Dating for Dummies: How To Approach Dating for Everyone

Key Points

• Learn how to approach dating in your own unique way to suit your wants and personality.

• Decide what you want from a partner and a relationship before you move forward with someone you are dating.

• Remain authentically yourself and maintain your individuality from the beginning of a relationship to ensure you find someone compatible.

• After you figure out how to approach dating and progress romantically, follow the new relationship rules to be your best self while deciding how you feel about your new boo.

Anybody that has gone on a date knows the feeling of first-date jitters. You overthink what outfit to wear, worry that your breath stinks, prepare responses to make your life sound more interesting, and maybe even plan an escape route if all else fails. The dating scene is complicated and it’s difficult to figure out just how to approach dating.

There is no golden rule to be successful on a date. It depends on your confidence and compatibility with the other person. If you are new to dating or haven’t been part of the scene in a while, you are likely having trouble figuring out how to approach dating. Remember, everyone is nervous to ask someone out or go on a date. Build your confidence with some tips and practice to be successful with the right person.

How To Approach Dating

There is no cookie-cutter way to approach dating — it is unique to everyone. Don’t let this scare you off though. Individuality is the beauty of dating. Although there are no exact instructions on how to approach the dating world, follow this advice to find your place in the dating scene.

Keep an open mind while dating as you interact with an array of people with unique personalities, boundaries, expectations, and overall ways of life. You may have a "type” you are most attracted to, but if you open yourself up to other options, you may find love in someone unexpected.

Be confident while dating, but don’t overdo it. Show your best qualities to potential partners without being a fake version of yourself. Go into the dating world and be willing to take risks. If you are interested in someone, ask them out. A stranger declining your offer to go on a date or give you their number is the worst-case scenario, so you have nothing to lose.

Keep a positive attitude about dating even if you lose hope at times. Building a connection with a stranger takes time and vulnerability. Dating is certainly not all sunshine and rainbows, but it is sure to create some of life’s most beautiful moments. Keep your head up even through rejection or fallout with a date. After all, putting out a positive attitude attracts other people with a positive attitude and keeps your spirits high.

Approaching someone for a date offers no risk yet lots of reward if it goes well. Make a bold move on someone and practice your best charming smile.

What Is The First Step for Dating?

According to Jeremy Nicholson, who holds Ph.D. in psychology with a focus on relationship dynamics, “To date successfully, you first need to figure out what you want from a relationship partner. Particularly, it helps to consider whether you want a long-term relationship or short-term hookup, learn about the traits that people might want in a mate overall, and identify the things that make someone a great partner for you specifically too.”

The first step for dating is to find out exactly what you want from your dating life — a casual relationship, a hook-up, a situationship (a gray area between going on dates and being in a relationship), someone to fully commit to, or anything else your heart and body desires.

Beyond knowing what type of relationship you want, have an idea of what type of person you want to date. It's difficult to see who somebody is when you are infatuated with your initial attraction to them. If you iron out your plans for who you want and what kind of relationship you want before searching for this special someone, you save yourself a lot of heartache later.

If you have trouble deciding exactly what you want from a partner or relationship, it is useful to go on a couple of dates or chat with a few matches on a dating app. Find the best free dating app for you and start swiping through local singles. This gives you a feel for what is out there, what you like, and what you don’t like. If you are new to dating or took a long hiatus, you probably don’t have a good sense of what to expect.

Test the waters and see what works best for you.

How Do Beginners Start Dating?

Diving into the world of dating is very intimidating for beginners. Whether you’re brand new to dating or have just restarted your journey, it is hard to know where to begin. Go in with an open mind to see what the dating world entails and to avoid disappointment. 

The best way to get used to dating is to just start dating. Remember that your first date is probably not going to be your perfect match. Even the first dozen people you date are not likely your future partner. Stay patient and enjoy the process of flirting with someone over coffee, dinner, or a movie.

Utilizing a dating app is a great way to dip your toes into the dating world. Practice flirting with hotties, explore what options are out there, and score a date without having to approach someone on the street. Don't spend too much time chatting on the app as conversations are easily buried on dating apps. If the conversation is flowing nicely, ask for their number or if they are interested in meeting.

