health information and without knowing who’s going to respect your privacy. There are real consequences to having irresponsible sex. It can happen to you, too; you’re not invincible. Unexpected pregnancies, STIs, and STDs happen to the best of us!

Real Life Conundrums That Make Real Sex Richer

Less atrocious, misleading bits of information gathered from porn are the seamless, acrobatic ways the porn star is making it look so graceful and desirable. However, this is nowhere near what happens in real life. Any sexually experienced person will tell you the most hilarious ways that their “real sex” has been interrupted with getting tangled in blankets, falling over, knocking stuff over, and the list goes on and on. Basically, people are people and don’t have outtakes or a camera crew to explain why they need them to stand on their heads to get the shot. Most of the time, there’s a medical team ready and trained for to chance of physical injuries and a director that calls the weird yet intriguing moves. There are disclaimers on some porn videos explaining that these are professionals and you shouldn’t attempt that at home. Especially, the stunts aren’t for the sexually inexperienced!

Real Sex Is Really Intimate & Good- Real Good!

One important aspect of sexual intercourse porn doesn’t depict real pleasure and feelings of real sexual desire and intimacy. In real sex, there is a real sense of undeniable vulnerability of the first time you act on a sexual attraction and let loose with all your inhibitions to give all of yourself to the other person. Even if you’re already sexually active with that person, the intimacy grows, and you get the deepest knowledge of that person. That only leads to a richer and deeper understanding of that person. This will facilitate the guaranteed “good sex” we all need and the most sexual pleasure at your disposal. What porn sites seem to allude to is as many women per man possible and the younger the better. The best part of real sex that porn just doesn’t have is the intimacy and real sex-induced pleasure that no porn star could ever fake.

Real Myths Found in Porn Scenes

To begin, your stepbrother doesn’t want to have a threesome with you and your best gal pal, and that’s a promise. Your stepsister doesn’t want a cream pie (no, we’re not talking about Little Debbies) from you, but she probably does want you to give up the shotgun seat or the X-Box once in a while. You’ll not be propositioned by the parents of the kids you babysit for sex in place of payment. If that does ever happen, you should call the police and get a restraining order while the investigation gets underway (especially if you’re underage). These are all fantasy scenarios, and all of the actors’ ages are verified over the age of 18.

The lesbians are almost never undercover lesbians who married your father and got statutory rape charges for scissoring her stepdaughter. In fact, lesbians don’t typically scissor. It’s a general belief that there’s no benefit unless you have an audience. Lesbians aren’t undercover pedophiles, they don’t typically scissor each other, and they don’t favor the long shellac fake nails. Furthermore, the whole porn industry does a fine job undermining genuine homosexual relationships. It is done by the aforementioned “lesbians” that just HAVE to have the plumber or UPS delivery driver that, somehow, will change their whole sexual identity from one good dicking. It’s so silly to even think that all lesbians are femme and none are masculine in the least. Even with gay men, they’re all stereotypical. They proposition anyone and they’re at least skinny if not ripped. There are no real portrayals of the real men and women in the gay communities in the US, and the portrayals are so inaccurate that it’s a shame. So, if you think you can learn from porn, you’re going to be sorely disappointed when you don’t see those porn scenarios while out looking for a hookup or relationship.

Men and What They Bring to the Conversation

Many men understand, to an extent, that what they see in porn is so far from real life and real sex. In fact, many men are limited by the sperm count they produce when it comes time to make a baby. Some men will say they only look at Playboy for the jokes. Don’t believe them. Men do love looking at naked, beautifully airbrushed women. It’s only a matter of time for some men before the addiction sets in to ruin their relationships and limit their otherworldly pleasures and the ability to concentrate on anything else. There are about 21 million men who think they might have a problem or are sure they’re addicted to porn.

So, with porn addiction rampant in the world, there’s another problem with the men we hate to love. Erectile dysfunction affects about 50% of men over the age of 40. There are many reasons why a man can have a problem with getting an erection or have a low libido. Some of these things may include obesity, high blood pressure, age, or testosterone levels. In fact, there are women that have the same sexual dysfunction as it pertains to the ability to produce adequate wetness coupled with hormone imbalances. Testosterone is a hormone that men produce more of as a biological male, biological women produce estrogen. These are vital hormones for everything for each gender, especially sex. If you’re not producing the hormone efficiently anymore, you’ll lose not only interest in sex but the ability to have sex. So, sexual dysfunction doesn’t just affect men, it’s just talked about more.

That’s a Wrap (Yes, Please, Wrap it Up)

The bottom line of the real sex talk here is that it’s going to be a process to learn. If you have some great supportive people who are sexually experienced to whom to can discuss the general questions, that’ll be a more effective way of learning. If you have already had a sexual experience or many, this can really open up your mind to see what unrealistic expectations porn has given you. Porn is a male-dominated industry that’s primarily for men and the depictions are NOT REAL. Porn is not a tool for sex education and should never be used as such. The vital aspect of the words you’ve just read is that sex is made not only to reproduce but to give you and your partner a beautiful intimacy that’s beyond words. If you’re the victim of sexual abuse or abuse of any kind, call the police for help or get out safely and go to a domestic violence shelter. They’ll have an insurmountable number of resources for you and your kids, if you have any.

Remember: Real sex is consensual sex, and real sex is safe sex.