Starting a relationship can feel a lot like having too many loose ends and not enough security of a bond, intimacy, trust, or open communication with a new partner. Use these 21 q
21 Questions To Ask Your New Partner
What’s Your Ideal Date Night?
This can be the perfect question for getting to know what your potential partner believes to be romantic, relaxing, intimate, or worthwhile for a date night.
When first starting a relationship, the time to truly dig deep and get to know your partner on an intimate level is critical. To experience the different sides of them in a variety of environments is essential.
For some, an ideal date night could look like cooking dinner for the other at home, setting up the dinner table all nice, and possibly serenading the other over dessert. For others, an ideal date night may look like sitting on a blanket on the bed of the truck, cuddled together to watch the stars. This varies per person, but coming together as a couple to figure out what each partner deems “ideal,” and being able to compromise if these ideals vary, presents an optimal future for the relationship.
What’s Your Love Language?
If you haven’t heard about love languages, it’s time to do some research.
There are a total of five love languages. Each love language represents how a person may express or receive love. The five love languages are as follows: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts.
Every person communicates or expresses their love differently, which, when your love language is physical touch and your romantic partner’s is words of affirmation, can create a misdemeanor of intimacy, growth, and communication in the relationship. For many, if they don’t receive the love language they perceive as an expression of “love” can accumulate a feeling of unfulfillment and negate growth in the romantic relationship.
Learning how you and your partner express and communicate your “love” can drastically improve the relationship by fulfilling each other’s needs to encourage growth and intimacy. Take the love language quiz here to learn each other’s love language!
Who’s Your Celebrity Crush?
To some, this may seem like a shallow question to ask when getting to know a person, but, interestingly enough, it’s a bit deeper than people perceive it to be.
Based on the revelations of Dr. Dara Greenwood, a celebrity crush is a form of parasocial engagement. We relate to these celebrity crushes, whether it be similar values or aspirations, and if they have a sexy side to them too. This merely adds to the appeal of placing them as our top celebrity crush.
If your new partner’s celebrity crush is older, well-off, politically active, and has aged like fine wine…well then, your partner may have a thing for older people while also admiring political activism and the idea that we won’t need Botox to get rid of those damn wrinkles. This is, of course, widely presumptuous. Every person has their reasoning behind crushing on a celebrity, but ask away and see which celebrity your partner has a crush on! It’s harmless and fun.
What Do You Consider The Most Intimate Thing Someone Can Do To Or For You?
This will alter with each person’s preferences and love language expression, yet discovering what your partner may find incredibly intimate, and ultimately endearing, may heavily improve the relationship.
There are four different types of intimacy that don’t include physical intimacy: emotional intimacy, experiential intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and intellectual intimacy. Relying solely on physical intimacy can result in the relationship drifting apart, according to this marriage therapist.
Emotional intimacy can be shown along the lines of being candid about one’s deep thoughts and insecurities with one’s partner. Having freedom and safety in sharing with one’s partner without fearing retribution or judgment, presents trust in one’s partner.
Experiential intimacy is gained through shared experiences. These can lead to a bond that’s been created through shared memories, mutual connection, established closeness, and teamwork built through these experiences, resulting in experiential intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy results from shared moments of prayer and worship with one’s partner. Reading passages together can deepen the bond between partners, creating a closeness that results in spiritual intimacy. This can apply to any form of spirituality, so don’t feel limited to more orthodox religions.
Intellectual intimacy comes from stimulating conversation, differing or similar viewpoints and opinions, and having the independence of thought and beliefs. These all combine to promote thorough and deep discussions that result in intellectual intimacy.
Hearing out your partner’s answer to the question can greatly improve the relationship by dredging up a sense of vulnerability created by their sharing what they find to be intimate. It can aid in opening doors to one’s love language and what they find intimate, combining them to boost growth and depth in the relationship by encouraging actions and steps together to gift them that intimacy.
What Are Your Top 3 Travel Destinations?
This question can line up whether your new partner is a homebody or a person interested in exploring.
When asking this question, try to go ask follow-up questions like, “Why do you want to travel to ___?” or, “What about ____ appeals to you?”. Asking these questions can help encourage an in-depth conversation on what your new partner may find appealing or interesting about a new place, whether it be the culture, scenery, cuisines, etc.
