The term “side chick” became popular through hip-hop culture in the early 2000s. A side chick is a somewhat misogynistic term for a woman that a man dates on the side. She’s not his “main chick” but rather an accessory or something he has on the side, like a side of French fries or potato chips. A side chick isn’t something any woman wants to be. But unfortunately, you might be one without your knowledge. What exactly does it mean to be a side chick, and how can you tell if you are one? Keep reading to find out.
What Is a Side Chick and Are You One?
Plainly speaking, a side chick is a woman a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend with. The term “side chick” is another way to describe a mistress or “the other woman.” No one wants to be a side chick, at least not unknowingly. Relationships are complicated. Both men and women cheat on their spouses for different reasons. But in almost every scenario of infidelity, the cheater feels something is lacking in their relationship. Maybe their needs are not being met emotionally or sexually. Perhaps they’re upset with their partner and looking to hurt them. Or maybe they’re just bored with their relationship and looking for some fun. In any case, cheating is never okay.
Infidelity hurts everyone involved, not just the person being cheated on. Often “the other woman” is unaware she is the other woman. Finding out her so-called “boyfriend” has a significant other can feel like she’s been cheated on too. But how can you tell if you’re a side chick? Well, if you think you might be a side chick, you’re probably right. It usually is when something feels off, or we have a “gut feeling” that something’s wrong. “Gut feelings” are almost always right; it’s one of our best natural defense mechanisms. So, if you feel that something about your relationship is wrong, it could be because you’re a side chick. Below are seven signs you might be a side chick and why you should reconsider your “relationship.”
1. Your Relationship Is Mostly Physical
A man sleeping around on his girlfriend or wife is not looking for an intense romantic connection. He’s looking for a distraction, better sex, or an ego boost. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings if you’re a side chick. He doesn’t want to get involved with you any more than he needs to have sex with you. He’ll avoid intimacy at all costs, meaning no cuddling or pillow talk. If you notice that your relationship with your guy is mostly physical, it could be because you’re the side chick. If he avoids staying over after sex, is overly physical with you (meaning he prefers making out or sex to conversations), or rarely suggests more than “Netflix and chill,” you’re probably the side chick. A man who wanted a real relationship with you would want more than sex. He’d be interested in spending time with you regardless of what you’re doing together. He’d want to get to know you deeper than purely physical. If a man is only interested in sex with you, then he’s not interested in you whether or not you are his side chick.
2. You Don’t See Him Often
A man juggling a significant other and a side chick only has so much time during his day. If you’re dating a guy but only see him occasionally, you could be his side chick. When a man is seriously interested in someone, he’ll make time to see them no matter how busy he is. If he continually spews out excuses for your infrequent dates, such as work and other obligations, he’s lying. Yes, people have busy schedules, and sometimes things come up that we can’t get out of. But if canceled plans or infrequent dates are a continuous pattern, you’re probably the side chick. Think about it. A man who is trying to keep his side chick a secret from his girlfriend or wife can’t disappear at random. He can’t come off as suspicious to keep up the facade that he is a loyal man. He needs to make sure he fulfills his boyfriend or husband duties before he runs off with his side chick. The side chick will always come second to his wife or girlfriend. If your guy is challenging to schedule dates with, it’s not because he’s playing hard to get or is super essential at work. He’s juggling his kids’ birthday parties, anniversary dates, and family life obligations. His wife and family will always come first, which means you’ll always be last.
3. He’s Difficult To Get a Hold Of
Does your guy disappear randomly after you’ve seen him or been talking to him? Maybe you go through a period of talking to him every day, then suddenly he ignores your messages for a week. Or maybe he only responds to you late at night or during certain times of the day. He claims it’s because of work or social obligations, or maybe he’s not that good at checking his phone. It’s a lie. We know that everyone has their cell phone at every point in the day. If he is not responding to your call or text, he doesn’t want to. He’s likely with his main chick, which is why he will not respond. He doesn’t want to make her suspicious. And, of course, there is always the possibility he is dating multiple women at the same time. He may have his main girlfriend and one, two, or even three other side chicks. The possibility of this is even greater if you met him on a dating site. Eye-opening statistics show that at least 42% of people on dating apps are married or in a monogamous relationship. However, even if he is a single man, infrequent communication is a sign he’s not serious about you. You will always be a side chick to him, don’t expect anything more from men like this.
4. He Doesn’t Go Out of His Way To Please You
When a man is in love with a woman, he will go above and beyond to please her. It’s partly to do with his natural hero instinct. The hero instinct is a man’s primal instinct to want to serve and protect the ones he loves. And if he wants to keep you by his side, going out of his way to make you happy ensures you don’t run off with someone else. If a man doesn’t have feelings for you, the hero instinct won’t be there. When you’re the side chick, a romantic gesture such as bringing you flowers, offering to help you with a task, or sending you cute texts throughout the day will be few and far between. That’s if he even bothers at all.
