When you go out on a date and absolutely hit it off, you’re going to be over the moon. The feelings of attraction and happiness will make you feel positively aglow! You might even want to jump into a second date right away. But how many days between dates will give you the best results? Is there a best time between two dates, or does time between dates not really matter? The struggle is real, but we’ve done some research to help you sort out all the happy mental chaos that comes from a successful first date.
It’s commonly believed that there is an unspoken rule in the dating world regarding follow-up dates. But most of these apocryphal dating rules were made years ago, and like the times, they’ve changed as we’ve evolved. So, while there may have been a time way back in the olden days when there was a specific time between two dates, the times have changed. Some people still recommend archaic wait periods between dates, claiming that waiting for a week or two will make you seem mysterious and hard to get. That’s true, but in today’s world, most people will probably give up and wander off. In fact, moving too slow can send a signal that you’re not interested, which is going to make your time between two dates infinitely long after your new love interest moves on.
In today’s world, men and women can make their own rules depending on what works for them. Let’s say you went out on a date with a girl, and you had a fantastic time. What an incredible first date! You know from talking to her that you both want to have a second date. Instead of focusing on an arbitrary time between two dates, just make a pitch and invite her on a second date. There’s no hard-and-fast rule that you have to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before you go out again. Playing games can be a major turn-off and drive away romantic prospects.
While your date might have gone admirably well, and you are probably in a hurry to take your new romantic interest out again, it’s critical to be respectful of their schedule. While dating and romance are very important parts of our lives, we have to respect the fact that people do have obligations and commitments outside of their dating relationship. Work, school, hobbies, existing social plans, and possibly even kids have to be factored into the equation of time between dates.
You should also respect your prospective partner’s boundaries. If they say they can’t go out on Saturday night because they have plans, don’t be pushy about it and demand that they accommodate your schedule. For all you know, they have a family obligation, a religious commitment, or even just a night of self-care on the schedule. Respecting boundaries is critical to building trust and maintaining a healthy relationship.
Suppose you go out on a date earlier in the week, maybe a nice Tapas date on Tuesday night, and things go better than you expected. Don’t wait! It is okay to shoot your shot. If you got good vibes from the date, you should consider setting up another date. Remember, there’s no rule about how many days between dates have to elapse. The most critical factor isn’t an arbitrary amount of time: it’s how the two of you are interacting and getting along. Consider seeing if they are free for brunch on the weekend, or if they’d maybe like to meet up and do something fun like going to a movie.
If your initial date was on the weekend, you could consider seeing if your new interest wants to meet up in the evening during the week. You could offer to meet them for drinks or dinner at a local restaurant, or even see if they’d be interested in attending a local event together — many towns and cities have fun things happening in city parks like concerts, craft fairs, or other large social events.
The longer you wait between the first and second date, the more likely it is that the momentum and excitement of your first date will fade into oblivion. Momentum is key: if you’re both in the dating scene and looking for love, but your new date is playing games or taking forever to get together, you’re going to get bored and move along. You are both living in the fast world of today: most of us are probably not very patient people.
On the other hand, we are also living in unprecedented and wild times. It is entirely possible that you may hit it off and then both be swamped with work, family obligations, or other various time constraints. If these are legitimate barriers and not just flimsy excuses to get out of dates, keep at it. If the two of you can maintain a strong momentum with texting, FaceTime calls, and other communications, it’s okay to wait for a longer time between two dates. Just make sure you keep in touch and keep that interest alive.
Like we said before, dating’s all about your momentum and working your way into each other’s lives. Dating is a game of pace, and the big trick is finding a pace that works for you and your new partner. Here are some tips and tricks for finding a good pace between dates.
In prehistoric times, couples could only communicate through phone calls, letters, and maybe carrier pigeons. Back then, people said that you should wait three days to call your new date back. That world is gone. We live in a world of 24/7 connection! But that doesn’t mean you should be bombarding your new love with communications at all hours. Shoot a text to them within about 24 hours, and let them reply or set a pace with you. Don’t wait three days: in our modern world, that’s practically an eternity without a basic message.
We don’t necessarily want to seem desperate or pleading, but we also don’t want to seem distant or aloof. The ideal state is to be coy, playful, and engaging without being pushy or detached. You should communicate honestly, but don’t give away all your cards. You might want to keep them guessing by leaving their texts unanswered for a little bit, but ignoring them for two days is going to seem rude or indifferent. Keep it playful and fun and try to read your partner. Respond to their energy and keep them interested without giving it all away. The answer to the ancient “how many days between dates” question depends on you and your partner’s unique chemistry.
We live in a hectic and crazy world. Knowing that you’re both busy, it is okay to lock down your second date early on. If you and your new love are getting along and enjoying good banter, it is okay to ask to schedule a second date ahead of time. This is an especially valuable tactic for people who have crazy schedules or jobs with variable hours, like nurses or truck drivers. If you can sense schedule trouble coming, and you’re getting along well, it’s okay to get that second date on lockdown upfront!
Stay in Touch
You need to stay connected to each other to keep a living reminder of the sort of chemistry you’ve found with your new partner. However, it’s good to avoid getting overly friendly. You want to keep your conversations fun, friendly, and light. Short and sweet is a good general guideline. Keep the conversation alive, and keep some cards close to your vest, but don’t randomly go MIA.
You should never lie about yourself or your background if you want a dating relationship to get serious because eventually, the truth will come out. But that doesn’t mean you should bring a binder to your date that has all your juicy personal details. And if your new date is asking a lot of deeply personal questions or probing a little too far into your life, it’s okay to set boundaries! If they want that second date, they need to be respectful.
When it comes to the age-old question of how many days between dates is best, there is not a concrete, specific answer. The amount of time between dates should ultimately depend on the chemistry between you and your new romantic interest. If you’ve hit it off and you want to get back together in two days, go for it. If you like each other, but the vibe is to wait for next weekend, play it cool and wait for the weekend. There is no prescriptive, specific amount of time between two dates that will always work perfectly. The best advice is to ride the vibes and see where it goes. Don’t be aloof, but don’t be pushy. Work together with your new partner to establish the best place for both of you, and you’ll be laying the groundwork for a successful relationship before you know it.