What’s Your Favorite Music to Listen To in Different Places?
Though some people may be completely okay with listening to the same genre or artist on repeat no matter the setting—which is totally fine!—many others may listen to different genres to help bolster them into different moods for ranging settings or activities.
Some people enjoy listening to rock or rap while working out at the gym, whilst others may be fine with listening to pop. Listening to music for the beats or the lyrics can change with the person and their tastes, but either way, discover what your new partner enjoys listening to for energy, ambiance, and depth.
It’s been shown in researched studies that there’s power in music, as can be verified by studies that have presented people recovering post-stroke have improvement in relaxation when listening to music. In one study, it was presented that people listen to music as a form of “valued companion” and also to receive a “comfortable level of activation” for a positive mood enhancement. For others, it can reduce fatigue, depression symptoms, anxiety, and aid in the management of acute and chronic pain.
If You Had One Wish, What Would It Be?
First thing’s first, before you try to ask…no, you can’t wish for more wishes!
This question will most likely require some follow-up questions, as people tend to be vague when answering this question. It can be a more intimate step into how they think or what they value than most people would initially consider. So, feel free to dig a little deeper, but keep it light, and don’t push if they become uncomfortable.
This can be a very introspective question that’ll aid in the opportunity to hear what’s truly near and dear to a person’s heart. What they value, what they focus on, what they believe should be changed, and what they aspire to see altered in the future, past, or present. Discover what your new partner hopes to see changed; for some, it can be serious and for others, it may be deemed as a “selfish” desire. This shows what’s important to them, what bothers them, and what they desire to be changed over all else.
If You Could Insert Yourself Into Any Movie, What Would It Be? And What Character Would You Be?
Fun and intriguing, this question can exemplify what movies a person has been watching, what kind of world they would wish to live in, what time period a person would want to be placed in, along with other conflicts often seen in movies like politics, corrupt governments, monsters, environmental decay, relationships, enemies, adventure, evil forces, and the like. Though movies like Star Wars, The Avengers, and Harry Potter, or shows like Euphoria, The Witcher, and Bridgerton, are popular entertainment, living in the setting, time period, plot, and conflict of these movies or shows require some deeper consideration when answering this question.
Who would want to be inserted into the Hunger Games or Jurassic Park movies when considering they’d have to be inserted in a government-ruled game to the death or be chased by lethal, scientifically revived dinosaurs? Not many, hopefully (although, the appeal of having Henry Cavill Hmm-ing in your ear would be hard to pass up).
Deciding on a character to pick can also be an eye-opener. Would they play the villain or the heroine? Or, to switch things up, would they play a side character that they know makes it out safe and sound throughout all the conflict and chaos of the storyline?
Asking this fun question can provide an introspective opportunity for both partners to learn what the other is willing to deal with (like a harsh external environment), what they’re inspired by (like magic and adventure), or what they find invigorating (like going on time-sensitive missions and adventures).
What Are You Grateful For?
Learning what your partner is grateful for, or if they tend to have a more pessimistic outlook, can present an opportunity to learn about your new partner. For example, do they comprehend that there are many things to be grateful for, like food on the table, having a financially supportive job, or meeting you? Do they look at the glass as half-empty or half-full? What does their thought process look like? Are they grateful for the little things or the big things? What stands out to them?
There are so many introspective qualities of asking this question that can lead to a great discussion between new partners. Use it as an opportunity to open up to one another to build trust and a chance for emotional intimacy, a “safe space” where both partners can be vulnerable and share their opinions, values, hurts, and disappointments.
What Is The Craziest Thing You’ve Ever Done?
This can be an opportunity for your new partner to open up about themselves. Will they give you the shallow or the deep version? Will they go in-depth on the story behind the experience?
Ask questions. Oftentimes a “crazy” experience can have a major impact on someone’s life. How did it change the way they acted or perceived life afterward? Did it inspire them or dishearten them?
Are You An Early Bird Or A Night Owl?
A Night Owl is a person that has a tendency to be more productive and active at night and more notably required to make up for lost sleep time by waking up later in the morning.