Learning how to work the field and find the right dates for you is very tricky. Dating requires a lot of trial and error to find someone compatible with you. Many people aim to be likable on a date and forget to notice how much they like the person sitting across from them. Focus on being yourself and enjoying your time while getting to know the other person.

Ten Rules for Dating

Dating is unique to every person and relationship, but following these rules sets you up for success.

Always Be True to Yourself

This seems obvious, but it is easy to get caught up in trying to impress your hot date. Always be honest with them and show your most authentic self. Sure, they may love some persona you display to them, but if the relationship progresses you don’t want to have to pretend.

If they do not love the real version of you, you simply haven’t found the right person for you yet. 

Pursue What You Want

If there is a guy you can’t get your eyes off of at the gym, ask him for a post-workout lunch. If you have a huge crush on your local barista, see if she wants to catch a movie over the weekend. Just about everyone enjoys being asked out by a sweet stranger, so be bold and make a move on somebody you are interested in.

Be Upfront About What You Expect

Everyone has a unique image of what romantic life they aim to create. If you are honest about what you want from the beginning, it guarantees that the relationship is headed in the right direction and you are not wasting each other’s time.

Let a date know early on that you are looking for a booty call, summer fling, future spouse, casual relationship, or anything else you are in search of. Be careful not to come on too strong. Instead, tell them that you are in the dating scene to find the right person for your agenda. It is also perfectly okay to say that you are looking to meet someone, see how you vibe, and determine what you want the relationship to be later.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries in a relationship must be done early on for your partner to treat you according to your standards. This includes how often you see each other or communicate, the ways you like to be spoken to, the progression of physical touch, and so much more.

It is okay to bend your own rules if it feels right for you, but don’t be scared to let them know your limits. 

Get To Know Your Date

It is easy to get so caught up in making sure that your date likes you that you forget to analyze whether or not you like them.

Releasing your need to put on your own best face allows you to sink into the rhythm of the date and see if there is a connection. Ask your date lots of insightful questions about themselves and make sure you listen. Don’t just listen while secretly thinking of your next response, but really listen to what they have to say. Seeing how you feel about someone on a date is the goal rather than aiming to make it the best first date ever.

Focus on the Present

Most people have some dating skeletons in their closet that changed the way they view dating and relationships.

Do your best to start each new relationship with a clean slate so as to not punish your new hottie for something horrible your ex did. Carry the lessons learned from past relationships without bringing your hurt feelings or baggage into a new one. Do not talk about exes with your new boo as it signifies that you are not over a past relationship. This also keeps you focused on the present.

Practice Safe Sex

Whether you are dating one person or seven people, be honest with your partners about your sexual practices.

Discuss your sexual history by addressing current and past partners, practices of sex you engage in, sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention methods, STI history, and pregnancy prevention. If this is a delicate conversation for your relationship, keep it statistical and objective to make the conversation productive.

Protect the health of yourself and your partner to have a healthy and happy sex life.

Don’t Play Games

It’s easy to get sucked into the modern dating games — waiting to answer their messages right away, pretending you are busy when they invite you for last-minute plans, or avoiding looking at their Instagram story too fast.

These games are childish and create a negative headspace for you surrounding the relationship. Rather than using communication as a weapon, reach out to them when you want to and don’t think too hard about how many minutes it took them to reply the last time. If you want to text them the day after the date rather than waiting for the traditional three, then text them.

Society has collected rules on how to communicate with new dates, but remember these are all made up and you are free to do whatever you want.

Go With the Flow

Dating easily messes with your head as you start to have high expectations and overthink small situations. Uphold expectations of what you want from a relationship and how you want to be treated, but relieve this stress by sitting back and letting things unfold. Enjoy the beauty of how your connection grows and keep an open mind for the progression of the relationship.

Always Do What Feels Right for You

Even though following advice and rules can be extremely helpful in navigating the scary world of dating, there's no right or wrong way to date. Always listen to your heart and do what feels best for you and your partner. Follow your intuition to lead a positive and healthy dating life according to what you want.

Six Rules for Dating Someone New

It's exciting to find someone you connect with and start to build a relationship with them. Follow some new relationship rules to create a strong foundation between the two of you.

Maintain Your Independence

The honeymoon stage of a new relationship is exhilarating and addictive. You want to spend all of your free time together. Be diligent in maintaining your independence and taking space from one another. This helps maintain the new spark even longer and creates a healthy balance throughout the relationship. 

