Introduction
Being in a with a is filled with gaslighting, stroking their ego, and always being last in the . It’s no wonder you got out of that , but how do you get over a ?
Unsurprisingly, there’s been plenty of people that have been in, and thankfully gotten out of, a with a . Never being treated right or being given the same amount of effort does that. In this article, we’re here to help you identify a and provide steps on . It can be difficult, but practicing -love and giving yourself some grace is necessary for achieving true absolution in the ending of a with a . And, as always, we recommend setting up a visit with a trained professional to receive guidance in a judgment-free setting. Whether you find your struggles to be small or large, therapy is a beneficial tool in learning how to obtain and get an outward perspective to help process any hardships.
What Is A ?
By definition, a is a person that holds themselves in high value to a point of excessiveness. This includes such an admiration of oneself that there’s zero awareness or capability of catering to the needs of those around them.
People may show , but a true is someone who’ll consistently and wholly negate the consequences of their by disregarding others.
The Different Types
It’s important to note that not every has (NPD). is part of a spectrum, meaning, those with lower traits of may fall lower on the spectrum.
Covert
Also known as or closet , a person with covert will have a constant craving for admiration combined with an elevated sense of -importance and -regard.
Noted by its title, covert is less obvious than other NPD types. A person with covert will be more subtle and less obvious with their . Their negative behaviors will be passive, shown through actions like consistently playing the victim and participating in emotional neglect, manipulation, shaming, and blaming. All of these behaviors are done to turn the attention back on themselves.
Communal
A communal will often pass off as a martyr or selfless individual. Often seen in high-up positions as leaders for charities or other important causes, a communal will secretly withhold their internal motivations—-seeking praise and admiration from others for their “selfless” actions.
Oftentimes, a communal will offer an outward appearance of moral outrage and motivation for justice. They’ll be viewed as highly empathetic and all-around “good” people when their true intentions say otherwise.
Overt
Also known as agentic , overt is the more well-known “cover page” when referring to someone with NPD.
Someone with overt will have a major focus on wealth, status, social class, and power. They’ll gain entitlement through these accomplishments, yearning to obtain further flattery and admiration from others.
Extremely sensitive to any type of criticism, an overt will be high-achieving to obtain what they deem necessary to receive admiration, compliments, and further flattery from others.
Antagonistic Narcissism
Presented by the deep, overt competitiveness and need for constant rivalry to come out on top, an antagonistic will be fully and heavily arrogant.
An antagonistic is more likely to “sacrifice” others in the competition of one-upping someone, like exploiting a person to get the upper hand. They’re overly concerned about how they appear to others, with an unhinged need to be the best of the best, which is expressed through their need for dominance and success.
Noticeable actions of an antagonistic include arrogant dominance. Another is an excessive need to argue and one-up others in conversation and diminish others’ -worth.
Malignant
Beware of a malignant . Out of all the different types of NPD types, a person with malignant is more likely to be abusive.
The more severe form of NPD, malignant includes possible traits that can be associated with antisocial (ASPD).
Also referred to as sociopathy, antisocial is a mental disorder where a person may show zero regard for a sense of right or wrong concerning the treatment and manipulation of others. There’s no remorse beholden to them from the effects of their actions and behaviors. Those with antisocial are more likely to become criminals, alcohol and drugs, and behave violently.
A person with malignant will have the same common traits of , like high- worth, superiority to others, and a bloated ego.
What Makes A ?
The cause that brings about the creation of a is still underway. Research has gone as far as hypothesizing the possibility of multiple factors, like neurobiological aspects, childhood , and genetics, as being the reason for the bringing about of a .
The Treatment Of
As research hasn’t verified, as of late, the true cause of the creation of a , there’s only so much “treatment” one can gain to absolve these .
One of which is called psychotherapy, a type of talking therapy used to help treat a large spectrum of different mental illnesses and psychological disorders. Participating in psychotherapy to aid in the treatment of NPD can include the process of learning how to be more intimate and relatable in relationships with others. This can also look like working to accept responsibility, learning to collaborate with others, and striving to regulate emotions.
How To Tell Someone Is A
There are a few signs to look for when trying to figure out if someone is a Take a look below and see if you’re in a with one (again, this is only a guide and we highly recommend talking to a professional if you’re, at all, concerned).
Their -Importance Is Sky High
When dealing with a , one of the biggest notifiers you may be dealing with one is their grandiose egos. Their unnatural standing of superiority over others, along with their sky-high sense of -importance, all combine to create one hard-to-handle .
Nothing’s ever good enough for them. Their expectations are unrealistic when concerning themselves and disgustingly low regarding others. This makes for an incredibly difficult strained by uneven standards and expectations placed on one another.
They’re Entitled
As narcissists deem themselves higher up on the totem pole, as in the highest totem on the totem pole over everyone else, they have an incredibly unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect only the best treatment and only the highest of standards to exemplify the value they deem they should be given.
Those that don’t participate in the absolvement of their entitled expectations are seen as selfish, worthless, or unneeded.
They Require Constant Admiration
Every has a motivation, no matter the type of or type of , to receive flattery, admiration, and praise from others. That’s an absolute necessity obtained from all their strange and unrealistic actions and behaviors.
More times than not, a with a will be willfully one-sided due to a ‘s inability to consider others’ emotions or well-being. Narcissists need attention and admiration from others lest their behaviors become desperate due to the lack of ego-feeding they receive.
