Listen up boys, if you have to ask your partner if she finished, she didn’t. We’re just spitting facts. Women have a much more difficult time orgasming than men, for a lot of reasons. Our bodies don’t respond as quickly to physical stimulation as men do. To make her cum, you need to learn some tips about both the female anatomy and her mental game. Being with a partner who doesn’t ever, or rarely orgasms, during sex can feel awful. You might feel like you’re bad at sex or can’t please your partner the way she wants. You are certainly bad at sex if you ignore her needs in the bedroom. The first step is to make the effort to do things she finds satisfying. But if you are most attentive in bed, then you’re likely not the problem. Read on to learn more about why women have more difficulty reaching climax and how you can make her cum, again, and again.
Is It Hard To Make Her Cum? Why Women Have Difficulty Reaching Climax
According to studies, only 65% of heterosexual women have an orgasm all or most of the time during sex. That’s in stark contrast to 95% of heterosexual men. The orgasm gap is an unsettling issue in men and women’s relationships. So, why is it that women are having fewer orgasms than men? There can be any number of reasons why a heterosexual woman fails to achieve climax during sex. Much of the reason could be attributed to the lack of knowledge of women’s bodies. Porn and popular media show women having wild orgasms on-screen in sex positions that likely do nothing for women. Women rarely climax from penetration alone. Clitoral stimulation is necessary for most women to orgasm, yet this erogenous zone often gets ignored in heterosexual sex.
But there can be other reasons why you can’t make her cum during sex that have nothing to do with your knowledge of the clitoris. For many women, achieving orgasm doesn’t happen from physical stimulation alone. Her head needs to be in the game for her to reach that blissful, euphoric moment. If she’s stressed out, depressed, or preoccupied, it can be difficult to make her cum. Other factors that can affect a woman’s ability to orgasm could be past trauma, body confidence issues, medication, tiredness, or miscommunication. Learning how to make her cum involves first learning the reason for why she is having difficulty climaxing.
How To Give Her an Orgasm and Make Her Cum
Communicate
Communication is key to a satisfying sex life. Talk to your partner about what she likes in bed. Ask her what you need to do to make her cum. Ask her to tell you how she wants to be touched and what kinds of positions or sex acts she wants to try. Keep in mind that if she is inexperienced, she may not know what she likes. Or she may be too embarrassed to tell you. Do your best to make her feel as comfortable as possible talking about her body. Start by mentioning the things she does to you that you like. Then move on to how you like to touch her. Ask her if she likes the things you do or what she would change. It’s very difficult to know how to please someone unless they tell you. Sure, you can experiment and try to figure it out. But it saves both of you time when there is open communication about your likes and dislikes.
Let Her Lead the Way
If she can’t tell you how to make her cum, ask her to show you. Most women can orgasm through masturbation. She’s had years of solo experience learning what can make her cum through doing it herself. If you really want to know how to make her cum, she’s the one to get pointers from. Ask her to show you how she touches herself to make her cum. You can learn the spot, rhythm, and pressure she prefers to get her off. You can make masturbation part of your foreplay. Watching her pleasure herself is going to be exciting for you to watch as well. And if she has any sort of exhibitionist tendencies, she may get aroused by the idea of you watching her. Watch the way she makes herself cum and follow her lead.
Focus on the Clitoris
The clitoris is a highly sensitive erogenous zone on the female body that contains thousands of nerve endings. It’s a small nub located at the top of the labia, in between where both lips meet. For 37%of women, clitoral stimulation is necessary to reach orgasm. If you want to make her cum, focus on the clitoris. Direct clitoral stimulation is the best route to take to make a woman orgasm. You can stimulate her clitoris using your fingers, tongue, or a sex toy. Every woman is different, but generally rubbing the clitoris in a slow, circular motion gets the juices flowing. Once she’s aroused, experiment with different rhythms, pressures, and speed. Communicate with her throughout to find out what she likes. If she tells you she likes something, keep doing it. You’ll be more likely to make her cum by sticking to exactly what she likes. Don’t jump the gun by trying something new and risking it failing. You could mess up her concentration and ruin her orgasm. Key takeaway, when a woman tells you she likes something, don’t stop until she tells you to.
Spend More Time on Foreplay
The vagina doesn’t respond to sexual stimulation instantly. Female arousal requires some foreplay before you can shove the P in the V. The vagina secretes its own lubrication when a female is aroused. Lubrication is necessary for penetration. Without sufficient lubrication, penetration can be painful for women as it creates too much friction in the vagina. While lube creams certainly can do the job, it won’t make it any easier for you to make her cum Having intercourse without being properly aroused can be, well, boring. When a woman is aroused, her vulva and clitoris become engorged with blood. Arousal makes her sex organs extra sensitive, meaning sex feels more satisfying. If you want to make her cum, you need to put in the work to get her to a point where orgasm is even possible for her. Spend more time on foreplay. Touch her in the right spots (nipples, inner thighs, and of course CLITORIS), kiss her neck, swap some tongue kisses, or excite her with some dirty talk. Get her hot and heavy to make her cum, don’t expect the magic to happen as soon as the P reaches the V.