An Early Bird is the opposite of a Night Owl. This type of person may be commonly referred to as an “early riser” or “morning lark”. Someone who’s an Early Bird is more proactive as the day is young, opting for an early turn-in at night to recover and sleep.
Higher levels of positivity have been associated with early morning risers, while, on the other hand, Night Owls have a higher risk of mental health conditions. It’s also important to note that creative individuals are more likely to be proactive at nighttime when the world is most quiet. Another important factor is that genetics play a massive role in the preference for early mornings or late nights as it affects one’s natural Circadian rhythm of a person’s sleep chronotype.
What Do You Do In Your Free Time?
Do they prefer spending their free time alone or spending it with other people? Are they comfortable being alone?
Asking this question can answer a second unasked question on whether your partner is a homebody or a social butterfly. Though, many people can alternate between the two depending on the social group and setting.
Many people may enjoy catching up on sleep or work on the weekend, whilst others may snag the chance to work on passions of theirs like working on their car, writing, catching up on a show, playing a sport, and so on. This can be a great question to learn what your new partner tends to heed to as an activity during their free time.
What’s Your Five-Year Plan?
As you get older, this can be an essential question in the dating scene. It can present whether a person is a go-getter and striving for success or whether they plan on riding the stream that is Life to see how it all pans out.
For some, having an in-depth plan of what their new partner foresees their future looking like can be essential in verifying if it pans out with theirs. Do they want to buy a house? Are they planning on investing in real estate? Do they want kids? Are they planning on being married in five years? The questions are endless but essential in verifying expectations between both partners.
Do You Have Any Dealbreakers For A Relationship?
This is a great initial question for a fresh relationship. Before getting in too deep, make sure values and boundaries align with one another.
Compatibility is essential for a productive and healthy relationship. Making sure each other’s values, opinions, and boundaries line up can benefit in preventing heartbreak at the start to make sure from the get-go that one’s expecting marriage and the other has no interest in remaining monogamous.
What Are Your Top Turn-Offs In A Relationship?
Similar to the question listed above, this question should be approached and discussed at the beginning of the relationship rather than later.
Some “turn-offs” are preventable, like not respecting the other’s boundaries they’ve clearly stated and set in the relationship. Others can be, depending on the person, incredibly superficial and unrealistic, maybe even borderline controlling. An example of this can be that they don’t like their woman partner hanging with friends at night. Another example would be that the male partner can’t have a single female (including family members) on their social media accounts.
These are restrictive and controlling qualities, that for some may be legitimate “turn-offs” but are, in fact, incredibly unhealthy and unrealistic expectations for a relationship. For some people, these can be approached and accepted, but for others, they may not.
What Do You Consider to be Your Best Quality?
Hear what your partner has to say about themselves! What do they like about themselves? Are they shy and blushing when they say it? This is a great question to hear what your partner thinks of themselves.
What Do You Consider to be Your Worst Quality?
Same as above, allow a space for your partner to speak freely and vulnerably. Don’t judge their answer. Allow them to express themselves and be honest.
What Gives You Joy?
This can be such an inspiring and deep question. What does your partner find joy in? Is it morning snuggles with their pet? What about hearing stories of the glory days of their parents? Open up with one another to allow growth and the building of a bond between each other!
What’s Your Favorite Season?
Many people may say Summer or Fall, but have you ever heard someone answer this question with Winter or Spring? Get to know why your partner lives for these seasons, whether it be the holiday season, the weather, or football season!
What Was Your Favorite TV Show, Movie, or Book as a Kid?
As this answer can differ depending on the person in question’s childhood, this question can open up the chance for bonding on similar childhood favorites.
How Do You Ideally Like To Spend Your Birthday?
Every person prefers spending their birthday differently. Some may love inviting everyone they’ve ever known as a massive get-together whilst others may specifically celebrate with family members and close friends alone. Some people don’t even like to celebrate their birthdays. Make sure to ask this question to get to know your partner’s ideal expectations for birthdays.
Conclusion
We hope each of these 21 questions provided the communication needed to bond and learn more about your partner. Communication is essential for a healthy and strong relationship. Getting to know more about your partner can create more effective time spent together that builds a deeper and stronger bond.