They Use Others For Their Personal Gain
Narcissists are incapable of viewing others as anything more than objects and tools for their personal gain. And, because of this lack of , it’s not unrealistic to say that they’d use others for their own gain. This is all done to achieve success to gain attention and praise in the long run.
They’re more likely to exploit others because of their incapability to feel for others. They don’t feel shame nor guilt in the exploitation of others, only that they must obtain what they so strongly desire—praise.
They Belittle Others
As narcissists place themselves at the top of the totem pole, their high and unrealistic sense of -esteem creates an opportunity for others to knock them off their -imposed throne.
When a comes into contact with a person that challenges their -imposed authority or refuses to “bow down” to them, suffice it to say that the will react defensively. This can come about in the form of belittling the subject of their frustration. This can be done in a variety of ways that include patronization, demeaning them, ignoring them, or even going as far as to outright bully them!
Seek Guidance From A Therapist
Getting out of any , toxic or not, is rough, let alone one with a . More often than not, a with a will have ended up being incredibly toxic, creating its own emotional baggage that you may be carrying with you when you break up.
It’s important to seek guidance from a therapist if you’re truly struggling to get over a . A with a can cause unhealthy habits to be created to “adapt” to living with a . Trying to make them happy, never focusing on your own happiness, always doing what’s best for them and not what’s best for you… the list goes on and on. Each one ticks off the check box of belittling your -worth, -esteem, -confidence, and personal happiness. No one deserves that.
Learning to absolve and let go of these learned unhealthy habits and thought processes can be strenuous, but not impossible. With the guidance of a professional, you can obtain through a step-by-step guided, science-backed process in a judgment-free zone.
Don’t Rationalize Their Toxic Behaviors
This is a major no-no!
Narcissists are called narcissists for a reason! They’re teeming with unhealthy, toxic behaviors that disregard the well-being of others by placing themselves in a position of superiority. A with a will have, undoubtedly, involved plenty of -sacrifice on your part and yet…what did they do for you? Make everything about them? Maybe they offered as little effort as possible to celebrate your birthday whilst you went above and beyond to meet their sky-high expectations?
It’s reasonable to say you’ll miss them (or, more likely, the person they pretended to be in the beginning and around others), but remember, there’s a reason you broke up. Remember this—you miss the comfort of what you’re used to, not what you know you deserve. Repeat that three times. Repeat it until it sinks in!
To prevent going back to them, we highly recommend following the no-contact rule. This refers to cutting off all contact—-no social media, work, texting, or meeting in person—for at least 60 days. Experts revere this method, deeming it the best way to get over an ex, so it’s time to start blocking and deleting your ex on your phone and social media! No-contact means exactly that: no interaction, virtual or otherwise.
Focus On And Staying Busy
In a with a , how frequently were you able to do something you loved over what they wanted to do? It’s time to focus on you!
Take back the power over yourself that they stole from you. Reconnect with friends and family, spend time doing what you’re passionate about, pack your bags and travel, start going to the gym, learn a new skill, and do something good for yourself. Something that makes you happy and eases that ache in your chest until you can’t feel it any longer. Focus on from the by doing what you love!
Ease Up On Blaming Yourself
Narcissists are good at what they do. Many times, a doesn’t look like a because they’re good at playing the field and hiding their true colors. So ease up on all the negative -talk you’re aiming at yourself and allow yourself some grace.
Although it’s important to learn from our mistakes, it’s also important to understand that, as humans, we’re going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. You’ve experienced the transition of a showing his or her true colors, so now you have a sense of -awareness on what to look for in succeeding relationships. But remember, having an empathetic heart that desires to care for others, that wants to trust and be vulnerable with another, to be intimate, is not a bad .
Don’t allow one bad to get in the way of you trusting another romantic partner again. One bad fish doesn’t equate to a whole ocean of them.
Practice -Love Techniques
With or without the repercussions of a bad breakup, especially one with a , -love should be approached and practiced by everyone.
Practicing -love has been proven to have incredible health benefits. Reduced issues like anxiety and depression, improved perception of life, and higher adaptations to stress recovery have been linked to the practice of -love.
A with a can include loads of toxic behaviors, termed , like gaslighting and verbal that works to decrease your -worth and -esteem to discourage the spotlight from being taken off of the . All of this results in a lack of trusting one’s judgment and even a loss of respect for oneself.
Reinforcing positive -love talk and techniques can drastically improve these learned behaviors and the repercussions of a . Of course, it’s always highly recommended to schedule a visit with a professional to obtain science and research-backed methodologies for learning how to recover from a with a .
Be In The Present
Be in the present. Stop looking back on the “good” times you had with your ex. You broke up with them for a reason—to get the hell out of it and as far away from them as possible!
They didn’t treat you right and you can acknowledge that, sure, but looking back in the past at only the “good” doesn’t encompass the “whole” of the . If you’re going to look back at only the good of it, you should also remind yourself of the bad while you’re at it. Maybe then, you’ll snap yourself out of it and get your head in the game—the one where you’re getting over them!
Set your mind in the present. Focus on and righting the damage that was done in your with them. Practice -love, work on yourself, seek guidance from a therapist, and do what needs to be done at present rather than stepping back into a time that didn’t benefit you wholly as a person.
Conclusion
Whatever you do, don’t go back to your . Set in place the no-contact method, delete them off your contacts and social media, to prevent the urgings or their seductions to go back to them. All it’s going to be is a re-run of what you just got out of.
Do yourself a favor and leave them in the past. Focus on the present, treat yourself with some necessary -love, and get right with yourself and your happiness again—that’s how you get over a .