Go Slow
On average, it takes women about 13 minutes to reach orgasm compared to men’s 7 minutes. Women’s bodies work differently than men’s. It takes more than physical stimulation to make her cum, she needs to be relaxed and in the right headspace. Don’t be in a rush to make her cum. If she feels like you’re anxious or rushing, it will upset her mental game. She won’t be able to relax, and it will be near impossible to make her cum. Spend your time on foreplay and other sexual acts besides intercourse. Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. So, don’t put all your energy into penetration thinking that’s going to make her cum. Focus on other sexual acts like finger play or oral sex before intercourse. And if you really can’t wait to go for it, consider using desensitizing spray to prolong your own orgasm. You’ll be able to satisfy her longer in bed. If you can’t last long in bed, that’s fine. But just because you’re done, doesn’t mean she’s done. Sex isn’t over when you’re finished, it’s over when you’re both finished. You may have no more energy left for thrusting, but your mouth and fingers work just as well. If you want to make her cum, then step up your game.
Find the G-Spot
The key to make her cum through penetration is by finding the G-spot. The G-spot is in the upper front wall of the vagina. It’s a sensitive spot of soft tissue that’s connected to the clitoral network. It’s been debated whether the G-spot exists or if it is present in all women or only some. The answer seems to lie somewhere in between. The G-spot may be more sensitive or easier to find in some women versus others. The best way to find the G-spot is to insert your finger into her vagina in a “come hither” motion. G-spot stimulation is said to produce earth shattering orgasms. To make her cum through penetration, experiment with different sex positions that hit the G-spot. Try thrusting in upward motions to get the tip of your penis close to the front upper wall of her vagina. In doing so, you’re more likely to hit the mythical G-spot.
Play With Sex Toys
Sex toys are fun for solo play, but they can also be incorporated into your bedroom routine. Sex toys can spice things up and possibly deliver more pleasure than intercourse alone. If you want to make her cum and give her multiple orgasms, invest in a vibrator. Use the vibrator to give her clitoral stimulation before, after, or during intercourse. The added stimulation will increase her arousal and make it easier for her to cum. You could also try sex toys that stimulate her other erogenous zones, like nipple clamps or anal beads. These other erogenous zones are often forgotten during sex but can add a whole other element of pleasure. If you want to make her cum, don’t be afraid to try new things in the bedroom. Make a date out of going to a sex shop and picking out toys she’ll enjoy. You may discover new ways to pleasure her you didn’t even know existed. A sexy date picking out sex toys can double as foreplay.
Indulge in Her Fantasies
Everyone has sexual fantasies. Your partner likely does too. Have an open conversation about your sexual fantasies and what you’d like to try in the bedroom. Start the conversation off by admitting your own sexual fantasies, then ask her what hers are. Reassure her that nothing she will say will turn you off. Talking about sex, especially sexual fantasies, can be hard for some people to admit to. We’re all afraid we might be judged for what we like. But sexual fantasies are just that, fantasies. They aren’t necessarily indicative of our character. We just like what we like. If your partner has a sexual fantasy that you both are interested in trying, do it. Ramping up the excitement in the bedroom might be what she needs to make her cum. Common sexual fantasies include BDSM, rough sex, and role play. Experimenting with your sexual fantasies will teach you more about each other’s likes and dislikes. You’ll also build a deeper bond trying new things together.
Establish Intimacy
Porn films and popular media exaggerate sex for what it is. Our perception of sex through popular media is that it’s always sexy, raunchy, and orgasms come quickly. There tends to be a lot of focus on trying out ridiculous sex positions for the sake of not being “vanilla.” But sex is ultimately about a connection between two people. Most of what we see in porn and media is not realistic. And much of the sex acts we see performed by actors won’t make her cum in real life. For women especially, sex is more enjoyable when there is a deeper connection involved. If you love your partner and want to make her cum, remind her of how much you love her. While there is a time and place for rough, primal sex, remember that sex is also about making love. You need to establish an intimate connection between the both of you during sex. Do this by verbally telling your partner how much you care for her while having sex. And don’t forget that kissing can be a crucial part of establishing a romantic connection. Sex without a connection can feel like you’re being used, and nobody likes that feeling.
Try Different Sex Positions
Different sex positions feel differently for every person. If you and your partner stick to the same old routine every night, switch things up. Try different sex positions that are better for stimulating her erogenous zones to make her cum. Rear entry positions like doggy style, for example, are often best for G-spot stimulation. Woman on top positions such as the cowgirl position, typically have a better chance of making a woman orgasm. Women on top positions allow her to control the speed and depth of penetration to her liking. It’s easier for her to achieve clitoral stimulation in these positions. You and your partner can also try the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). The CAT is a sex position that allows for more clitoral stimulation during penetration. To do it, the male partner will be on top in missionary position. He’ll then shift his weight forward and to the side while continuing to thrust. From this positioning, the base of his penis will be more in contact with his partner’s clitoris. The clitoral stimulation is more likely to make her cum.
Should You Be Concerned if You Still Can’t Make Her Cum?
If you’ve done all the above steps, and you still can’t make her cum, don’t panic. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bad at sex or that she is not attracted to you. Go back to the very first tip and try communicating with her. Ask her to be honest with you about what’s going on. Maybe she is dealing with a lot of stress, maybe she’s self-conscious of her own performance in bed, or maybe it’s an entirely different reason. All you can do at this point is keep trying. Maybe she’s unsure of what will make her cum, and it can be a learning experience for both of you. If she continues to be unsatisfied in bed, understand some of the responsibility is on her as well. She needs to tell you what feels good, otherwise how will you know? The fact that you are willing to try and please your partner makes you a wonderful sexual partner.
The Bottom Line
The key takeaway for learning how to make her cum? Communication and effort. Two people need to be on the same board in the bedroom. Otherwise, sex is likely going to be unsatisfying for one of them. Continue to have open conversations with your partner about your sex life and what will make her cum. Try new things that make both of you happy. But don’t rush the process. We all have a different timeline when it comes to discovering what works for us in bed. Be patient with your partner and enjoy the learning process together.