If you begin a relationship by spending too much time together, it is difficult to backpedal later and tell your sweetie that you need some alone time. Keep your own life apart from your relationship from the beginning to create a happy and healthy relationship!

Beware of Red Flags

A new relationship often comes with crazy love goggles that make you see all the amazing things about someone but ignore the not-so-amazing things. It is common to ignore red flags at the beginning of a relationship, even things that you consider deal breakers. See beyond the infatuation and notice any red flags from your new boo to protect your heart before you are in too deep.

Establish Healthy Communication

Be honest from the beginning of a new relationship to properly build trust. Even if you feel embarrassed to share that you were recently fired from your job, do not lie about it. Deliver your embarrassing details in a positive light to not denigrate yourself, but never make up a story to protect your ego.

Be honest about anybody else you may be seeing. There is no harm in playing the field until you are committed to somebody, but be direct about what type of player you are before you hurt someone’s feelings. 

Allow Yourself To Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable and sharing yourself with someone is vital in building a new relationship. Don’t dump your childhood trauma on the first date, but don’t hold yourself back from showing your emotional side as you grow closer. Find a good timeline of when to deepen your connection and be willing to open up. Offer a safe space for your new honey to be vulnerable and share themselves with you in return.

Be Interested in the Person, Not the Potential

It is easy to get caught up in the fantasy of what a relationship can be rather than seeing what it actually is. When someone shows you who they are, believe them rather than painting an image of their potential. Focus less on your fantasy of happily ever after and more on what is happening in the present.

You Are Both Responsible for the Relationship

A lot of relationships begin with one person expressing interest and the other giving them a chance. Even though it feels nice to have a suitor, it is unfair to leave someone in such a role throughout your relationship. Once you decide that you like this person and want to build a connection with them, realize that the state of your relationship is 50 percent your responsibility too.

Nine Things to Never Do in the First Month

As you embark on your hot new relationship, don't get ahead of yourself or fall into common mistakes. Avoiding these new relationship no-nos builds your romance at a healthy pace.

Don’t Label the Relationship Too Soon

Giving a label to a relationship is extremely overrated and causes chaos if done too soon. Slow things down, enjoy how it's going, and only add a label when it feels right for both of you.

Don’t Plan Your Future

Only date someone there is a potential future with, but if you are already hearing wedding bells or booking a vacation within the first month of dating then you are probably more interested in the idea of a relationship rather than the person you are seeing. Slow down and be open to the progression.

Don’t Adjust Your Routine

New relationships are exhilarating and addictive. Be cautious not to give up your Tuesday yoga class, weekly girls’ night, or other regular routines to fit in more boo time. You're in for a marathon, not a sprint, so pace yourself and don’t sacrifice your regular routine or other relationships to spend extra time with your fresh romance.

Don’t Be a Yes-Man

Don't pretend to like everything your partner likes, hide your own interests to impress them, or change your desires to better suit them. A relationship is two people bringing their lives together, not one person morphing into the wants and needs of another person. 

Don’t Try to Change Them

It is unfair to force someone to change something about themselves to better suit your desires. Encouraging them to try your favorite foods or go for a trial run of your favorite dance class is a nice way to introduce them to new things. Never push your values or beliefs on someone in an attempt to change them. If there are things within the first month of your relationship that you feel inclined to change about your new partner, they probably aren’t a good match for you. 

Don’t Get Too Comfortable

You have secured a relationship, but this doesn't mean you ease up on impressing them. Although you are feeling comfortable, being yourself, and enjoying the security of a relationship, don't give up the excitement too soon. Relationships are successful when both parties continue to take care of one another and feel honored to be with each other.

Don’t Hide Your Feelings

At the beginning of a relationship, people hide their negative thoughts to avoid conflict. However, couples need to communicate feelings to avoid bottling up negative emotions. It’s best to set good habits of communication and conflict resolution from the beginning.

Don’t Ignore Sexual Incompatibility

While your sex won't be perfect on round one, the first month of a relationship entails amazing sex. Don’t comply with their interests for the sake of the relationship. Communicate openly with them about what you like, how often you want to have sex, and your boundaries. Pretending to enjoy your sex life creates a big issue later when you realize you are unsatisfied.