A man will never behave this way with his side chick because he does not truly care for her. He reserves his feelings and romantic side for his main girlfriend or wife. To him, a side chick is, well, disposable. He’s not interested in pleasing his side chick because he doesn’t care much about whether she stays or goes. He may fight somewhat to keep you around when you call him out on his behavior. But that’s because he doesn’t want to mess up the good thing he’s got going for him. He gets free sex from both you and his wife. Plus, he wouldn’t want to give you the wrong impression. If he starts treating his side chick like his main chick, there’s a greater chance you’ll catch feelings. And a messy situationship is not something he wants to deal with.
5. Your Relationship Lacks Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is an important part of every healthy relationship. The standard progression of any romantic relationship should always include a deeper emotional bond. Every relationship is different, and some people prefer to take things slow. But if you have been dating for any period, there should be natural progression in your feelings. You may be a side chick if there’s not. Do you notice how he changes the subject every time you bring your relationship up? Have you tried to get him to open up to you about his feelings, only to fail every time? Does sex with him feel cold, as if there is no emotion behind it at all for him? These are not normal signs of a healthy relationship progression. A man in love with or wants a committed relationship with a woman will crave physical and emotional intimacy. Everyone wants that person they can rely on to make them feel special. We all want someone to be cute and cuddly with. We all need and want someone to share ourselves with emotionally. You may be a side chick if your guy shows no interest in any of these things. No man will behave this way with his side chick because emotional intimacy is not what he wants from her.
6. You Haven’t Met His Friends
Being in a relationship with someone means you are involved in every part of their life. If a guy is serious about you, he will want you to be. That means that at some point, he’ll want to introduce you to his friends and family. Unless you’re the side chick, he’ll want to show you off to everyone he knows. So, if you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time and have not met any of his friends, you could be a side chick. A man practicing infidelity will not want to introduce his side chick to close people in his life for obvious reasons. He doesn’t want to risk his wife or girlfriend finding out about you. Something is up if he acts strange whenever you discuss meeting his friends, co-workers, or family. He’ll likely have every excuse in the book for why now is not a good time. He may even become angry with you for bugging him about it. These are all clear signs that something is amiss. When a man doesn’t want to make you part of his life but is fine with using your body, you’re his side chick.
7. He Won’t Let You Near His Social Media
Social media is a central part of most people’s lives. Almost everyone has at least one social media account, whether it be Instagram, Tik-Tok, Facebook, or LinkedIn. We use social media to share our lives and connect with others. It’s normal to follow the person you’re dating on social media. It’s another way to be a part of their life and communicates with them. Most people have no problem sharing their social media profiles with someone they’re dating. Unless, of course, they’re hiding something. If you find it odd that you’ve been dating someone for a while now but have yet to gain access to their social media, you might be the side chick. What reason could make sense for why they won’t accept your follow request? The only reason that does make sense is that you’re the side chick. You’re the side chick, and they don’t want you finding out about it. Or worse, exposing them to their main chick. If you were to see their social media profiles, you’d catch a glimpse into their real life. You’ll find pictures of their friends, family, and of course, their girlfriend. Keeping you out of the loop keeps you in the dark about what they’re really up to when they cancel your plans for the 100th time. You’re a side chick if a man goes out of his way to keep you off his social media.
What To Do if You Are a Side Chick?
If you’ve experienced any of the above situations with the guy you’re dating, you’re likely a side chick. And if not, then you’re dating a jerk. Either way, you are not heading toward a healthy and fulfilling committed relationship. Dating in the modern day is tough. Social media and dating apps make finding romance much more difficult. We have an endless supply of dates at our fingertips. Our next new hookup is only one swipe away. That’s great for you when you’re the one doing the swiping.
But dating apps go both ways. It’s just as easy for the other person to replace you as it is for you to replace them. So, when you finally meet someone you think might be the real deal, it’s difficult to give up on them. You want it to work out so badly that you are willing to ignore red flags and mistreatment. But when you find out you’re a side chick, it’s not just your feelings involved anymore. You may try to make excuses for your guy’s behavior. You may have been told his wife or girlfriend to be a terrible human being. But at the end of the day, what he is doing is wrong. And if you’re aware of your side chick status, continuing the relationship is wrong of you.
Side Chicks Rarely Become Main Chicks
If you find out you’re a side chick, end the relationship. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you are special. Side chicks rarely become main chicks. True, men sometimes leave their wives or girlfriends for another woman, but that’s not usually the case. Most men who cheat on their significant other have no intention of ever leaving them. If they did, they would have already done it. You can continue your relationship with your guy, hoping he will eventually fall for you and leave his partner. But don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you will be setting yourself up for more heartbreak and disappointment. Plus, if he is cheating on his partner with you, what makes you think he will be faithful when you’re with him?
Never Settle for Being a Side Chick
Dating is tough, but you owe it to yourself to find someone interested in you and only you. You will never get the love and attention you deserve as a side chick. You deserve more than to be someone’s dirty little secret. Confront your guy about his bad behavior and let him know you won’t be his doormat any longer. Whether or not he does have a significant other, you deserve better treatment. You deserve more than “Netflix and chill” and a relationship that benefits his needs only. An honest, loving man will make you his world, not his side piece. Never settle for less than what you are worth, and never settle for being a side chick.