Not every marriage is destined for success. While the overall divorce rate is lower than it has been in a long time, many marriages still end in divorce court for various reasons. Maybe the partners were involved in a karmic relationship that was doomed from the start. Perhaps there was infidelity or another severe breach of trust and boundaries. Maybe times or circumstances changed, or the partners outgrew one another. Whatever the reason, relationships get into trouble all the time. However, with the advent of modern internet technology, couples have more options to deal with a troubled or karmic relationship. If your marriage is beginning to get a little rocky, you might want to consider online marriage counseling.
How Relationships Fall Apart
Relationships require a lot of work. To maintain a happy marriage or relationship with your spouse, you need to meet their emotional needs while maintaining a healthy balance with your needs. You need to communicate effectively, handle conflict in a mature way, and learn the fine art of compromise. These three big items can be broken down into endless subcategories. In short, there are a lot of potential failure points in a relationship. Fortunately, there are ways to repair relationships that can work around your busy life. Online marriage counseling is a viable option if you need help repairing your marriage.
As with almost anything else in a relationship, the critical factor is communication. If you and your partner can’t communicate, your relationship is in trouble. One of the overlooked aspects of communication is listening. We all like to talk and make ourselves heard, but, too often, this comes at the expense of genuinely listening to our partners. We may tune them out, ignore them, or spend the time that they’re talking thinking about what we want to say. In a fiery karmic relationship, we might even fail to listen out of passive aggression or spitefulness. None of these things are compatible with good listening! Online marriage counseling can help teach you practical communication skills.
Another relationship-killing problem is a lack of trust. Maybe you caught your partner in a lie, or you found out they have done something sneaky. Perhaps one of you committed an act of infidelity or hid something that you shouldn’t have. In some relationships, this might cause an immediate breakup; in other relationships, like a karmic relationship, you may struggle to stay together. Regardless, a lack of trust is going to damage your relationship. If you can’t trust your partner, or if they can’t trust you, there is no way to communicate effectively. There is no way to make plans or otherwise healthily engage with one another. Seeking online marriage counseling will help you learn how to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
Other harmful behaviors that can seriously damage your marriage include failure to support one another, hurtful remarks, or complete submission to a routine. Even the ravages of time can be enough to damage a relationship beyond repair if a couple doesn’t take steps to keep the love alive.
Are You in a Karmic Relationship?
Try as we might, some relationships are doomed from the start. Some people find themselves in an intense karmic relationship. These relationships are notoriously difficult to maintain. People who have been in a karmic relationship often describe it as exhausting. A karmic relationship begins with a huge spark of passion that rapidly evolves into a codependent, painful mess. While people engaged in a karmic relationship often feel that they have found their soulmate, experts disagree. While many aspects of the karmic relationship mimic a soulmate relationship, the ultimate purpose of these passionate bonds is to learn. According to relationship experts, karmic relationships are designed to bring two people together to evolve beyond unresolved relationship issues from the past – or even from a past life if you believe in reincarnation. These relationships are defined by a strong, almost instantaneous connection, plenty of drama, and eventually evolve into codependence and recurring patterns of troublesome behavior or repetitive fights. Despite these troubling patterns, a karmic relationship can be long-term or even lead to marriage. Regardless of the strong feelings that both partners might have for one another, the karmic relationship exists to burn itself out. There is little to no hope for a relationship like this to thrive in the long term. However, if you want to make a go of a karmic relationship, online marriage counseling can help improve your relationship.
The Benefits of Online Marriage Counseling
Until very recently, marriage counseling was done almost exclusively on a face-to-face basis. Couples might find a local psychologist or therapist, or seek counseling from a religious or spiritual leader. Online marriage counseling is a relatively new tool in a couple’s arsenal, but it’s just as valid and effective as traditional face-to-face counseling as long as the couple engages with the process and makes a commitment to accepting expert advice from their therapist. Couples will find many other helpful benefits to online marriage counseling, making it a viable and acceptable option for almost anyone.
1. Improved Relationship Skills
The first and most important benefit of online marriage counseling is that it will help you improve your relationship skills. When you need marriage counseling, something is amiss in your marital relationship that needs improvement for the relationship to thrive. In a karmic relationship, you and your partner may have some maturing to do in terms of your relationship skills. Seeking the advice and guidance of a bona fide marriage counselor is an excellent way to improve the dynamics of your relationship and help get it back on track. You and your partner will likely learn improved communication skills such as how to listen, how to air grievances or complaints in a non-threatening and non-hurtful way, and how to compromise. You will likely gain insight into patterns of behavior that lead to mutual dissatisfaction. The benefits of seeking professional help will be evident even if you choose online marriage counseling instead of in-person counseling.