Don’t Avoid Intimacy

Intimacy is key to growing a deeper connection but makes people nervous. Don't rush into intimacy and vulnerability. Allow yourself to be open to it and enjoy it. This enables you to get to know the authentic version of your partner and grow roots for a strong relationship.

The Five Stages of Dating

Relationships have unique timelines and progressions, but there are five common stages relationships go through as your connection builds.

Attraction

Attraction is when you notice each other across a crowded bar, you've been flirting at the office coffee machine for weeks, or you super liked each other on Tinder. This stage is usually accompanied by an extra sparkle in your eye for your new boo. Remain your authentic self while getting your flirt on. This honeymoon phase lasts the first few weeks of your relationship and graces you with fun dates, late-night talks, and amazing sex.

Reality

Reality sets in when the rush of new love wears off and you start to notice things about your partner that annoy you. You are rather attached to the person at this point, but start to see some flaws you were blind to before due to the intoxicating attraction. This stage lasts around six months and kills off the incompatible honeymooners.

Commitment

After reality sets in and eliminates the puppy love relationships, couples move towards commitment. This stage is beautiful as you have now seen each other’s flaws and choose to accept them. Most couples start to plan a future together around this time and feel secure in the committed love you share.

Intimacy

Intimacy is the next stage of dating where you nurture the love that has grown over the last year. Intimacy refers to closeness physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most couples let their guard down during this phase and build trust with one another while getting to know the deepest parts of their person. 

Engagement

This is the final stage of dating where couples decide to commit to a lifetime together. It requires a lot of hard work to combine your lives harmoniously. Committing to forever together is a beautiful thing, but does not erase the ups and downs. Remember that a relationship still requires both people to work together, so don't take your partner’s full commitment for granted.

New Relationship Advice for Her

Scored the man of your dreams? Moving the connection forward? Ladies, follow this advice to secure the relationship from the beginning.

Don’t Come on Too Strong

Men are sometimes scared off by women that lay all of their cards on the table from the beginning. Share exactly what you're looking for in the relationship, but be careful not to come on too strong. It’s okay to tell your new boo that you are dating with the intent to eventually commit to someone, but don’t tell them that you want an engagement ring within the next year. 

Don’t Be Clingy

Men enjoy their independence and want a woman that has her own life too. Don’t weave your way into too many aspects of his life or attach yourself to his hip. Give your babe some space and take some for yourself. 

Don’t Be a People Pleaser

Women commonly make the mistake of being as agreeable as possible to a new man to impress him with their easygoingness. While it is good to go with the flow and stay open-minded, don’t be scared to speak your mind.

Don’t Be Jealous or Possessive

Women want to keep the good man they found to themselves, but don’t become possessive of him. Men are easily scared off by a woman feeling jealous or possessive, especially early on in a relationship. Besides, you want a man that chooses to stay loyal to you rather than having to force it upon him. 

New Relationship Advice for Him

Guys, when you find a woman you want to build a relationship with, follow these tips to show her what an amazing partner you are.

Be Willing to Show Vulnerability

Women find it very attractive when a man is in tune with his emotions and willing to show a softer side. Be open to sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with a woman.

Communicate Your Needs

The progression of a relationship usually falls on the shoulders of the man, from initiating a first date, going in for the first kiss, and labeling the relationship. If you enjoy this process, your woman will appreciate your decisiveness. However, don’t hesitate to let your new sweetie know that you want her to make you feel special too. 

Introduce Her to Your Friends

Women hope to feel like you are proud of them. There is no need to rush it, but don’t avoid introducing her to the gang either. This makes a woman feel like an important part of your life and shows that you want to be with her. 

Ask Questions

Women want their men to ask for details about their day, check in to see how their period cramps are doing, or listen to the joke they told at girls’ night. Showing an interest in what is going on in her life makes a woman feel nurtured and special in the relationship.

Dating Tips for Shy Guys

The dating world is extremely intimidating for shy guys. Men are expected to be the suitor in dating, which is extra pressure for introverts or otherwise shy men. You've probably been told to come out of your shell or overcome your shy nature. However, you don't need to change who you are to be successful in the dating world and find the right person for you.