2. Improved Uptake of Taught Skills
An essential element of any kind of therapy is learning new coping skills. Trouble in marriages often comes when partners have difficulty coping with something. It could be an emotion such as jealousy, a feeling of mistrust, or a need to control your partner. These behaviors are common in a karmic relationship. Other problems that can wound a relationship include issues such as anxiety or adverse life circumstances. A marriage counselor will help you and your partner learn new coping skills. When your marriage counseling is online, you and your partner will likely be participating from your home. When your counselor teaches you new ways of communicating, thinking, or behaving, you can immediately put them into action in your regular home environment. This leads to better retention of taught skills. In other words, practicing at home is a specific kind of value that online marriage counseling offers.
3. Easier To Convince Reluctant Partner
It can be hard to convince a reluctant partner to participate in marriage counseling. They may be emotionally unable to admit that their behavior is not perfect. They may be part of a karmic relationship that prevents them from wanting to seek help. Or they may be afraid of counseling because of Americans’ stigmatizing attitudes toward seeking help. Pursuing online marriage counseling is less threatening to many people than attending in-person counseling sessions. When you can take therapy or counseling in the privacy of your own home, you don’t need to worry about someone you know seeing you at the counselor’s office. You won’t even have to leave the house: as long as you and your spouse are home at the same time, you can participate. You can even wear your comfy clothes and sit on your comfortable furniture or have your pets with you to help comfort you. This combination of privacy and convenience makes it easier to convince reluctant partners to participate in online marriage counseling.
4. Accessibility
Online marriage counseling is far more accessible than traditional in-person marriage counseling. If you or your spouse has a physical disability or any other kind of disability, online marriage counseling can help overcome some of the barriers to care. Instead of worrying about finding an ADA-accessible building or a counselor who can communicate with sign language or other adaptive equipment, you can participate in counseling from the comfort of your home. If you need any kind of accessibility help with sensory issues like hearing, many online services can accommodate your needs. Plus, after the ongoing pandemic events of recent years, many people prefer to seek assistance from home when they can. With online counseling, you don’t need to go to an office or a public space and worry about the social distancing, COVID screening, or other health measures that add another layer of stress to outings.
Furthermore, the events of recent years have completely changed our social landscape. Our usual support structures have shifted and evolved. Coping mechanisms, social relief systems, nights out venting with friends — all of these things have changed. We have moved to a more online world in almost every way. Whatever your specific circumstances are, the chances are that online marriage counseling is more accessible to you than traditional counseling.
5. Flexibility
Many of us keep odd hours. Nurses, truck drivers, public safety workers, and many other people work irregular shifts or rotating days. Many married couples have children whose schedule needs activities like play-dates and sports that can make scheduling anything exponentially more complicated. Scheduling marriage counseling in between work shifts, childcare needs, and other obligations can seem almost impossible. Online marriage counseling offers flexibility that traditional options don’t. You will likely be able to find after-hours therapists or even therapists in another time zone who can help you on your schedule.
6. Affordability
Life is expensive. We have rent, car payments, doctor bills, child expenses…the list goes on and on. And traditional therapy can be costly: you can expect to pay between $100 and $200 an hour for counseling. Even if you and your spouse have good jobs that pay well, that’s a significant amount of money to spend. And while it’s well worth spending the money if your marriage is on the line, it’s also not a bad idea to seek a more economical choice when you can. Online counseling eliminates many of the middlemen and much of the overhead associated with traditional, office-based counseling. It’s possible to find online marriage counseling for less money, sometimes as low as $40 an hour. That means you can worry less about how you’ll pay for marriage counseling and focus more on getting good results.
7. Safety
Sometimes, it can be hard to open up in a strange environment. When you’re at home on the sofa, you can articulate your thoughts and feelings, but when you’re in a strange office face-to-face with a stranger, your brain becomes overwhelmed, and you lose the thread. Participating in counseling from home helps you feel safe and comfortable while you’re engaging with the counselor. Recent global events have made many people feel less comfortable or less safe outside of the home. Participating in online marriage counseling doesn’t involve leaving home’s safety for a strange environment. Or, in the case of relationships that have taken a dramatic turn for the worse, online marriage counseling lets you work through issues without necessarily having to be in the same physical space as a toxic or hurtful partner. When a karmic relationship implode, one or both of the people involved may become somewhat erratic. Meeting in an online space can help prevent the escalation of some of the toxic traits found in a karmic relationship.