If you are too shy to approach hotties in public, dating apps are the best way to go. Show off your lovable personality and some cute photos from the comfort of your own home. Bumble has a feature that requires women to message first which is extra helpful for shy guys! Enjoy swiping through potential matches and wait for the gals to message you first. 

On classic dating apps where men or women have the opportunity to message first, women often wait for the men to get the ball rolling. Open with an interesting conversation starter rather than the boring old “hey what’s up?” Spark up a convo about a mutual interest you share, something that stands out to you on their profile, or a fun debate such as the best flavor of ice cream. Dating apps are filled with thirsty boys and you need to stand out in the crowd to be successful, so send an interesting message to catch their attention.

If you prefer to meet potential dates the old-fashioned way rather than on a dating app, remind yourself that approaching a cutie takes 10 seconds of courage. After the first 10 seconds of approaching someone, it is much easier. Open with a compliment, ask them a question, or simply introduce yourself. Don’t overthink the approach because you are more likely to psych yourself out. Your confidence and personality are more tempting than you realize.

If You Have an STI

Having an STI makes dating feel impossible. Many people that test positive for an STI share the misconception that their dating and sex lives are over. However, it's possible to have a very fulfilling dating and sex life without spreading your STI to others. According to statistics from the CDC, one in five Americans has an STI. This means 20 percent of the U.S. is living with a common yet stigmatized infection.

Every STI has a different treatment process, prognosis, and possibility of transmission. Speak with your doctor to know your specific treatment plan and chances of spreading it. Most STIs are easily cured and transmission is controllable when treated properly.

If you have an STI, start dating just like everybody else. Sign up for dating apps, chat with hotties at the bar, or even Netflix and chill.

Sharing that you have an STI isn’t the best pickup line, so share this information when it feels right for you. However, it must be discussed before you engage in sex. Everyone has their own sexual history to disclose so you'll never be the only person required to share their STI status.

Bring it up through text after matching, meeting, or even going on a few dates with your newest hottie. Discussing STI status over text allows for better articulation of words, an opportunity to calm emotions, and research the issue at hand, and it’s much easier for the Nervous Nellies! 

Some people include their status in their dating profile along with a message about looking to drop the stigma, re-educate people on STIs, and engage in safe sex. The code “437737” is used to indicate that the person has herpes as these numbers spell “herpes” on a dial pad.

The best way to disclose your STI status is face-to-face. Swallow your nerves and do your part to destigmatize having an STI. Your partner will appreciate the honesty and courage to say something to them directly. It also provides an opportunity to be vulnerable with one another and build early trust in the relationship.

When you do reveal your status, be honest and provide information to your new partner about your treatment and risk of transmission. Deliver this information with warmth and honesty rather than fear and embarrassment to put your date at ease and encourage a positive reaction by discussing your status in a calm yet informative way.

Dating with an STI doesn’t have to be scary. You can live a very exciting and safe sex life regardless of an STI. Be honest with your partner, understand how to practice safe sex, and do your part to end the stigma of STIs.

How To Find a Relationship Without Dating Apps

Dating apps have taken over the dating world over the past few years. Meeting someone face-to-face seems to be nearly obsolete. Swiping through photos on a dating app is not appealing to everyone though. Hopeless romantics still have their chance to shine by meeting people beyond their phone screens.

One of the best ways to meet a new date is through a mutual hobby. If you are already a part of a club for reading, tennis, weight lifting, or another hobby, ask your class crush to get a coffee with you. If you are not already a part of such a club, consider joining one. Being the new face of the group makes it easier to ask out a hottie anyways!

Although dating apps seem to be the only way to meet potential partners in 2023, most couples meet through mutual friends. If you are looking for a relationship, ask your friends to set you up with somebody. Next time you are invited to a group dinner or event, wear your most killer outfit and get your flirt on.

Don’t be scared to ask out the cute girl at the bookstore, the guy behind you in line at the coffee shop, or the person eyeing you up from across the bar. There are opportunities everywhere to find a relationship in the real world if you pull your face away from your phone and start looking.

Start Dating

The world of dating is beautiful and terrifying. There is so much to learn about yourself and other people. Always be your authentic self and respect the people that choose to show you their authentic selves too.

Whether you are new to dating or just feeling a little lost, there is a tried and true approach for everyone to find their love and enjoy some flirtatious dinner dates along the way!