8. Comfort
It is hard to talk about emotionally difficult subjects if you are not physically comfortable. The psychological and emotional pressure of discussing challenging aspects of your marriage can be unbearable if you’re stuck sitting in an uncomfortable chair or a lumpy couch. If your counselor’s office is too cold or too hot, or if there is a funny odor, it can be difficult to focus on the moment entirely. The comfort of home makes it easier to engage with the stressful and emotionally charged process of repairing a relationship. You can be wearing comfy clothes and seated on a comfy, familiar piece of furniture. You can even have your cat or dog (or comfort animal of your choice) nearby during online marriage counseling.
9. More Available Therapists
Just because you need counseling doesn’t mean there is a counselor nearby or that they are accepting new clients. The nearest counselor might be 85 miles away or have a six-month wait-list. You might be looking for a therapist familiar with the Gottman Method only to find that the closest one is three towns away and booked solid for a year. Or, you may have specific requirements for a therapist: perhaps you want a therapist familiar with certain cultures or a therapist who works with couples of distinct faith backgrounds. If you are in a karmic relationship, you might need a counselor who specializes in teaching couples how to get along. The internet is a vast place; online marriage counseling makes it far easier to find a counselor who will meet your specific needs.
10. Compatible With Long-Distance or Separated Relationships
Sometimes, when marriages get seriously rocky, couples might separate. One spouse may go home to live with the parents or move out to an apartment while the other stays in the marital home. Other couples may endure a long-distance relationship model due to work obligations, immigration restrictions, or other circumstances. Specifics aside, online marriage counseling is much more accessible to couples who are not physically in the same location. If one spouse is a traveling nurse working in Tampa and the other is an accountant living in Omaha, finding a conveniently located counselor will be impossible. Couples who are experiencing a separation or who are in a long-distance relationship can easily participate in online marriage counseling from their respective locations.
11. Online Documentation
Documentation might sound like a weird advantage, but think about it: one of the roles of the marriage counselor is to align both spouses with reality. In a dysfunctional relationship, one or both partners is probably out of touch with some fundamental aspects of reality. In traditional marriage counseling, you would need to ask for copies of your documentation and maybe even pay a nominal fee to have records printed. With online marriage counseling, you can easily obtain the counselor’s notes online. Both partners can then see what the counselor said or refer back to it later. This provides a guidepost for the couple to use and avoids any disputes about what was said.
What To Look For in an Online Marriage Counselor
What should you look for when you’re trying to find someone to facilitate your online marriage counseling? Credentials, experience, reviews, and specializations are four of the most important things to evaluate when you’re choosing a counselor.
A counselor should have a master’s degree in a field like psychology. They should also be credentialed as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) or as a social worker (LCSW or LSW). You’ll want to check their experience and any available reviews as well. You’ll also want to see whether the counselor has any specific training or specializations. These criteria apply even in the case of online marriage counseling, and a bona fide counselor will be able to provide proof of their credentials.
There are two main certifications or specialties to look for in a marriage counselor: counselors trained in the Gottman Method and counselors trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy. These specialized techniques help counselors help you. The Gottman method was devised by counselor John Gottman and is based on decades of clinical research. It is a structured therapy method designed to build a stronger relationship by enhancing fondness and admiration, increasing understanding between partners, and building up trust. Counselors who are trained in this technique will be certified through the Gottman Institute. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a humanistic approach to marriage counseling that was developed in the 1980s. This method draws from humanistic psychology and leverages attachment theory to help build and repair intimate relationships. EFT may be especially helpful for couples who are in a karmic relationship. If either partner suffers from individual psychological stressors such as depression, PTSD, or anxiety, EFT will help them learn to manage their stressors while repairing the relationship. Both of these methods help foster a secure and strong bond between partners. And both of them work well with online marriage counseling.
Whether your 20-year marriage has hit a rough patch or your karmic relationship has imploded overnight, online marriage counseling can help you and your partner navigate the troubled waters. There are many benefits to online marriage counseling that make it an attractive alternative to, or replacement for, traditional, in-person marriage counseling. Regardless of your specific circumstances, it’s okay to seek help for a troubled marriage — and it’s okay to seek that help online.
